01/05/07
Hi! I've been writing fanfiction for a while now and I've finally ventured into the world of Harry Potter. I wrote Things Aren't Always Black and White for my friends, so I hope that you enjoy it as much as they seem to do!
Want to battle? http://www.fanfiction.mugglenet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19853
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A Marauders’ Little Christmas by trinsy
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: “These wonderful things are the things we’ll remember all through our lives!”
Sitting in his cell in Azkaban, Sirius reflects on one memorable Christmas with the Marauders. A one-shot companion to Canis Majoris. (It can be read independently.)
Date: 02/07/07 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot
Wow! I really loved this. I liked how you introduced the Marauder's Map. I absolutely adored the little digs at James concerning Lily, they really made me laugh. Very good story!
Recovery by nerd2006
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Harry is severely injured on the hunt for the Horcruxes. First of three parts.
Date: 03/04/07 Title: Chapter 1: Harry
Hi! So glad to see your chapters up *dances* And just to let your readers know, chapter three is also great and should be along soon, if I ever get myself into gear! that is! :D
Author's Response: Hey! lol. I\'m glad you think chapter three is good, I\'ve been scared about that one. haha. ;-)
Sparks and Mud by greennotebook
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: A 4-part chronicle of the collapse of the relationships between Hogwarts's Four Founders, "Sparks and Mud" follows the founders through the year that ended their ability to work together, yet inevitably set Hogwarts onto the path it is on today. Through a smattering of romance, friendship, humor, and of course, tragedy, find out how the promise contained in the relationship of the founders fell apart into sparks and mud.
Mentions of violence in later chapters- nothing big, but I'm putting the warning up anyway.
Date: 04/07/09 Title: Chapter 1: A Fiery Blaze of Glory
Hi there! After seeing your banner over in the Badger Bar and being once again enthrawled by the dreamboat that is Richard Armitage (lol) I came over to investigate. Also I thought I recognised the name of your story, and I was right when I saw that it was my friend Hayley who beta read this for you :D.
Okay, firstly wow. Seriously. This is the first founder era fic that I've read and I thought it was amazing! To say this is your first fanfiction you've done a fantastic job! *applauds*
Such a situation could only lead to increased mistrust.... and burnings.
I presume that the burnings refer to witch burnings here? I just liked the fact that you nicely set the historical context here :).
My dear lady, how much magic could one of such low blood do without training?
I love how you write Salazar's condescending attitude towards Muggles.
Godric caught up Helga’s hand and kissed it.
Aww so sweet ^_^
Helga’s laugh sparkled
This phrase sounded a little weird to me. I'm not quite sure a laugh can sparkle. Also, to make for easier reading you might consider making the gaps between the paragraphs a little smaller :)
“You are so poetic with your words, Godric. Can you fight so eloquently?” Salazar rose from his seat, grinning.
Hehe, I love this bit, it really made me smile. I lloved the banter between the two of them, they act like little school boys themselves.
“Oh, let them fall, and we shall all go down simultaneously in a fiery blaze, happy together.”
Awww, so nice and fluffy :D. It's great how you show how deep their friendship was before everything went wrong. Reading this I feel that I've been transported back in time, the language and the proprietry is magnificently written.
Congratulations on having this make the featured storis list, I can see why! I can't believe you haven't gotten more reviews for this, because, based on the first chapter alone, you deserve them :D.
I'm off to read the next chapters, thanks for a great read :).
~Whit
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback, Whit. In particular: if you know how I can make the extra space between paragraphs disappear, let me know, because it drives me crazy, too. I'm not really sure how it happened in the first place.
Also, I suppose having a laugh sparkle is a little weird.... but it made sense in my head, so I never stopped to consider it.
Thanks so much for your kind words. I look forward to more Badger Bar discussions!
Dark Side of the Moon by Lioness06
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary:
In fifth year, Sirius along with James and Peter managed the difficult Animagus transformation. In fifth year, Sirius played the ‘werewolf prank’ on Snape. One was an act of loyalty, brotherhood, and friendship; the other an act of betrayal, vengeance, and recklessness. This story spanning the Marauders' fifth year will deal with both these incidents, as well as Sirius’s increasing rejection of everything having to do with ‘The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black”.
