Just your average Broadway-loving, Spring Awakening-obsessed teen Harry Potter fanatic who is hopelessly in love with Remus Lupin and SIRIUSly depressed after DH.......
Thanks....
And reviews are ALWAYS appreciated!!!! ALWAYS appreciated, you have no idea how happy reviews make me feel....
Oh my goodness, I LOVE this chapter SO much!!!! So funny.....especially James's line about being the manliest men in the world, and Sirius drawing a unibrow on Remus....great. I didn't like the first chapter that much, it isn't that much of a strong chapter, however it served its' purpose (introducing the characters) and led way to a FABULOUS chapter!!!!!!!!!!!
Great job!
I will be looking for more. Fabulous.
Author's Response: Thank you! I\'ll probably go back and edit the first chapter at some point, but I\'m glad you liked this one!
Really really good job for your first chapter, I love your writing technique and style! However, I think you should put Tom's reaction to watching the rabbit die, I think that would totally augment his characterization!
Author's Response: Thank you for your compliments! In retrospect (wow... weird word) I could have shown more of Tom\'s reaction to the rabbit dying. Thanks so much for your review! :)
Wow, I just finished the last chapter and went right to this chapter, I really liked the start that you're making. I enjoyed how Tom took abnormalty as a compliment, even as a kid you can see his thirst for greatness.
I just have one little question- wouldn't Nagini be dead by the time that Voldemort made her into a Horcrux, if he met her when he was eleven?
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! Nagini... I probably woraped canon a tiny bit there. Though I suppose he could have kept her alive magically...
Author's Response: \'Woraped\' was meant to be \'warped,\' by the way... (Typos. They happen.)
What a fabulous and emotional take and such a unique canon situation! Good job for filling in the "missing moment"!!!!!
Ooh, this fic was so cute!!!!! I really liked how the title was woven through as a central theme, this fic was really unified.
However, if I may suggest a small edit, why don't you put references to all the ppl Ginny had helped, the people she had seen, maybe Tonks's death (remember, they were close to each other).
Still good job!!!!!
I really like this story. It needs some more work and refining, but I think you have a GREAT start here and I can't wait to read more! However, on that note, I have some pieces of advice that I think may make your story even better. Consider them constructive criticism, because I really respect you as a writer and I love the start you have, so I'm simply trying to make the story better. Without further ado, my advice:
1. The ending needs improvement. I really loved your last sentence. However, "to be continued" totally mitigated the effect of that sentence. It's unnecesary, we know from the summary that it's not completed, so that means that it's going to be continued.
2. I've noticed that sometimes you use short and colloquial words such as "ok". While people use these words in daily speech, it doesn't look very professional in this fic, and it would probably be better if you reconsidered your word choice.
3. Comma usage- Some times you have really irregular comma usage, and, for me personally as a writer, this is one of the hardest aspects of writing, and I don't think that I have mastered this personally (read my stories if you don't believe me) but it's something that all of us really have to try at improving and perfecting. This is especially important to you because you use long and elaborate sentences, and while some of them are good, sometimes, irregular comma usage makes it difficult to comprehend. Take this sentence for instance: Little did she know at the time, that the tall red-headed boy who was so mean to her, would become her great love, the one person she could not live without.
I love that scentence, don't get me wrong, but some of the comma usage makes it really confusing. You don't need a comma after her, and that's where it gets confusing.
That's it for now. I would like to say again how much I love this story and I hope that my review wasn't too harsh, I'm just trying to help you. Good luck with this story!
Hope my review helped,
Allison
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your constructive criticism. It wasn\'t harsh at all. I really appreciate it since this is my first attempt at fan fiction. Actually, it is my first attempt at fiction at all since I was in elementary school :) I will definitely take your advice into account as I read back through this chapter and write my subsequent chapters. I definitely agree that my comma usage is one of my weaknesses as a writer. I will work on that. Thanks again!
Great job, I loved the way that you portrayed Ron's character, especially the line "I would take a Killing Curse for you, okay? Even if that does sound sort of unoriginal." Fantastic!
Author's Response: THANK YOU! it was so hard to write ron like this because i really wanted him to come across as vulnerable, but still be him, of course. yay, i\'m so happy you think he\'s in character! (it\'s so much harder to write him in character than it is for hermione, i think.) anyway thanks for reading, you\'re the best.
One school: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Two Girls: A freak and a chatterbox
Three blood groups: Pure bloods, Half Bloods and Mudbloods
Four Houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin
Five boys: A rebel, a pandered child, a traitor, a werewolf, and a distressed boy.
The story starts with them...
Five, four, three, two, one- Avada Kedavra!
... and ends with them.
Cute job, but you might want to work on your summary, make it more professional.
Author's Response: Thank you! And thanks for the constructive criticism. =)
Author's Response: Thank you! And thanks for the constructive criticism. I am working on it. =)
This is very cute. You did a very good job with this. I enjoyed the dynamics of the motherly relationship between Harry and Mrs. Weasley that you portrayed in this fic. Great job!!!
