*sigh* Ashley, dear, I know right now what my favourite thing is about this story. There is so much pain: darkness, despair, loss of loved ones and loss of self, uncertainty, doubt -- and yet, in the midst of it all, there is hope. [Here is where I muse that you must first have despair in order to find hope].

One line that caught my attention with it's sparkle was this:They had all changed in the course of seven years, but more significantly in the course of seven months. The repetition of "seven" and the contrast between seven years and seven months, it just popped out me as a very simple yet poetic line. And it says a great deal in such a few words. It brings to mind what we know -- the things they have been through over seven years, and what we imagine -- what has happened in the last seven months. And we understand it.

I like here that you have Ron and Hermione escaping the Wizarding World and Harry remaining behind. Everyone always seems to write it the other way around. Usually cliches exist because the reasoning behind them is incredibly strong, but that is not the case. Here, you offer an alternate route for the characters, and I find it makes perfect sense. Hermione's life before entering the magical world, from what we can gather with an almost complete lack of information, was probably rather peaceful. She clearly didn't have a lot of companionship, but her mind would associate the wizarding world with darkness, and pain, and loss, and complexity. Furthermore, it's a logical take on life. Hide away, go where nobody knows you, where drama is unlikely to find you, and you will be in relative peace. So, yes, I did like that.

What did I not like? *shifty eyes* I will be entirely honest. I didn't really enjoy Ron's character. I don't think that he lacks bravery or intelligence. [No, he's not Braveheart or Einstein, but he does possess both qualities, perhaps more of the former than the latter]. I also was a little unsettled that he leaves Hermione for another woman. Well, no, not that, because I think it is often possible to find someone better for you, who you will be more complete with, and that it is unfair to imprison yourself away from it because of a prior commitment and guilty conscience. However, I've always felt Ron had a strong sense of loyalty, and even when he's angry or jealous, is still a friend. And that Harry is the rash one, not Ron. Ron seems rather awkward about stepping out of his routine or making a gutsy move. I just think he'd me more likely to fall in love, but not actually "see" anyone until he's come clean with Hermione about his feelings. I don't know. I did like Hermione's logical and sympathetic reaction to Ron's departure, but I think she would still feel some sort of pain, and her response to the end of their relationship would be more justified if she didn't discover her husband was seeing someone. I think it's the difference between the pain of losing someone you love to another, and the pain of deciet. She might not feel the first, but the second would still have it's affect on her. Ron is, after all, one of her two best friends. [I should throw in here that I also fervently disagree that Hermione loves/ever loved Harry "more" than Ron. Equally, but in different ways. I understand it's a pairing perspective. Clearly, in order for Harry/Hermione to triumph over Ron/Hermione, you would have to write her true feelings leaning towards Harry. I understand that. But, I do think that there are sometimes things that jump out at me in a H/Hr fic; and rather than justifying the romance, it pulls my attention away because I feel the author is favouring their ship over the characters. Which is not really a remark against you as a H/Hr writer. I think you handled Ron and Hermione's relationship with great care, moreso than I usually have seen when Harry/ Hermione are involved. I think what you have here is three very believable characterisations, with just a slight bit of Ron-off-centre that seems to occur in H/Hr romances. It goes for any fic that strays away from a canon pairing -- you have to face characterisation and dynamics head-on in order to get the most believable development. [All that said, this fic would surely be perfection to most Harry/Hermione shippers]

Now that I've gone and given all those conceited opinions. I shall continue with the raving [one feels less guilty about glowing commentary after having given criticism, and vice-versa]. Of course, the writing is lovely. Giving just the right amount of description; conveying just the right emotion. The opening is very graceful. Writing "The war is over and this is what happened" can be an awful task sometimes. I tend to skip past it because I'm not very good at catching the reader up in that sort of exposition. I really liked your approach to it. So much that I didn't noticed that was what I was reading until just a moment ago when I looked at the beginning of the story to decide what I wanted to say about it. Hee.

But I am reminded of that other thing I wanted to say. Yes, the part where we skip several years. We see them at the end of the war, and then life changes, and they go on, and they live, and then there are more changes that bring us to the end of the story with Harry and Hermione. The inbetween part is not a scene, but a tale of what happens between point A and point B. It reminded me of a great many classical novels. The Scarlet Letter, The Great Gatsby, The Picture of Dorian Grey, Theatre, The Awakening -- where there is a skip in time, and then a retelling of what has passed. [For the most part, this is an obvious compliment. However, I should say that I found the "Time Has Passed' portion of the "Dorian Grey", while done mostly well, did grow rather tedious for a few pages; and so I will say that your writing here is much less tedious than Oscar Wilde's there. *wink*].