Date: 11/04/07 Title: Chapter 1: Garden Rebellion
Yay! First reviewer! This was fantastic! I can't even describe how much I love this, you have Sirius written down to a tee and I've never before read anything about his home life...just wow! The kiss made me laugh, oh the daring! i loved how you incorporated Sirius' decorations in from Deathly Hallows. You have such a beautiful writing style that I'm envious lol. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to read the next installment!
Author's Response: yay! my first review :)
Oh it\'s so good to hear that I got Sirius\'s character down pat. He\'s def a very fun character to write about. Thank you for reviewing!
As Shadows Fall by FullofLife
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary:
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
—T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men" (1925)
‘My name’s Sirius,’ he said. ‘Sirius Black. I killed my wife.’
The Dark Lord’s hold over the British Empire has grown, his armies now stronger and more numerous than ever. The mere mention of his name strikes terror into the heart of witches and wizards all over the world. Shadows are beginning to fall, hope beginning to fade. Albus Dumbledore is doing his best to muster his own army. Unbeknownst to all, a Prophecy is about to be made – one that will change the course of the future forever.
Yet in some places, small joys can be found, in the midst of heartbreak. Sirius Black is mourning for his dead wife, when he meets a young girl, just out of Hogwarts. Will he allow her into his life? Will she allow him into hers?
Marauder-Era. Sirius/OC, James/Lily, Peter/OC. Warning will be changed along the course of the story.
Date: 10/28/07 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
Wow! I absolutely adored this, it is beautifully written and you've managed to captivate me already. I love Sirius to pieces and you described him perfectly. I can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: Thanks! :D
Through Winter's Dusty Memories by rita_skeeter
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: The next time you see me, I'll turn away.
Two people meet unxepectedly one night, and find warmth where they never knew they would. They are only almost strangers, after all.
Date: 07/21/09 Title: Chapter 1: Almost Strangers
Wow! What a beautiful one-shot! An interesting idea and one that I think you've mastered wonderfully. James and Petunia, who would have thought it?
I'm sure many would see this as a completely improbable pairing but I think your characterisation of both Petunia and James makes it believable.
I love how you show Petunia's insecurity. When reading this you get the impression that she has been overshadowed by Lily all her life. Lily was popular, magical and got the perfect romance - everything Petunia wanted. Her belief in her own insignificance particularly comes across in this line:
Again, her face registered surprise, presumably at the fact that he remembered her name, but she quickly masked it.
It was excellent that even though you proved that Petunia was significant through James recognising her and kissing her she still has low self esteem at the end.
Each step she took was a reminder that the next time she saw him, he wouldn’t remember anything; he may not even recognise her at all.
Your characterisation of James, in my opinion, was also spot on. I liked your opening line:
James shuffled through the cool evening, hands stuffed in his pockets and head bent towards the ground.
as it is instantly at odds with the arrogant, happy go lucky James we're used to reading about. It shows a different side of him, and I think that's important. It shows that he and Lily hadtheir problems and are not perfect as Petunia believes.
The focus not only on James/Petunia but James/Lily is well done. There was a strong Lily/James dynamic even though Lily was not actually present. I think you wrote the memories of James and Lily very well. This part in particular made me smile:
I was so proud when she first said yes…I held her hand all the way back to school, and I could hear people whispering about us, but I didn’t care.
It's just so like James :D.
I like how you captured that James, like Harry, has a bit of a hero complex. He likes to be a knight in shining armour. This shows itself in James kissing Petunia because she is upset. She wants this whirlwind romance and for a split second he gives it to her. It's a nice touch to James' character - that he doesn't like to see people upset.
Your dialogue was great and it was good how you brought in James' drunken slur gradually:
“I’ll never forget it, y’know. ‘S times like this that make me realise how far we’ve come.”
Also you have a gift for description. This linen was really excellent:
Eventually, he pulled away, aware as he did so that his lips were stinging with this new secret.
