This has a really nice flow. Which Death Eater is it?
Author's Response: Thank you! Well, I guess this could imply
to any Death Eater,but I was thinking of Lucius Malfoy.
Well, I must admit that this is a pairing that I never would have thought of. However, it’s an intriguing idea, and you handled it very well. I love what you did with Susan’s character. She was so real and well developed. It was almost like I knew her and she was one of my friends. You certainly have a gift for making unexpected pairings work.
She's an angel without wings, sent down from Heaven to make me realize how boring my life was, and to help me find myself. I don't know how I survived before I met her.
The first sentence of this passage is wonderful. It really shows the intensity of Susan’s feelings and makes her seem somewhat poetic in her thoughts. However, I’m not a fan of the second sentence. The whole, “I can’t live without them…” bit has been used very many times. It’s really been over done in fiction and RL. I think it takes away from the power of the first sentence. However, that’s just my opinion and just something for you to think about.
Sitting there with Hannah, holding that butterfly, was the day I started living.
I liked this line. Again, it shows the intensity of Susan’s feelings and shows how she is seeing life in a different way because of Hannah. In a way, this is similar to your like about how she lived without Hannah; however, it’s handled much better here. Using different words and not directly stating that sentiment give the same impression, but seem so much less cliché.
I'm in love with my best friend, and she has no idea.
This line really stuck out to me. It sounds so ordinary. The type of thing any teenager in love with their best friend would think. I like that because it makes Susan’s feelings for Hannah seem more natural. Often in fan fiction, same sex pairings are handled differently than opposite sex pairings and it makes these relationships feel wrong to the reader. However, you have made this feel like a perfectly normal crush for a teenage girl. Good for you. You write same sex pairings very well.
I would also like to say that you write romance very well. I completely sympathize with Susan. It was easy to relate to her feelings. Anyone who has ever had feelings for someone that weren’t returned could relate to her. Having a character that your reader can relate to is a mark of a great writer. This piece was very well done. You should be very proud of it.
Cool. I never gave this character much thought. But she had a story to tell, and I think you did a wonderful job telling it.
Author's Response: Thank you Sly Severus. I thought it might be good to take a small character and talk about them. I\'m glad you enjoyed it. Thanks again for reviewing!
Hehe! So cute. And so Sirius. Well done!
Haha! This was great!
Author's Response: I\'m glad you liked it!
Haha! This was great!
Author's Response: I\'m glad you liked it!
HA! That was great. I read the review you got about writing Voldemort at Harry's birthday, that's a wonderful idea. You should so do a sequal to this.
Author's Response: Thanks! I will think about writing a sequel. I currently have a big WIP that\'s occupying my time right now. *insert shameless plug for Innocence Found* : D
That was a very entertaining take on Sirius' thoughts. Well done.
Author's Response: Thanks. I\'m glad you liked it. :)
That was great! Just the thought of those two drunk makes me laugh. Well done.
Author's Response: Thanks! I\'m glad you all liked it. :-)
I'm a horrible judge of poetry, but for what it's worth I liked this. It had a nice flow, and I kinda like the idea of a Severus/Narcissa pairing. Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review; I appreciate your opinion!
That is a very different view of how Severus responded after the run in with Potter at the lake. Very interesting. Well done!
Author's Response: Thank you! I thought it\'d be interesting to expand the \'Snape\'s Worst Memory\' a bit, glad you liked it. :)
Well, hello, Anna.:D I bet you thought I abandoned this story. I really didn't.
This chapter was interesting. It's strange to see Selena having a life, as there is no indication that she ever has before. It's strange to think that someone could be that controled by the actions of their brother.
And I see Bella got a mention. ;) *huggles Bella*
Good job!
Author's Response: *smiles* Yes, I did think that. No worries. :P
Anyhow, the sad thing is most people are controlled by what happened to them when they were younger. It\'s sometimes hard to go on despite what parents/siblings/peers/etc might have said or done. I think it\'s something we all need to work on, in one way or another.