And beck to characterisation; I enjoyed the soft dynamics amongst the trio. I liked the Harry/Hermione dynamic and the Ron/Hermione dynamic. I liked Ron's desire to make Hermione's life happy. I was sad at the lack of Harry/Ron friendship, not because it's absence was clear in the story, but it's absence is always noticeable to me. Because I heart them. Hee. But yes. I liked what was there, missed what wasn't, but don't feel that the story was any worse for the lack of the connection between Harry and Ron. [It might have made it either a little too happy or a little too tragic, depending on where it was placed. So perhaps, it was better for the lack of it. Alas.]

The ending was divine. My trouble with both ending and starting a story gives me a deeper appreciation for seeing it done so nicely. *sigh* I also loved the line "You will save me after all, Harry Potter", and the kiss on the forehead. Oh, forehead kisses are so divine.

Now I'm rambling backwards and forwards. I also want to mention that I loved the exchange between the two of them at the end. It was ... a concise arguement. Sometimes those things can go on forever, but you found the right words for them, and it was very realistic. Wonderfully written. Gah. Love.

Alright, *applause* to you Ashley. You really are a wonderful writer, and I do enjoy your work. I'm glad you posted this link in LJ, because my usual distracted, lazy self would not otherwise have seen it and rushed to read. *hugs* You should do that all the time. :)

Author's Response: I don’t know if words quite adequately describe how I feel after I get a review from you, Jenna. It’s like I feel absolutely loved but at the same time very focused, driven to make it better and you are very clear as exactly what you think about the story and that is divine. Vague reviews are absolute nonsense. (now that I’m done reviewing your review…*cough* *doesn’t totally miss SPEW*) After you read my last somewhat H/Hr exchange in “More Than a Broken Vow” and you recommended I write this one I was very challenged to first of all fit these lyrics to this pairing and second of all make sure you could believe it. I was writing this story for a lot of people but I wanted it to be most believable for you because all the other people reading it will not need as much convincing. Oh, my dear Ron…we have a love/hate relationship. I do not think he is dumb or not brave, I only say those things in comparison to his two above average friends. I do constantly sympathize with him because in that essence we are very much the same. I have many friends who are simply better than me, not because I suck just because they are that much greater, and that is what I was trying to get at with Ron. On somewhat the same subject, I have a lot of things I couldn’t say about Hr/R when I wrote this because some things cannot be said in a story format so I try to imply them as much as I can and I think some of these ideas got lost in transit. Hermione married Ron because it was easier for her to escape the wizarding world than to keep selling her soul to Harry who would give her nothing in return. She did love Ron very much but she had changed and Ron couldn’t fulfill the part of her that changed in the war. I view Ron very much as an innocent so when Hermione and Harry experience more mature feelings I feel that Ron is a few steps behind (not just in relationships with each other but just emotions in general). Anyway, Ron married Hermione because he though he could make things the same as they were back in school, but their relationship had changed and he didn’t know how to move on to meet Hermione’s brokenness, he needed something simpler. In my defense I say that Ron cheated on Hermione but I never say how because even in my own mind I don’t exactly know how, but I know he couldn’t love Hermione the same after the war and he needed something to ease his own suffering and Hermione couldn’t do that for him. And Harry and Ron had been drifting apart in the last seven months, Harry broke a lot of friendships on the search for the Horcruxes, hence a lot of Hermione’s frustrations and no mention of Harry and Ron as a duo. Lastly, I think it is totally unfair to compare my story to the Scarlet Letter or that I can write less “tediously” than Oscar Wilde. I don’t even know what to say to that, I nearly died reading it. Thank you so much Jenna, I really don’t feel I deserve a review such as this but my heart flutters with excitement every time I see it.

My heart is pounding. OMG.

First of all, I'm awful awful awful, for not having read this sooner *ashamed*. I kept telling myself I had to, and I kept... pushing it off for a time when I could enjoy it fully. And, well, I found that time tonight and -- I'm almost glad I waited. No, I am glad I waited.

Because, I don't know how to explain it, though if you read between the lines it should be fairly obvious, this story means more to me now than it could have two months ago. And, I don't even know how to explain how... much I love this story. It's fabulous, dear. ♥♥♥♥

Where to start? I think my favourite thing, or at least, one of the favourite things that is now most fresh in my mind, is this part right here:

There is no past tense to "love" - if you love someone, you always will, no matter what. Like I love you."