There's one thing, however, that could be improved to the story's benefit. Sometimes the alternating POV between James and Petunia can be confusing. The two POVs are intertwined, and I got confused at times. Also at the very beginning I spotted this:
but seemed to decide
As you're in James' POV here it shouldn't be seemed, it should just be 'decided'. 'Seemed' indicates that you're in someone else's POV. In James' POV you would know that he had decided for definite.
I just feel that by clearly indicating a shift in POV from James to Petunia it would enhance the brilliance of this story.
However, that is just my opinion, and you can do with it what you wish. I really did enjoy this, it was creative and original. You even had me feeling sorry for Petunia, something I never thought would happen. Brilliant job, well done :).
~Whit
Black but Bright by luinrina
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Two brothers – seemingly alike, yet very different. At least that’s what all thought. But was it really that way?
Date: 03/29/08 Title: Chapter 1: Black but Bright
Oh, wow! That was amazing! I don't usually read the poetry here on the sight, but this immediately caught my eye - it mentioned the Black brothers what more could anyone want? lol. This was really sad actually, I started getting a bit tearful at the end, it really is a shame that two brothers who were on the same side without knowing it, died for the same cause :(. Absolutely brilliant! *applauds*
Author's Response: Thanks so much, I really appreciate your kind words. And thanks for the applause at the end. (I\'ve posted on fanfiction.net, too, if you\'re interested to read more of my writings.)
I am... by Maximum Potter
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: This is tribute to the four famous pranksters of Hogwarts. This is a one-shot that has their final moments in life. They all are different, yet all the same. They were united but still divided until they found each other once more in death. They were brothers, they were friends, they are the Marauders of Gryffindor. I present to you: Masters Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs in their final performance...
Date: 06/26/08 Title: Chapter 1: We solemnly swear that we were up to no good...
Wow! You very very nearly reduced me to tears there! I'm writing a Marauder Era fic myself and I'm so attached to the characters tnat I'm dreading writing the death scenes. So this was very poignant, it made me think of when I too as a fanfic writer am going to have to say goodbye to the characters.
This was wonderfully written, and a wonderful idea! Thank you so much for the read!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I came up with this idea like while I was at work and it just stuck until I finally typed it all out. I\'m so glad that this fic had such an affect though, thanks again for the review!
Für Das Größere Wohl by Tim the Enchanter
Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Summary: Dieter Heydrich is a model German boy. He has perfect Aryan complexion, is an exemplary member of the Hitler Youth, and is fanatically loyal to his beloved Führer.
But on his eleventh birthday, Dieter discovers a hidden magical world led by an extraordinary wizard named Gellert Grindelwald…
Nominated for QSQ 2009, Best History/Mystery.
WINNER of QSQ 2009, Best Male Original Character.
Note: As you might have guessed, Für Das Größere Wohl is German, meaning: “For the Greater Good.” Yes, this story is from the perspective of the bad guys.
Date: 04/15/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter I: Auf Wiedersehen, Herr Schwalbe
Tim, I am seriously in awe of this story! I spotted it a while ago, and thanks to the Easter Egg exchange I jumped at the chance to review it.
I'm currently studying Hitler's Germany for A Level history and so it's great to read this!
Adolf Hitler Platz was a spacious, airy town square, spaced with trees and benches and bordered by busy shops. At one corner was a house that looked no different from the adjacent homes and businesses: it was of the same, typically German medieval half-timber construction, and the national flag hung from a small horizontal pole near the door just like every other building in the town.
You set the scene beautifully and leave no doubt in the reader's mind as to what this story is going to be about. The historical accuracy here is magnificent, I didn't know anything about the Adolf Hitler Platz before now.
People saw his eccentric, outlandish clothes and reported him as a lunatic or a homosexual to the Gestapo
Brilliant again, such a typical reaction from German people at the time.
But every time the Geheime Staatspolizei paid a visit to the Schwalbe house, the agents resolutely confirmed (in odd, monotonous tones of voice) that there was nothing to worry about. Herr Schwalbe was sane, perfectly heterosexual (he had a wife and children, after all), and was a good National Socialist.
Am I sensing a little Memory Modifying going on here? lol
the Schwalbe family was perfectly normal
Something's telling me that it should be 'were' instead of 'was' here.
