I think this is a very refreshing writing in between all the one-type dark/angsty fics. I really loved your style, mostly because it resembles my own stories I always write in my native language. Focusing on emotions rather than action or narration. That's how I like it, and I think you've aced it.

Unlike kumy, I think your use of italics is a good choice. Maybe it's just me, but I didn't even think about where Ginny is and why all this is happening. The italics and use of first person PoV implicated to me that this is actually a journey through the depths of Ginny's heart. It is simply great.

However, especially some sentences in the first few paragraphs are somewhat unclear and confusing.

"The dog turns and walks away and I follow. I know that I don't want to go where he leads. I know that I want nothing more than to follow."

You use sentence in the beginning of a paragraph, but in the next, there's "I don't stop. I know where I am being led. I don't care about their gossip, lives, or deaths. I just want to get where we are going." Normally, I understand all the contradictions of feelings and emotions, but this one seems a tad confusing and even somewhat unintentional to me. But again, this is just how I felt.

Also, the dog thing looks a bit irrelevant. Explaining the why in responses to reviews only helps individuals. I think you should relate the dog to something or another so that it would fit better in the flow, not leaving question marks in the reader's mind.

To sum up, I think this is a very good fiction, and I congragulate you. If you want to read a more formal version of this reveiw, please drop by the Fiction Junction, Recommend Your Favourite Story Part Deux thread in the forums.

Ayse.

Author's Response: I hate an unresponded review. Read below for the response

Oh, Sunray, this brought tears to my eyes! And that's saying something, because a story written in English hardly ever affects me so much. It's only when it's written this amazingly!

Perhaps it's because I've been writing a Remus/Tonks story myself and that I'm in the mood that this story touched me so much. To be able to describe grief and mourning so perfectly... it's astonishing.

I don't know how much role Kumy has had in keeping the characters IC, but in the end, this is your writing, and I congratulate you on how well you captured Tonks and her feelings for Remus. A letter to the gone is slightly overused in my opinion, though you made it fit perfectly with the emotion and the characters. Maybe, despite being something of a fangirl, I wouldn't describe Remus in such a positive light, but you managed to convey through the letter how Tonks saw him, and it's heart-breaking. An excellent way to visualise such a strong part of Tonks's character.

The part where she visits Remus's memories is heart-wrenching. It so vividly sharpens the sense of loss, and I felt my heart breaking at the sentence Then I break out of the memory. I cannot bear it any longer. Because neither could I.

I also think the ghost-Boggart was genius. It's so smoothly blended into the flow - it doesn't stand out as the idea of Remus returning as a ghost would in any other conjuncture, but makes the reader subtly wonder, and it perfectly evolves into the Boggart, wrapping up the scene excellently. It's a truly masterful writing, Sunray.

I love such fiction that thus affects me, and this is a perfect piece of writing, especially for those who love a good Remus/Tonks. :)

Author's Response: :DDD Ayse, I'm so thrilled you liked it!! Kumy's part in keeping Tonks IC was making her a lot less weepy and poetic. She was kinda wimpy before. I'm possitively flattered that you like this story (which happens ot be the favorite one that I've written). Thanks for the review!

Hello Gmariam,

I just wanted to leave a word to say how awed I am at your work. It is such a powerful chapter, and yet it seems to be written so easily - you just seem to flow with words. *sigh* I will never be able to do that, darn.

Just one thing - it maybe because I haven't read the stories you mention in Author's Notes, but does Cathryn die the same year she was married to Albus? Because she seems to have died five years ago, and Albus remembers their marriage five years ago as well...?

Good luck with the challenge - though you already seemed to have preserved a winning spot :)

*mutters about being a stupid Gryffindor for daring to enter the challenge where Gmariam enters as well*

~Kehribar

Author's Response: Hi Kehribar! Wow, what a lovely review! You are too kind! *blushes* Thank you for coming to read this story. I\'m glad you enjoyed it. I really like writing about Albus Dumbledore, if you hadn\'t guessed. ;) Yes, his wife Cathryn did die the same year they were married. It was very sad. It happened in the story \"Portrait of a Love Lost,\" which I wrote for the August Challenge. I was excited to bring her back for this story. I would hardly say it is assured of placing, though, there are a lot of good entries for this prompt! I\'m glad you entered, I will be sure to check out your story sometime soon. Thanks again for the lovely review, and good luck on your own tale! ~Gina :)

Anna,

Wow. This is almost always the one word to start a review, but I really do mean it. Your writing pulls the reader in immediately. I usually don't read minor character stories and such, because most of the time, they are not written masterfully. But your story is most definitely not one of them.

It's an interesting choice to use present tense for this story. Since it's about Gideon, whom we'd consider a "historical" character in fandom, and the first war, I would expect the use of plain old past tense. I mean, that feels right. But, you pull the present tense off so masterfully that rather than ruining the story, you give it a totally refreshing, kind of exotic taste. I'm in awe how you can blend the past tense of flashbacks and previous events into the present tense narrative.