That is incredible. The Idea, itself, of course, as well as how well you wrote it. *head spins in attempt to convey what she means*. To think that without the "Eenglish" lessons, you might not have been able to incorporate this line into the story... *sigh* It's just wonderful. It makes the story so complete. I find myself, here, believing in Fate because this story just has to be Fate.

*sighs* I don't know what else to say. I don't think I've read your work before. But, I know now that I love it. Your writing is lovely. So pure, and all the Emotions and Ideas and Feelings come across so powerfully.

I loved the "flower bed" crack. XD And, I thought that Fleur's mother's characterisation was brilliant, and I loved Gabrielle's characterisation, too. I adore Gabrielle, so I'm glad you wrote her so wonderfully.

Bill. *cough* I don't know what to say about Bill. He's Perfect. I think that's all I can say. At the risk of wearing my heart on my sleeve, I'll just say that he reminds me, in certain ways, of Someone I know. *cough*

Fleur was incredible. You did justice to me Darling Fleur. Oh, thank you dear. It's so hard to come across good Fleur fic, owing to the fact so many people are in hate with her. Pft. She was so well characterised. And, so three dimensional. And so perfect. I loved her. You gave her such depth. *sighs happily*

And the Bill/Fleur dynamic was spectacular, too. It wasn't a typical love story [which is a major major plus], but they found Love in the end anyway. *sighs happily happily happily*

I absolutely heart this dear. Thank you, and you're amazing. *hugs*

and by the beginning of September premature frost had burned the leaves yellow and red. *sighs peacefully with admiration* Who writes that sort of thing? Dear, you are a Goddess of Description (and you leave us mere mortals with little to describe you, but I shall attempt).

I’m in a very tranquil mood, and so, I think it was a very good time to enjoy this chapter. I don’t know if I can quite put it into words, though.

We’ve now jumped another five years, and into a new point of view. Yet, everything still feels familiar. The writing and tone are consistent, we’re merely looking at the father instead of the son, and instead of him being just another original character who we have yet to get to know, we already know quite a bit about him.

I think that my favourite thing about Lucas, as a character, is how he feels in respect to “good and evil” and “right and wrong”. On one hand, he is unique in this characteristic. Most people go through life with fairly clear ideals in regards to what is moral, what is immoral, what crimes and sins they are willing to have on their conscience, etc; furthermore, most people are fairly quick to judge others based on these opinions, as well as form judgments about life, history, politics, and current events. I think, though, it’s not this actual characteristic that makes him different from the average person, so much as his awareness of his apathy, and resignation to it.

What mustn’t it feel like to be so wholly dedicated to a cause that you would willingly sacrifice your life for it? He could not imagine it, and most of the time he wasn’t interested in trying. This is very refreshing, and I think it’s what connects him to the reader. We are very used, in fan-fiction, and in most fantasy fiction, to reading about people who are willing to face death in the name of good or evil. To the point, maybe we’ve forgotten that that isn’t real life, and most of us never come anywhere near facing a decision like that. And, I believe, most people are quite glad of it. We all have our opinions about which side to be on, but a lot of it is – in my personal theory – steeped in superficiality. Lucas, because of a lack of connection outside his family, and his apparent lack of “importance” in the world, is just more aware of it.

And, to the point of this thorough, opinionated analysis, it is, as I said, refreshing, to read a character who lacks the black and white contrast of most HP/Fantasy Characters, in terms of which side of the war they are on. And in terms of having a life or death commitment to a cause.

By accident or fluke, some were overlooked. Some never found a Potions partner, a study group or a place in the Gobstones Club. This is very sad. A very simple line, but… very sad. And, just now, it reminded me a bit of Siobhan. Except… it’s different. Ish. But, yes.

It was not that he really minded the isolation. Things became much less complicated that way, … Well, I think this is annoying of him. Silly people thinking that lack of love and friendship is a plus because it also lacks complications. *shakes head* I shall chalk it up to a defense mechanism. *thinks Lucas should lose a wall or two*

Maximilian Malory appeared, changing the very atmosphere of the room with his presence. Oh, *applauds excellent description*. And that is a very fabulous power indeed. I think I also change the atmosphere with my presence. The entire room becomes cloaked in grumpiness.