“Those Muggles, they have no imagination at all...”
Ha! This made me laugh.
Without bothering for the smoke to clear
Did you mean to put 'without botherin waiting for the smoke to clear'?
were all rudely awakened
Yes, how rude of Herr Schwalbe to let his house get burnt down :p.
Tim, I really did love this, and I will definitely be reading more, I'm so glad that I finally made it around to reading this. It's so interesting to read, especially seeing as I'm studying all about the era. you never know, you might just help me pass my exam :p.
Thanks for the great read!
~Whit>/br>
Author's Response:
Greetings, Whit! Thank you very much for reading and reviewing my story, and I wish you luck on any tests you happen to have on this subject. I’m glad my story has given you an insight into the period.
For a bit of historical trivia, practically EVERY town and city in the Third Reich had something named after Adolf Hitler. For my fictional town of Gemüsestadt, it is the town square that is named “Adolf Hitler Platz.” You’d also find many streets, avenues, bridges, and other public places named after him. And of course, every one of those places reverted back to their original names when the war ended…
However, I’ve heard this one story about a street in Munich. It was originally called “Count Adolf Street,” named after some medieval nobleman. Then after 1933, it was changed to “Adolf Hitler Street,” and it went back to “Count Adolf” after the war.
So the story/joke goes, after the war, a woman asks someone, “Excuse me, where can I Adolf Hitler Street?”
The man replies, “Sorry, but it’s called ‘Count Adolf Street’ now.”
And then the woman says, “Oh, it’s about time they gave him a title…”
~~~~~~~
Also, thanks for pointing out the grammar errors. And yes, those Gestapo agents were Obliviated, and it was very rude for Herr Schwalbe’s house to get burned down. What a bother! Anyway, thank you once more for enjoying this story and reviewing!
~ Tim the Enchanter
Elvendork by mrsmcclnt
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: “I know you love her.”
“I know, but…” James head leaned hard into his as he tried to explain. “That night when was I with her, as much as I planned it out to do it, it didn’t feel right. I knew I couldn’t go through with it unless….” he sighed. James looked back into Sirius eyes, knowing that Padfoot could finish his sentence.
For the longest time, Sirius Black was content with his friendship with James.
But soon he came to realize that there was something more he was feeling as he watched his friend fall in love with someone else.
Date: 04/15/09 Title: Chapter 1: The Shirts
WOW! I have to confess that whilst I was curious to read a slash fic (as I'd never read one before) I was a little apprehensive especially seeing as it involved my two all time favourite HP characters, but I decided to branch out, and I'm so glad that I did! This was incredible! I think I was smiling pretty much all the way through.
With a devilish wink to himself, he smiled at his reflection.
Haha! Such a Sirius thing to do, great characterisation.
James pushed his mate aside so that he could look at himself fully
Such posers lol.
“By journey, you mean enchanting his stick to see how far he would fetch? It’s been a month now, I don't think ole Butch is coming back.”
Hehe, great little additional detail, poor old Butch.
“And why are you thinking about kids names?”
There should be an apostrophe after the 's' on 'kids' so that it becomes 'kids's'.
“Oh, for Merlin’s sake,” Sirius grumbled. “Did you get her pregnant?”
I loved Sirius' bluntness here, his use of 'her' instead of calling Lily by name also adds emphasis to his dislike for her.
“Come off it, Prongs! Did you do the deed or not? Did you knock her up or what?” Sirius was very irritated as he pried him for an answer. He snatched off James’ tie to get him to focus on his words.
Very laddish speech from Sirius there, I liked it. Also I loved the gesture of Sirius whipping James' tie away, I could picture the scene vividly.
Ever since James and Lily had started dating, his time with his friend had dwindled to null. He was lucky to get this time with him and that was only because Lily had other plans.
Aww poor Sirius! I really felt for him here. Also, thank you, because with this bit you made me think about an aspect of Sirius' and James' relationship that I'd not given much thought to in the past. I'd never realised what James' relationship with Lily would do to his friendship with Sirius. So thank you for that, as that will now be another little dimension I can add to my own fic :).
asked he as he watched James through the mirror.