The story's increadibly moving. I especially love how you make Gideon's feelings and thoughts so real. Would I be wrong if I presume you sometimes write what you personally feel / think by converting them to fit the story and character? I mean, if you just come up with them, not actually experience them, would these still be as effective and moving? If yes, you are absolutely a genius, my friend. If no, you're a wonderful writer ;)

It is a society that is on the verge of becoming completely numb to the news of more attacks, more casualties. They’ve all felt it, Gideon included; the feeling you get when you read the newspaper and are not moved by the description of the war. Does that make you a bad person? He wonders this. He wonders about a society that increasingly cannot even muster emotion for those they have lost.

So true. I felt like I was reading something about all the ongoing wars in the world right now. This is something looked over in fanfiction, I think. I mean, to connect the real wars to the first war in the Wizarding world. It does help it seem much more realistic, like you did. And it also touches the reader, leading them to actually think about war.

To be a bit more specific about the story, I wonder if the reason why Gideon can't do magic is his despair and disappointment in the magical world? It feels like loss of hope leads to loss of belief, and vice versa. A very true message.

Okay, I'm ending my ramble here. Sorry to give you a headache ;) But I'm very curious about the next chapter.

Best of luck in the challenge!

Author's Response: Ayse,

Thank you for the incredible review! Without a doubt one of the kindest I\'ve ever received. I\'m *so* glad that you like the story! It\'s been both a challenge and a joy to write.

The choice to write in present tense stemmed from my desire for the readers to really connect with Gideon. I want you to feel what he\'s feeling, to see what he\'s seeing. Basically, to experience all the things that he is experiencing. Since the time and topic are so far removed, I really needed something to connect you to his world. I\'m glad the gamble paid off, in your opinon!

I can\'t say I feel *exactly* what Gideon is feeling, but I do try to place myself in his shoes. It helps, as you point out, that there is a parallel between the wars in the world right now and the Wizarding World\'s War. It\'s not impossible for me to relate the emotion of being numb to the news of the war, because it\'s a feeling I think many people are struggling with right now. It\'s incredibly powerful and important, and I hope I\'m getting it across well!

I think you\'re on the right track with loss of hope and loss of belief being coupled together. It\'s not something I\'ve tangibly spelled out, but it seems like the two would go hand-in-hand. Just this downward spiral of remorse and anguish and all sorts of bad things. Guilt, too, that he feels over Elizabeth plays a big role for Gideon.

Anyway, I should go finish up the final chapter before the deadline. Eek! Thank you again for the WONDERFUL review. It really made my day to see such nice words from a friend. :)

Talk to you later!

Ash, this is, in one word, amazing. The tone is wonderfully evocative of the post-war atmosphere, and you handled the first person PoV so masterfully, somehow differently from any other I've read before. In the first few paragraphs, the use of second person plural rather than first person singular sets the tone perfectly, it gives the sense that the person is addressing directly to the reader. You managed to close the little gap the first person PoV usually forms between the character and the reader, so as the reader, I felt that I am the audience addressed by a real person. I very much applaud you in managing that.

The descriptions, combined with such a powerful style of narration, paint an extremely vivid mental picture. It felt almost as though I was watching a documentary where a war-victim spoke as the camera surveyed the post-war scenes - unavoidable destruction, death lingering over the ruins, bodies, monuments and the grief that defines those left behind. Your style makes everything extremely visual, and it is even more amazing because you manage this with little description of the actual scenes. Again, it's very masterful.

The dead paid the price for us, dying so we could live to fight another day, and so we could rebuild the world after the war. ~ This line captured my mind, especially the middle part of it. I found it touching that they died not to save the world or their friends and relatives, but to give them a chance to live to fight. It is a very different perspective, and touches the reader's heart, making everything even more real.

Another thing I noticed is that you didn't write the lyrics in italics. You did a splendid job of blending those lines into the flow of the narration; I would never have guessed those lines were lyrics if you hadn't mentioned it in author's notes. I think writing them in italics would diminish the effect. Great job.

I can only guess that the person who's speaking is Tonks... judging by the mention of Remus in the last paragraph. However, I really like it that you didn't make it obvious. Personally, it made me feel personally connected with this story, particularly because I had done exactly the same thing in one of my one-shots and I really love the effect. I think it allows a little room in the reader's imagination.

Overall, this is a wonderful piece of writing which is yet another proof of your great writing skills.

Hey Melissa!

Wonderful story! You pulled off the second-person narrative masterfully, and Lisa'a characterization is excellent. She really got me thinking about being invisible, and the people who think they are invisible.

You chew, swallow, and take another bite methodically, not thinking about anything in particular.