Lucas accepted the rough proof of affection… I like that. Not a sign of affection, but proof of affection.

When Scrumpy returned with the food, he gently placed the glass of wine in Lucas’ unoccupied hand, knowing that his young master sometimes forgot about matters like food and drink when he got his nose stuck in a book. I absolutely LOVE this line.

“Herby don’t know them, sir. They is two men, and they wears black robes.” That’s certainly not something one would want to hear at that time of night in that political climate.

The atmosphere changes again, with Nott and Yaxley’s presence. And, I admit, it’s rather harrowing. I know their agenda, but I can still feel the fear in the room, and my mind raced with the possibilities – what if they want him to join the Death Eaters? Surely, he couldn’t say yes, but, surely, one doesn’t say no to such an invitation and get away with their life? Maybe he could pay them off. Contribute to the cause monetarily. – Yes, it’s that thought spinning an experience, to have two Death Eaters arrive at your home, that I could feel the tension, and that I just had to wonder…

…and knew that Lucius Malfoy’s oldest son had gotten the message. And that’s a fabulous way to end it. It’s rather symbolic, I think. How we went the whole chapter without a whisper of Lucius, and then at the end, recognized the fact. And, of course there’s no way the readers – or Lucas – could have forgotten, so it doesn’t come as a surprise. It’s merely that moment when someone in the room states what everyone knows to be the truth.

Aha. Soon I’ll have reviewed Chapter 2, and then you’ll be in trouble, won’t you, because I’ll need you to post the next chapter. Hehe.


Author's Response: Hee. I love this review. When you comment on my writing, it all makes so much sense! If only it could be like that in my head when I wrote it, I’m sure I could do a much better job. No, but seriously, your reviews make me aware of my own writing in a way I didn’t think was possible, resulting in feeble – but hopefully improving – attempts to consciously create things that might appeal to a reader.

I’m glad that you seem to like and be able to understand Lucas. Sometimes he’s so different from me that I have no idea how I even created him, and sometimes we’re so similar it’s like I’ve based his whole character on myself. And about the part you found annoying – I agree, very much, and a big part of this story will be to prove to Lucas that he is wrong, and how wonderful they can be, the things he thinks are unnecessary and complicating.

Thank you, Jenna. Your reviews give a whole new meaning to my writing. *hugs*

After some hours of much-needed rest; I misread that as 'much-needed tea', and I thought it was slightly... unique for Lucas to have hours of tea, and then I realised that it said 'rest' not 'tea', and that's why I was giggling. (And then I wrote 'Loocas' instead of Lucas, reason for the second bout of laughter). he had soon discovered Charlie behind the barn, bent over and... /third bout of laughter.
Now, I don't know if I can clear my mind enough to write a halfway-proper review, but I'll do my best.
First, I shall be repetitive and mention how very much I love your writing style. The way you say things is wonderfully original. I appreciate that your imagery and atmosphere and feelings, etc, are more than just adjectives and nouns strung together. It landed with a distant, invisible thud, and a lurking bird nearby took flight with a cry. ; sentences like that, for instance, are what makes your writing such a treat to read :)
His thoughts were as flying horses, untamed and uncontrollable, beating their hooves against the inside of his head. I also like this. Aside from it being another example of saying something in a new way, it just amuses me that you mention flying horses, because it's something I associate very strongly with you. And, later, when you use continue to use the metaphor, it makes it even more wonderful. I also enjoy that you didn't.. remind the reader of the comparison. You simply continued referring to his thoughts as if they were horses. Yes, I liked that quite a bit
Speaking of flying horses. I keep feeling as if Liam is missing out on an excellent party. He's sort of like a strange mix between Charlie and Lucas -- aristocratic, yet more easygoing. But, yes, I think that he'd like to hang out with Lucas an Charlie. He'd have fun.
I also like how you took some time to reveal the that Charlie killed someone. You easily could have introduced it sooner so as to be exciting and torturesome, but you waited until Lucas had a chance to get to know Charlie a bit better. Sure, t would have been a shock to the readers, who have a fair idea of Charlie Weasley already, but Lucas might not have been as conflicted by it as he is, and so you have a much more interesting (and real) dynamic between the two, now.
I am also very interested in how you wrote the interaction between Lucas and the coin. It feels as if the coin has become an original character in itself. And it reminds me very much of Agnes Cecilia, and how someone can have a relationship with a... perhaps not inanimate, but at least a silent object. And you've written it in a very effective way that creates a good opportunity for reflection for Lucas, so we get character insight that's not entirely him just sitting thinking to himself. Actually, I feel like I'm mentally taking something from this, for my own future use. Being mindful of character introspection, and things like that. So yay for that.
I am very excited to find out what happens next, including what happened with Charlie and who it was he murdered. Yes. Very, very excited. Hint, hint. Don't make me get impatient and pluck your eyebrows in your sleep as punishment. No. I wouldn't want to give you ideas as how you might effectively extract the next chapter (or should I say 'kapitel'?) of Sins from me. *cough*

Heehee. Even looking at the opening of this chapter has me smirking, because I keep thinking about Between Two Points of Seperation.