I think this would be a bit more clearer if you put 'asked Sirius' instead.
He could see James look more irritated at being reminded of this. "I'm not stupid, Sirius."
"Yet I'm not a virgin, James." Sirius couldn't help but to sound proud as he stated this.
Hehe! Great bit of banter.
There were so few things in his life that Sirius could say he got the one up on over James. James pretty much had everything Sirius ever wanted: good grades, good friends, a good-looking girl, and a great family life at home. James was almost better than he was in certain things.
Again another great bit of characterisation, and also something else I'd never given much thought to before.
From the shop's window, he could see James running down the block, catching up to Lily. The rudeness of being hastily dumped by his friend left Sirius face screwed up and flushed. “Bloody hell,” he muttered disbelievingly, as he watched them kiss in the middle of the street.
Hehe! Loved this bit. Sirius is not accustomed to being ditched is he? lol
“Yes, I would,” James said in a matter-of-fact tone. “Considering how ugly a woman you are, I would dump you like a cheap date and run off with some other buxom babe.”
This bit really made me giggle!
“Damn, he must have been really good to move so quickly!” James said in amazement.
I actually choked wth laughter at this point. Brilliant line!
Sirius signal James to move
Did you mean 'signalled'?
I had a big revelationary 'ahhh' moment when the bit after the bike chase arrived. It's great how you incorporated this one shot to surround the Prologue. Great idea!
“Look mate, I’m sorry about what happened back there-”
There should be a comma after 'look'.
At the mention of her name, Sirius to get off the bike
Did you want to say 'got off the bike' here?
Lily Evan’s
This should be 'Evans's'.
He felt himself tense at first but then began to loosen as he realized that those were lips that he was feeling…James’ lips.
Aww, this was actually really sweet and very well written. I was actually routing for the pairing at this point, and I never thought I'd say that lol, but I still ship Lily/James in my heart I'm afraid :p.
James moved to Sirius ear and whispered softly to him, “Even if I changed my name to Elvendork?”
Hehe!
Much more then you’re willing to say.”
It should be 'than' instead of 'then'
But now, he had no choice to give in
'he had no choice but to give in' would sound better :).
Seriously, really well done with this! You deserve so much more reviews. I suppose it's the slash aspect that puts people off, but really it's such a deserving story.
All the way through this I was wondering who your Sirius and James reminded me of. Now I've finally realised who it is. I don't know whether or not youre familiar with the English comedy duo Ant and Dec? Well, it reminds me of their relationship. And I'm a huge Ant and Dec fan so well done lol, extra bonus points for that!
I'm so glad that I reviewed this. It was brilliant. I'd really love it if you wrote some more Marauder centric stuff. You're really good at it!
Okay, I'm going to go now as this review is already uber long. lol
~Whit
Author's Response: MY GOODNESS!!!
Thank you for taking the time in reading this and leaving a this great review for me. I really do appreciate it.
And I do believe your right. I think some people do tend to shy away from reading Slash stories cause they're not comfortable in reading such things.
Lord knows, I have to admit that I've never been comfortable in writing such things. Maruader fics have never been my strong suite either. At least not at first. But sometimes, one has to realize, that love is just love. And once you start writing about it, then it gets easier over time.
Thanks again! You've totaly made my day.
Betrayal by harry4lif
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Sirius finds his friends, murdered. Knowing who is responsible, what will he do? Will he go after him and revenge their deaths? Or will he walk away?
This was originally written for the Summer 2008 MWPP class final. This is harry4lif from the forums.
Date: 04/18/09 Title: Chapter 1: Betrayal of the Worst Kind
Hey, Alyssa! I'm here as promised (though admittedly a little later than I intentioned, sorry!).
when he got into the neighborhood when they lived.
This should be 'where' instead of 'when' :).
Godrics Hollow
You missed out the apostrophe :).
Every time he would hear a rumor, he would make his bike go even faster.
Awww, poor Sirius! I liked this sentence I could just envisage how he must have been feeling at that moment.
Sirius swore right then and there that Peter Pettigrew would die.