I love this sentence, for some reason. I don't know; throughout the whole fic, and maybe somewhat because of the style, it seems to me that Lisa chooses or condemns herself to being invisible. I don't know if this was your intent, but I think it fits well with the choice she makes between laughter and crying in the end, because she makes a resolution by hoping that she can break the chains of invisibility. Did this make any sense? ;)

Congrats on a story well-written, and good luck in the challenge!

Author's Response: You\'re exactly right about Lisa condemning herself to being invisible. She\'s so set on it, that she never tries to reach out to anyone else, until she decides she\'s sick of crying. So, yes, you made perfect sense! Thanks for the lovely review! =)

Hi Megan! I love your story. The summary pulled me in immediately - really, you've written a very intriguing passage - it really raises curiosity. I especially love the very first few pharagraphs: the storm, Sirius's nightmare, and James's arrival. Well, your writing is great, and I congragulate you on this. But... don't you think that this theme can do with some different style or point of view? Oh well, I personally think that if you really enjoyed writing it, and if I, as a reader, enjoyed reading it, then it's great! I just think that you're talented and experienced enough to maybe try something different - something like A Single Miscalculation, maybe. *smacks head* Stupid me. That’s a school assignment! Okay... ;)

Author's Response: Oh, Ayse, what a wonderful review. I\'m glad you liked this story.

A different PoV, you say? Like, tell it in first-person? To be honest, I\'m not usually very fond of writing in first-person (and I think \'A Single Miscalculation\' is my only try at it). But hmm ... I might just try something like it again.

~Megan

Hello Gina!

Absolutely brillant. I don't know why I haven't visited your author page earlier while strolling through the archieves to find a really good story to read.

This may not make some sense, but as I read this story, I found myself thinking of my own small circle of close-knit friends, and how we keep falling further apart after graduation from the school at which we had spent seven years together. We're even in the same university, same department, and yet, life steps between us. I guess that's why I'm almost insanely interested in the Marauders and their fates - their friendship is too familiar. But anyway, before I go on and invade your review page with my musings, thanks for yet another wonderful and tought-provoking read, Gina :) Best of luck in the challenge!

Author's Response: Hi Kehribar! Thank you so much for reading this story and for leaving such a wonderful review. *blushes* I\'m really glad you enjoyed it, it means a lot to me that as a Maruader fan you found it believable. I haven\'t written Peter very much and I\'m still a bit surprised at how he turned out. Thanks for the luck - see you around the boards! ~Gina :)

What a beautiful poem! As everyone already said, it's a wonderful portrayal of Harry's feelings about his 'destiny'. I really love it that you're aware it is not completly in-character for Harry to wish to die because of the prophecy - well, it may be an exaggeration, but it certianly is very realistic. It must be hard not to consider the easy way out when there's such a weight on one's shoulders.

A knot that won’t untie.

That must be my favourite line. It's so intense, so meaningful.

It's amazing that we have so very talented Gyrffs ;) Congrats on a poem wonderfully written.

Author's Response: Thanks so much Ayse! I knew when I was writing it that it was a bit OOC, but I thought it turned out quite well, so I still wanted to post it. I\'m surprised at the number of people who agree with me on the possibility of this though, even if it is an exaggeration.

Hello Miel,
It's been a while since the last time I've enjoyed a story this much. It was a very nice way of turning the events from Harry to the other obvious alternative, Neville. I also liked how you kept the focus on Sirius. It seems like you see Sirius as the key to the events concerning the Potters, right? I like this approach, because it's a nice alteration from the obvious characters one would expect the weight to be shifted upon: I'd expect either Wormtail or Snape, as most writers tend to go for; or Neville as the focus of the story. But using Sirius gives the reader a sense of sideways glance at the events.
I also like the pragmatic order; counting down to the nail. It's a very masterful anology.
I understand that this is a one-shot challenge entry (Let me guess, did Kumy's nudges play a part in the writing of this?;) , but if you've had the time, I think this story would develop into a complete wonder if you'd work on it a bit more, and deeped it. I mean, I felt that some parts are quite shallow; if you'd elaborate with maybe some more dialogue, as if to take a few more sentences to establish the settings more soundly... But anyway, it is very interesting and enjoyable as it is, and I think you've a great change for being placed in the challenge.
Best of luck!

Author's Response: Hey Ayse!

Thanks for the suggestion. I\'ll try to add more scenes before the deadline ... (which is tomorrow).

*Laugh* No Our dear cheerleader Kumy is entirely innocent on this one. I was just browsing the archive and noticed that there\'s an entry for every house except my beloved Gryffindor. So took one of my favourite poem (which coincidentally fits the challenge) and wrote an entry.

^_^ You actually gave me too much credit for choosing Sirius. Sirius was simply just the easiest character for me to write and he does have that mean streak that reminds me somewhat of Draco so Slytherin.

Thanks for that great review and suggestions :)