*ahem*

Anyway. Do you know I like it when chapters/stories open with letters? I do. I mean, obviously it can't be done all the time, and if it was, it probably wouldn't have the same effect - but it is wonderful on occasion. And I do like that Lucas signs his letter "Love..."; it's a nice insight to the Maximillian-Lucas relationship.

I do love Katie in this story. I have a constant urge to hug her. How could anyone ever choose Ginny over her? *sighs and shakes head* Though, the Charlie-Ginny moment was really lovely.

..a stunning woman who must be the French wife Charlie had told him about, Fleur. *smirk* You know what would be interesting? Lucas/Charlie/Fleur.

Speaking of Fleur, her dialogue is excellent! ;)

But her restlessness was different, her heart a little harder, and he found himself wondering why that was. I'm wondering, too. *raises eyebrow*

*sigh* And now we come to the depressing part. Poor Lucas. The truth is that I can really relate to how he feels when the Weasley's arrive and everyone is a group of friends or family. Obviously, he has a rather rough go of it, because he an feel the glow within them, but - I still understand that outsider feeling. And then there's this: He lay on the crumpled covers for another endless stretch of time, wishing… not to be dead, because he wouldn’t want to cause Maximilian the grief of losing another family member. No, he rather wished that he could erase his very existence. Yes, poor Lucas. The whole passage really does dampen the spirit.

the mistrusting and not-so-discrete staring of Charlie’s brother. Not-so-discrete, what a way to define Ron in a nutshell. XD

And now back to Harry and Katie, and Lucas's emotional eavesdropping. It's really hard to be very exuberant in this review when so much of the chapter is so incredibly depressing x.x I think it's a good point to have brought up. I mean, we know that Lucas is not used to having company; and the company he is used to he's, well, used to. Now he's found himself among an entirely new set of people, with completely new emotions, and on top of that, rather fierce ones, made even fiercer by the effects of war.

So, of course he's intrigued and overwhelmed, and this sudden surge of emotion between Harry and Katie drew him. I mean, he berates himself, for being a parasite - but it's not as if he behaves that way all the time. He's just not used to the amount of emotions that have been thrust upon him. And, of course, in that moment when he realises what he's doing - sigh. Poor Lucas. It really begins to make perfect sense that he's a loner; there are many factors of course, but I can see him having trouble forming social circles and being with friends, always aware of what they're feeling, and in danger of feeling like a parasite when he inadvertently eavesdrops on private emotions.

And of course, the closing scene. *sigh* Harry. How we love Harry. I like that that Lucas shares that moment with him, and it gives me a surge of affection for Lucas that he sees the sort of person Harry is. I like Harry-supporters :) And I think that Lucas's common bond with Harry in the end really makes this wonderful in a fan-fic sort of way. You haven't made them best friends or anything, but there's our hero, and he's connecting with Lucas, and it just... I don' know. It's very lovely.

And I am, of course, anxious to find out what Lucius has done to get himself on the cover of the Prophet ;)

Are you alliterating your chapter titles on purpose dear? Because if you are, that’s marvelous. I love alliteration. And if you aren’t, and it is some mad coincidence that your story title and first two chapter titles are all alliterated, you should pretend it was the plan all along and carry on with it.

An unforgiving light woke him up. *giggles* I interpreted this wrong at first, thinking “I wouldn’t forgive it either, if it woke me up.” But, obviously it is “unforgiving light” as opposed to “unforgivable light.” /completely pointless note that will hopefully at least bring Anna some amusment.

I’m approaching this review in a bit of a different sense than usual. Rather than combing through and simply bombarding you with random analyses, I want to comment on a few of the things that really stood out to me, for different reasons.