Ooh the emotion here is palpable. I like how Sirius can turn from friendship to murder in that instant.
Peter had betrayed his James to Voldemort.
I don't know if you meant to say 'his friend James' here or simply 'James', but I do quite like the 'his James' bit lol, because it shows a strong relationship between James and Sirius :D.
The traitor would soon know what happened when he got on the wrong side of a Black, Sirius thought venomously.
Nice! Great how you showed Sirius going back to his roots. Sometimes it's easy to forget the horrible background Sirius came from, and his reaction here showed his Black ancestory. I liked it!
planning to come back later to say goodbye to his best friend and to the girl that would love James forever. Right now he wanted to deal with a traitor.
I think it's always hard to imagine how exactly Sirius would react to James and Lily's death, and I think it is believable that he wouldn't be able to grieve straight away due to shock. Also the way you've written it here makes it seems as if Sirius wants to have nothing else on his mind when he grieves, he wants to remember his best friend, and only do that. And he can't do that with Peter's betrayal on his mind. A really nice idea.
The last words he spoke to Harry were, “I will come back for you.”
And he did eventually :(.
He also knew that Sirius wasn’t going to do a whole lot of talking;
Nice phrase for showing Sirius' anger and determination.
“What is there to explain, Sirius old buddy?”
You know what, I really, really liked this turn of phrase! It both shows the close relationship they once shared but at the same time the use of 'old' signifies the break in their relationship. Yeah I love this :D.
he was choosing his life.
Again it's always hard to understand why Peter betrayed Lily and James, but you make the fight for his life seem like a very plausible idea.
Then Sirius started to laugh. He couldn’t control it; it was just coming out. After all, who would think that Peter was capable of betraying his friends and hoodwinking the best prankster in their group? During all of those Hogwarts years he has never managed to pull something over James or Sirius because they always caught it first, but now, after Hogwarts, he succeeds?
Yeah, I always found it hard to understand why exactly Sirius stood and laughed, but I liked your interpretation. I like the irony of it all too, well done.
“I’ve also told this to you before, but let me refresh your memory: I can’t tell you.” Sirius was lying so that he didn’t get into trouble because of the real way that Peter and the rest of the Marauders became unregistered Anamagi.
Hmm, I'm not too sure at this bit. I would have thought that if it was a choice between going to Azkaban for murdering his friend or for becoming an illegal Animagus then Sirius would have chosen the latter.
The Aurors came into the room and escorted Mr. Black to his new cell in Azkaban where he was to wait out his life.
I liked the use of 'Mr Black' here, it shows a stripping of identity. Sirius is no longer Sirius he is another empty being trapped inside Azkaban. Very powerful.
I really liked this, Alyssa! Very nicely written! Although it always makes me upset to read about James and Lily dying and Sirius going to Azkaban :'(. I can't believe I'm going to have to write this one day *sobs uncontrollably*. But not for a good while yet *yay* lol.
Really, a very enjoyable (well not really as it's so sad :p) read, and it was a pleasure to give you a review after all the hard work you do for me :D.
~Whit
The Dark Lord Acne Syndrome! by Vittoria
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Voldemort has a problem worse than Harry Potter. Acne! Severus Snape, Peter Pettigrew, and Harry Potter are involved in concocting the cure, but would it succeed?
Date: 04/18/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Hey, Vittoria! Long time no see :). Here's your review, sorry I took so long :).
Lord Voldemort, aka Tom Marvolo Riddle, aka You-Know-Who (definitely not U-No-Poo), aka various other names
Haha! So true! How many names does the guy want for Merlin's sake :p.
He was used to a single lighted candle, but two?
Hmmm, Snape has some weird requirements me thinks. Or was he perhaps trying to set a more romantic mood? :p.
The base consisted of Essence of Murtlap, crushed Belladonna seeds and syrup of Hellebore, a very effective and strong cure for all sorts of burns and scars. He had then added juice of crushed sophorous beans after which he had incorporated the precious gemstone Beryl.
Oooh! I loved the accuracy you presented here. It was very well done.
Not even that bratty Potter,/i>
Is Volders running out of scathing names to call Harry after all these years? :p
they come to here
You mean 'hear' not 'here' :).