Anywho, enough preaching. :) I\'m glad you were happy to see Bellatrix. She didn\'t really have the nicest role, though.
Thank you for the review!
Ooo, I liked this. Selen v. Narcissa was very interesting. I never thought of the two of them being in the same place at the same time. I very much enjoyed Narcissa's attitude in this. :D
Author's Response: *giggles* Thanks, Elle. This was a fun chapter to write. :D
*giggles* You really have Severus' annoying nature down. I loved his cryptic letter. I also loved how he just egged her on at the school. It was great.
However, I think this was my favorite line:
"I trust Severus," Dumbledore proclaimed firmly. "And if I do, then that should be enough for everyone."
It was annoying enough when other people said that was a good reason to trust one. To show that Albus is arrogant enough to believe that his opinion is gold, is perfect. It so fits his charater.
Very good, Anna. I'm sorry I've been away from this story for so long.
Author's Response: :D I love writting Severus. As you probably noticed.
Ah, yes, you\'re not a Dumbledore fan. I actually like the guy, but it is annoying how conceeded he is over his great intelligence.
Don\'t be sorry. *huggles* I love reviews no matter when I get them! :D
Loved it! I would say your best chapter. :D
Although, one question, what is a rat snake?
Author's Response: *giggleblush* Thanks Elle!
Didn\'t I include an explaination of the patronuses at the bottom of the chapter? I guess I forgot... *scolds self*
I spent a LOT of time trying to figure out an appropriate patronus for Selena. I settled on a black rat snake (also known as the pilot black snake). It is a non-venomus species of snake, found in North America. I don\'t remember much else off-hand, if you want more detail go to wikipedia. :P
Anyhow. So patronuses are supposed to represent something or someone that protects you. The only person I could ever see filling this role for Selena was Severus. I\'ve always seen Severus having a snake Animagus (if he is one) so decided that Selena needed a snake patronus.
I chose the black rat snake specifically though. The rat snakes are often thought to be copperheads. Copperheads are a poisoness snake, and while rat snakes will bite if threatened, are not related to the copperhead, nor are in any way poisoness. This was supposed to reflect how people sometimes pass judgement on Selena being Severus\' sister, even if it\'s not something she can control.
Sorry about my rambling. I should post all this in the chapter. :P Anyhow, thanks for the review!
Hmmm...interesting. Although, I don't really understand why she agreed. He has given her no reason to trust him....
Author's Response: *shrugs* She agreed because a) he\'s her brother, b) I didn\'t know why she would agree, and c) I was sick of the story. No, those aren\'t good reasons in the slightest, but there ya go. :P Lol.
*giggles* It's a nice ending. I like that she finally came terms with trusting her brother. Somehow, it seems like there should be more though. However, I know how you feel about being sick of it. I was beyond sick of Only Human. I almost deleted it, but I managed to finish it because of a few loyal readers. So I know where your coming from. But overall, this was awesome. Very well done! Sorry, it took me so long to finish it.
Author's Response: Lol, yes, it isn\'t very tied up. But I really was getting sick of this story. It was just feeling very...I don\'t know, annoying. :P And parts felt stupid, and cliched, and I just generally felt it wasn\'t all that well written. But, I had made it pretty far, so knew I wouldn\'t be happy with myself if I just abandoned it.
Anywho. Thank you for reading, and sticking out the story. :) *huggles*
I loved it, as usual. I really liked the flashback with Selena and Severus' father. Are we ever going to find out what Severus' revenge was?
One thing, this line: "Of course he did. He says it looks forward to it." has an it that should be a he.
Otherwise, I loved it!
Author's Response: There will be more involving their father, yes.
That it was certainly not supposed to be there. Oops. ;)
Hehe! Chapter Two is even better. I love the way you're developing the brother sister relationship! Good job! I'm now adding this story to my favorites!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! You made me smile (and not in the sense that I typed a smiley, either). :)
Wonderful, as always.
Author's Response: Thank you! :)