One is Auror Russel. He has more personality in his little finger than all of the MNFF Character Forum put together. I’m envious, rather, or perhaps regretful, that all the Aurors and officials in my stories are characteristically bland. Russel has a distinct characterization, and he stands out. You manage to create such strong impressions in your writing, in every aspect, from the atmosphere to the background characters.

Speaking of minor characters, the *ahem* disembodied voice of the jeering prisoner… he’s awfully knowledgeable of how to insult people by comparing them to dogs. I wonder why his thoughts were on that track. *cough*

I also wonder what it is you have to say about the prison system. Azkaban is painted very cynically. [I adore it and amuses me and it adds yet more entertainment value to the setting].

Lucius. *sigh* Lucius, Lucius, Lucius. He’s perfect, dear. I love the bit about him not being completely powerless. And just, his mannerisms. The coin is a fabulous touch. The sort of pride he eyes Lucas with when it recognizes his blood. I love that he says “our” ancestors, instead of “my”. And… the password is tiramisu. *facepalm* Dear, what am I to do with you?

Now, for what must be my favourite part of this chapter. He was no Legilimens, but well equipped with a different ability, so instead of prodding Lucius’ mind he sought out his heart. That is incredible, dear. I love it. Not in a “omg, love, *flails*” sort of way, but I am just in this… quiet awe of how beautiful an idea that is. It’s such an Anna thing to come up with. I would love to see this come up again later. Anywhere. In this story, in another story, just… oh, I must, it’s just… *sighs* I love it.

Now, I do believe there is another chapter on it’s way? O:-)


Author's Response: Alliterating my chapters on purpose, you say? You know, I wasn’t really, as in that I wasn’t going to force an alliteration if I couldn’t think of a good one, but it’s worked out well so far and I will stick with it if I can. =)

*giggles* I’m sorry to disappoint you my dearest, but I’m as clueless as you are about the true identity of the jeering prisoner. He just appeared, somehow. Maybe he’ll reveal himself to me later in the story, and if he does I promise I’ll share the information with you.

*now sniggers* Of course the password had to be tiramisu! What else? And I’m delighted that you approve of Lucius, seeing as my version of him is completely inspired by yours. He will be appearing again in V&V; in fact, I have a special father/son conversation planned, which I think you might enjoy.

I must confess that Lucas’ “ability” isn’t completely my own invention – I’ve borrowed it from an author called Jennifer Roberson, but I’m planning on using it quite differently from the way she does. And, *grins mysteriously*, it will come up again. In this story, and in another story – where it’s very important to the plot.

A new chapter is, as you have noticed, on its way. And now it’s even been submitted. ;) Thank you, preciousest, for this inspiring review.

This wasn’t an easy chapter to pull off, dear. Spanning two decades, tying them together only with three letters and the recipients accompanying thoughts and reflections. But you did so marvelously, cleverly tying in canon to give the reader not only familiarity, but a good frame of reference. It helps make more sense of the time. You clear up a lot of questions that people might ask about how Lucas fits into the canon world, and why wouldn’t have come up in the books.
As for letters, perhaps it’s just me – I’ve always had difficult writing letters to anyone, never being quite sure what to say – and so, when I have to write a letter for a story, it can be a bit of a task. But, your letters are wonderfully written. Appropriate to the subject, to the writer, to the addressee. The tone and language is lovely, and the flow is so natural. And, the wonderful usage of correspondence makes me feel like I’m reading Pride & Prejudice. :)
But he will not be hidden away like something to be ashamed of, no, because after only nineteen days he is already making me proud. This line makes me very fond of Grace. In a way, it may be because she is just too proud a person to feel any other way, but I still find it endearing.
You can be proud of your actions, but don’t be a fool and brag about them. Telling my son that his father is a man of principles is one thing, having to confess that he is locked up in Azkaban is another. I also like this. Not that I agree entirely with her, of course, but I think it is a very good way of conveying a different view; so many people cover up any support of the “bad” side with mental imbalance and darkness and “evil”, but this seems like a very fair-minded point. It’s also sad that Lucius doesn’t quite heed her advice.
I also found it interesting that Grace chose to sign the letter with “Love”. It makes you wonder more about what sort of liaison they had. And what’s really going on with her feelings. Sort of like, a long, well composed letter of understanding, strength and independence, everything well disguised, but then the truth is given away with a single word at the end. Well, that’s my perception, at least.
You describe Lucius’ state of being very well after he reads the letter. I think it’s something that everyone has felt at some point – just a state of rather blank shock. And, bah, I feel like I’m just gushing and raving, but the way you start with the letter and lead straight into him putting the letter down on his desk, and just gazing off, you put the reader right there with Lucius. And the simplicity of him just putting down the letter, you can feel what he’s feeling, knowing what it is he’s just read.