“Don’t be silly, Severus, it’s a question of my beauty!”
Hehe! Of course the most important thing! Are we sure Volders and Lockhart aren't related?
“WHAT? Nooooooo…!”
Awww, poor Volders lol.
I don't tend to venture into humour, but this was a refreshing change. Great job!
~Whit
Author's Response: Thanks a lot Whit! I'm not sure about the Lockhart and Voldy connection but don't you think it will make an awesome plot-bunny? I'm glad you found the humour refreshing, it's not often that many people write it--I believe romance, D/A are the most popular categories. Thanks for reading and reviewing anyway! :)
The Perfect Christmas by Afifa
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary:
~Norman Wesley Brooks, "Let Every Day Be Christmas," 1976
A James/Lily one shot in which we meet a few children from a neighbouring orphanage, the Marauders, and, a special gift.
Written for the SPEW swap IV.
Date: 01/26/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1-- The Perfect Christmas
Hi there! I thought it was about time that I returned the favour :D!
I really enjoyed reading this! I don't actually read much fanfiction, but this made mewant to start doing so.
I have a few nitpicks for you, so I'll get them out of the way first, if that's okay:
He snuggled in it and shifted his hand’s position as to hug Lily
This sounds awkwardly worded to me. How about saying something like: 'He outstretched his hand in order to pull Lily closer to him.'?
and turned back to as James walked
Delete the 'to'.
‘Uh, hi, Lily,’ Sirius greeted her, mussing his hair.
Did you mean 'messing'?
‘I take I’m looking good?’
The word 'it' should be between 'take' and 'I'm'.
knocking of the door.
Did you mean 'on the door'?
‘Er, I exchanged about thousand Galleons
'a' thousand Galleons
she took James’ head in her arms
'Hands' would be better than 'arms' here.
Okay, that's all my nitpicks. Overall, though, I thought this was very well written, you captured the spirit of the Marauders beautifully.
His wife wasn’t there.
I loved the use of this simple sentence. It was a quick and effective way of letting the reader know where the story is set in the Marauder timeline.
So I invited them all over. They’ll be coming by six in the evening
Hehe, James' face must have been a picture :D!
‘Thanks for the offer, but I’d like to give the kids something edible,’ Lily said.
LOL! Loved this line!
He left the kitchen, leaving Lily wrestling with the turkey.
Hehe this made me laugh too, I got such a clear and funny mental image of it.
I loved the whole flour fight. I really liek it how you give Lily a sense of fun, it shows why a Marauder would have been attracted to her. Nice job!
Lily turned to Peter. ‘They’re telling the truth,’ he affirmed, nodding his head.
I love how Lily is still wary of the Marauders even though she's married to James. She knows the risks of a prank.
Children were so sweet… She folded her hands over her stomach
I thought this was a nice little touch. A lovely hint to Lily's pregnancy. A realistic motherly gesture too.
The chairs, the food, the plates were washed and stacked. Everything was normal.
Ah, how I wish I could do all that with just a swish of my wand. My bedroom would always be immaculate then :D.
‘I… you… you’re about to become a father, James,’ she finally revealed.
Aww! This bit gave me goosebumps! Bless them! I can't wait to write about this myself, and it was so lovely to read about :D.
Haha! Now I've finally got you back with a long review of my own mwahahaha! Only kidding, I love your long reviews! Now good luck with reading through all this :P. Seriously, thanks for the great read, I enjoyed it! xx
Author's Response: Wow. I have received a review from you! You! *is honoured*
*goes through list of errors* Thank you for pointing them out. I'll edit 'em in a bit.
Thankie for the wonderful comments. And, about the wand part, I wish that too... my room would be so clean then. Lol.
Ah... you have to content your self with the *tongue hockey* bit at the moment. *lmao* I can't wait though... till their marriage. =D
Woot! Thank you! =D And I had no problem reading a long review. At all. ;]
Fallen Lord by TheBlackSister
Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Summary: An old defeated man awaits his end. It comes with consequences.