Author's Response: Thanks! :)
Wow, this is a really good start and kudos to you for that!!! However, I have some small bits of constructive criticism for you, that I hope help:
1. Your formatting- Here on MNFF, we don't indent the first line of our paragraphs. Don't ask my why, it's just not done.
2. Chapter Unity- This chapter seems more like a series of small vignettes and less of one unified chapter. Chapters should be unified; the different unifications are what diffrentiates chapter from chapter.
3. Remus's reaction to full moon- We all know that Remus gets tired/ill before full moon. You should incorporate that into this fic.
You may have noticed that I only had a lfew pieces of con crit, that's because you're doing so well already that I didn't have much to correct! I hope this review hasn't been to harsh, I love your story and since this is your first story here, you do have room to improve! It has lots of potential so kudos to you!
Author's Response: We (yes, there are two of us; though sometimes I do feel like a split personality :) ) don\'t think your review was too harsh. We\'ll be editing after we add a new chapter. Thanks!
This story was so good! I've never read one like this, and I really liked the insight into Luna's character, especially the end with Krum. However, I think that Luna would have recognized Krum because of the Triwizard Tournament (if she recognized Fleur, she should recognize Krum, even if she isn't into professional Quidditch) however, you still did a great job and Luna's thoughts sounded just like I would imagine they would, based on canon dialogue!!!! Fabulous job!
Author's Response: I\'m glad you liked it!
I do realize, now that you point it out, that Luna probably would have reconized Krum, but I think I\'ll hold off on editing that in. For the sake of it, I can think of two reason why her not reconizing him might work- 1) she might have knew Fleur a slight bit better, due to the Beauxbatons students sitting at the Ravenclaw table, and 2) Ron makes a comment on Krum having grown a beard, so he might not be as reconizable. I might change my mind latter, though. Thanks so much for your imput!
Wow, this was a very intruiging fic with a very original premise, I've never read one like this before. You did a great job with it!!!! However, although I love the metaphorical summary, and I think it is so well written, it would probably be better if the summary was less vague. Anyway, I still think this a great fic, I love how you wove the theme throughout the story, it really gave good insight into Tom Riddle. Great job!
-Alli
Author's Response: Oh, thank you, Alli. I\'m glad to hear that you enjoyed it.
As for the summary, I know it\'s a bit vague, and I usually don\'t do that very often; this fic just didn\'t seem like it wanted to be a more detailed summary. But I\'m glad to hear you liked the woven theme!
~Megan
Oh wow this is a really good oneshot!!! Great job!!
Author's Response: Thank you. I\'m really pleased you enjoyed it.
Very good job with this story as an explanation of how Malfoy got away. However, some details were a little unclear, for instance the murder of Callum Keelan. When did that happen? Why is it mentioned in particular? Also, I think there are some other crimes Malfoy has to answer to-escaping Azkaban, for instance, that are pretty important. Otherwise, though, you did a good job and I love the character of your OC Isabel Keelan.
Author's Response: Thanks! =)
Wow you've really got this updated nice and quick, I like your start, this is a good idea! Good luck with this and good work so far!
Author's Response: Thanks! I hope you enjoy it :)
I love this story, you did such a good job! I love your simple easy to read, present-tense writing style, however I do have some pieces of concrit:
Paragraph spacing- try to break it up more, with lines in between paragraphs, and especially in dialogue. Take note of the paragraph about Lily, thatr is a bit too jumbled, I feel like you're including different ideas in the same paragraph and you probably should break it up to make it more easier on the eyes and also to augment your writing abilities.
Anyways, I really do like this story, kudos on a job well done!
As a fellow Remus/Tonks fanfic writer, I must congradulate you on this! Good job! Kudos on a job well done with good charecterization!
Good job on this charming little oneshot, however I do have some (very little, I'm very tired and I really don't have enough time to leave a proper, really nitpicky review) but:
1. Quotations- use quotation marks correctly. Please don't use apostrophes, it looks so unprofessional and is so difficult to read.
2. Confusion near the end- are the children parseltongues??? Or am I just being really thick and tired and missing a whole part of the story?
But besides from these minor critiques, one of them a mere formatting error, I really like this insight. Good job and sorry for leaving such a lack-luster review, but I hope it was somewhat helpful, perhaps later I will take the time to write more, I enjoyed your story so much I wouldn't mind reading/reviewing again.
Author's Response: Hehe, well, in answer to your commetns
1) They aren\'t apostrophes, they are single quotations marks. PErfectly acceptable in England, and JKR uses them herself.
2) The children aren\'t parseltongues...neither is Harry though, which is kind of the whole point. He only thinks they are because they can understand him, and he doesn\'t realise he no longer is himself.
I am very pleased you liked this though, and liked it enough to consider reading it again. ^^