I love the way you flashback on the relationship by tying it into the present. And, the way you include little details like, “Barely covered by silk sheets…”.

He had plenty of time to change his mind, to break off the engagement and offer apologies to anyone who might want them. Then he could propose to Grace instead. If he went to such lengths she was bound to accept, even if she had said she would not. I also love this. The sudden feeling of just wanting to get up and do something ridiculous, just because it’s what you want, but realising that it’s just not possible. I really like what it says about Lucius. He’s not cold, he’s merely hardened his heart. Chosen his duties over desires.

And, a carriage, for the Blacks? Where on earth did you come up with that? *coughs*

In the next section, I absolutely love how you bring in Lucius ‘real’ motives behind wanting Draco to go to Durmstrang. It’s fabulous. *applauds* And then, later, him thinking that Draco should really be a Hufflepuff. *snorts and giggles*
I don’t know what to say about the last letter and the thoughts that follow it. It is exactly as it should be, I think… solemn. It’s hard to tell what it is Lucius feels, or what he should feel. Aside from the two letters and the odd glimpse, Grace has not been in his life for the past twenty years, and the time they shared was short. But, there is still something there that makes Siobhan jealous. There is something very beautiful, I think. In whatever it is they shared in that time, and it is very sad, that it was something that was in the past and could not be relived or revisited.

And, I still enjoy how you continue to develop that part of Lucius, that wants. The part that wished he’d been informed in time to attend the funeral, but knows that it is better that he didn’t. The part that wants to claim Lucas, the part that wants to contact him. But, the path he chooses in preserving peace and dignity and appearance, for whatever reasons.

*applauds again*

Wonderful, dear.





Author's Response: *just grins stupidly* I have no idea what to say in response to this review, dearest. Except, of course, that you\'re being much too nice to me, and that you seem to know my mind and my story better than I do.

Thank you, thank you, älskling!

Charlie, while by no means a bad dueller, was more of a hands-on man... - *giggles* Is he really? My dear, I almost wish to to challenge you to write a whole chapter of V&V with nothing to inspire the imaginations of us Charlie/Lucas shippers. Just to see if it's possible. I don't think it really can be done, considering how little it takes to catch the attention of my imagination.

Nowadays, he didn’t have to make an effort to be aware of even the slightest shift in his friend’s emotions... - I read that, and had to stop and think. It suddenly seemed so familiar, like it reminded me of someone else. And, then, !, I realised - JASPER! It's not quite the same thing, of course, but it's so very similiar. Hee.

...the whole wizarding world was still obsessed with learning about his whereabouts. Oh, an opportunity for me to be useful in this review. The use of 'about' and 'whereabouts' so close together makes for some awkward repetition. Here, it might have been better to say '...with learning of his whereabouts,' or '...with discovering his whereabouts.' There's always more than one way to say things.'

What interested him was to know what he was like, the young man whom Katie Bell had found worthy of her time and affection. I really like this line. It gives me a sudden rush of Katie's feelings for Harry. But, more importantly, it's an interesting way of characterising Lucas, as well as showing us who Harry Potter is in the PoV we're looking through. He's not The Boy Who Lived or The Chosen One, but someone who is of personal importance to the new people in Lucas' life. And, the phrasing shows a high esteem for Katie, which makes me happy.

Thinking it would be sad to see Charlie with a sore back... - *giggles again* No. We wouldn't want that, would we? >.>

"...someone who knows to appreciate the good things in life.” - Am I allowed point out that this is not a trait anyway connected with the Hufflepuff house and is utterly random and seems to be a reference to a certain Hufflepuff I know. *ahem*

"...I wonder who would bore the other to death first?" - This line makes me laugh out loud. There are some other good ones, but this is hilarious. :D

“Not necessarily, I don’t think. I can understand motivation, and I can understand doing everything in your power for a cause, or a person. What I don’t get are the things that motivate them.” - Oooh, I think this is my favourite part in the chapter. It really says something. I would have liked to have seen them talk about it more. Though, I think that would have been hard to do, since it directly leads into the Charlie's explaination about the man he killed. But, still, I'd have liked to seen more of their contemplation of this. I definitely agree with Charlie, and I think the way you put this was perfect. *applauds*

This chapter was very interesting and unexpected. It sort of seems like an interlude because it has such a distinct style that is so seperate from the other chapters. I really love dialogue, and I imagine a lot of people feel the same way. It was a great way of giving us information, and characterisation, as well as developing the Charlie-Lucas dynamic. (Look, I even used a hyphen instead of a slash!) I like that nothing actually happens, but it's still interesting and it still drives the reader to get to the end, because the conversation is so wonderful. It's sort of like a conversation from His Dark Materials or The Republic; something that goes into ideas and does more than just relay information important to the plot.