Date: 04/17/09 Title: Chapter 1: Fallen Lord
Greetings fellow Badger! How have you not had any reviews for this :o! I hate seeing people without reviews, especially when it's a story as good as this!
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
A brilliant way to start off the story, it really sets up the atmosphere. Although, I think by putting it in italics it could make it seem so much poignant, the idea of the sound echoing around the room.
He knew exactly where it came from; the little crevice in the corner, right beneath a stone basin for preserving the rain water on the roof. There had to be a tiny hole somewhere.
I really liked this part as it really showed the extent of his boredom.
Whatever happened, you were a part of, and you must face the consequences!”
Was that meant to be 'you were a part of it'?
Odd, wasn’t it, how a top-security prisoner received coffee with his breakfast.
Hmm, intriguing! I'm guessing that this isn't your run of the mill Azkaban prisoner then?
You keep forgetting; there isn’t a Kaiser or Kaiserin any longer.”
Ahah! Now I have a good idea who the character is, thanks to my History student knowledge lol. Although, I suppose the title does hint at it being Grindelwald. I like how you've not directly specified who the prisoner is. It adds a lot of intrigue.
She was the only exception in his quest for purity, she was his little secret. No one knew of his feelings for her, at least that he knew of. She, or rather her Muggle blood, was the one flaw in his plan.
I liked how this showed the hypocrisy of Grindelwald's convictions. He preaches one thing and yet does another... interesting idea.
“I will not come quietly, Albus. You know me better than that.”
Gellert whipped his wand out…
All else was a dull glow of spells being fired.
I really liked how you wrote this. It showed the power of their beliefs and that their views of what was right overpowered their friendship.
Now he, Gellert Grindelwald
This was good as you finaly left no doubt in the readers' mind as to who the prisoner is.
as though trying to determine what could possibly be great about this pile of filth.
In a way I felt as if this signified the advance of magic. Voldemort would view Grindelwald as insignificant because Voldemort has a lot more magical techniques at his disposal and can therefore have the appearance of being more powerful.
but then, his fame could penetrate even these thick walls.
Haha! Loving Voldemort's arrogance here :).
“And yet he escaped from you, while still a babe!”
Go, Gellert!
“I would beware, if I were you?”
Does this really require a question mark at the end?
“Forgive me, Albus,” Gellert whispered, as a thin green ray flew at his chest.
Aww, so touching that Grindelwald took the chance to repent at the end, and that his finally thoughts were of Albus.
I really liked the dynamic you created by showing Voldemort and Grindelwald together. It was sort of like a passing of the baton moment. With Voldemort taking over from Grindelwald. And through seeing Voldemort, Grindelwald is able to fully realise his own mistakes. Very powerful, well done!
You've made me feel bad though, because I've suddenly realised how little of DH I remember :o! I think I may have to read it again now... what a shame lol.
But seriously, this was wonderful! And you really do deserve waaaaaay more reviews.
~Whit
Author's Response: Thank you! Reviews like this make me want to write more.
He's Left You... by Sainyn Swiftfoot
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary:
He’s left you, and now you have nowhere to go…
A woman thinks back about her mother and father.
Date: 04/13/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Hey, BB! Great poem! I really enjoyed it!
I love the originality of ow you have a love story told through the eyes of someone who is not the lovers themselves.
It's great how you don't reveal who this couple is until the final stanza, I must admit I had no idea it was Rowena and Salazar! I saw the green eyes part and immediately jumped to Harry :p.
He’s left you, he’s left you, he’s left you…
He’s left you, and now you have nowhere to go…
Oooh, this is so eerie! In my mind it cunjured up an image of voices whispering and taunting Rowena and that it was them that drove her to take her life. Is this what you intended? Even if it wasn't, it's still a fantastic image.
Yes, a great poem, I enjoyd reading it! I hope you liked your easter egg, BB!
~Whit (who's thinking of taking over from the Easter Bunny :D)
Author's Response: Yeah, most people write stories from the point of view of either of the lovers or both, I suppose this is rather different. I like twists in fics, so naturally, when I could add a twist here, I did so.
Of course, that's completely what I intended! Well, maybe not, but I'm glad you liked it anyway.. Thanks for the review!