I would have preferred it longer (most things are better longer, after all!), but it was quite enjoyable anyway. I am admittedly completely ready for some rising action, now. (Oh, dear, I've gone and put my mind totally in the gutter, because I've considered that phrase several times while writing this paragraph and that's the first time I gave a little snicker.) *ahem* Anyway. Lovely chapter, and I'm really going to try and make my next review smut free. >.>

I don’t know how I feel about Ed and Porter ‘waiting on tenterhooks’ to find out how Cedric’s night with Cho went. It’s not like a cynical ‘Oh, guys don’t care’; it’s just the way they go about showing interest is very different from females. I think of how Chandler and Joey were there for Ross when he was deciding between Rachel and Julie, and how Weiss was there for Vaughn when he was having issues with being married to Lauren while he still had feelings for Sydney. Guys care, they’re there for one another, but don’t get involved to the extent women often do.

I think they’re conversation is a good reflection of how they might be their for Cedric, but I’m a little put off at how interested they were. If they knew it would be like Cedric to head down to the stadium, probably for alone time as was his plan, would they really have gone down there, too? Are they that anxious, that they have nothing else to do? I mean, if I went somewhere to be alone, I’d want my friends to figure that out, and not put their interest ahead of my time to think things over. So yes, I love that they know him well enough, and that they’re concerned. I just think as guys, they’d want to give their friend the time he wants, and let him come to talk to him when he’s ready.

Aside from the guy stuff, this chapter is a rather painful one to read. I feel really awful for Cho. Maybe more awful than I would normally. I’m not sure why, because it’s not like I’m in her position or anything, but to be broken up with, not because you did anything wrong, or because there was a fight, but because you’re just not enough? Poor dear. As such, I feel no sympathy for Cedric in this chapter. It’s not that I hate him, or he deserves it, but it’s just that necessary emotion that comes with having to make that sort of choice. She’s going to be hurt, so he has to have a negative backlash, too. It’s just something he has to live with (not for long, though. *cough*).

Her fate had been sealed with that kiss. Wonderful line; painful, yes. But just, so sad, for Cedric and for Cho. :(

And, here, again, we have you making your characters and their situation totally available to your readers to connect with. I don’t want to be a broken record, but it’s just so real.

I love this story! *grins*

Let's see. To start -- Percy. I love your characterisation of him. He viewed them as a necessary but unfortunate part of life That line made me laugh, right off the bat. Poor Percy.

I really like how you showed how his relationship with Penny had come about. The platonic connection first, how he felt more comfortable with her and how he didn't think of her as a "girl" because of how she treated him. (And it makes me so curious as to what Penny was feeling about Percy throughout their relationship.) The way you described her on the day in the greenhouse was beautiful -- the imagery was fabulous, and I could definitely picture her. And then, Penny was a girl again ;) I really like that. And the bit about his "well-reglated heart" skipping a beat. It just... makes so much sense. And I think it's a great idea, the way you chose to frame the development of Percy's feelings, and it's also very suited to his character. :)

And, the bit with him sending off the letter? Oh my goodness, I most definitely related to him in that part. I know what that feels like. The waiting. And it not being alright until you get the reply. And then how everything is just instantly fixed when you do get the reply.

Also, great to see Percy doing something a little bit naughty instead of being the uptight Prefect we're used to. The justification was simple but perfect -- he was a teenaged boy.

I'm horrified for Percy with Ginny's walking in, but also immensely amused. Now we know where Ginny picked up her habit of kissing in hidden corners of Hogwarts. *cough* Who'd have guessed?

And, the last bit is just adorable. It really gives a good idea of the relationship, and I think it's very very sweet.*ships Percy/Penelope.

This is a terrible review. Oops. Well, I just think this is a very well done, very sweet little story. It's also very realistic of love and relationships, I think. And it's rare to see good Percy fic, where we get to see a good side of his character prior to OOTP when he leaves his family. Good job, dear :)