Hey, Narwen! I decided to come by and check out your story. Wow, you have a TON of reviews...I wished Draco/Ginny stories got this much attention. :( Anyways, I promise to come back and read the rest! :)

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for coming! I understand how difficult it can be to get reviews. I have a one-shot in the humor section that doesn't get as much attention as this one. Please, come back and review more! I'll do the same for you!

You ended this chapter quite spectacularly, explaining Severus' particularly sharp temper and also enthralling the reader and forcing them to read the next chapter in the same blow. Two birds with one stone, eh? ;)

Anyway, I rather thought this chapter was interesting. Your inclusion of the minor characters of Hannah and Anthony was lovely. It indirectly characterized Snape and provided some spice to the story.

I did feel as though your Pince was mischaracterized; I see her as a person who only feels at home in the library. Yes, she hates noise and interference, but I don't think she'd resent having to keep the library open on the weekend for a quiet student who didn't disrespect her books.

In regards to Hermione herself, overall I bought your characterization of her. I think the part about Animagi was rather poorly explained; I would have appreciated understanding her motivation for trying to be an Animagi. Was she trying to get McGonagall to tutor her in preparation for the NEWTs--what was her motivation there? Hermione does not seem the type to do things without a purpose; even in her learning, she is very specific (she avoids Divination, for example).

Your description is beautiful. Particularly drawing is your three line depiction of Lily at the end of the chapter. I can't wait to see more of this Lily; I imagine she's quite different from the real character because she's only a portrait--but this is still highly intriguing.

Nice job opening up your story in this chapter! Keep up the hard work--your use of a portrait is pretty unique as a plot device and that makes your story a must-read. :)

Ack. I just read the whole story in one sitting. And I have two final exams tomorrow. *headdesk* You're good, incredibly good, to make a nerd like me forego my grades for a story. *pokes* Get to that wedding night soon, my dear!

*evil smirk*

Author's Response: As a fellow nerd, I truly take that as an amazing compliment :-)

Thank you so much for reading - I always get excited to know that new people are finding my story, and instead of being daunted by the length, and the fact that it\'s now at chapter twelve, dive right in instead.

*hugs*

I love the last line. I really do. Redemption (even a bit) is lovely. I'm STILL not sure if he deserves it, however.

I really like your characterization of Clearwater - I'm really starting to like her. She's very Hufflepuff - practical, trusting, kind.

I can't wait to see why Sarah dislikes the Ministry. I hate how Theodore can lie, even to her. But he's protecting her innocence in a way as well...

The jury's out on Nott. He may be saved yet. But I'm in love with Clearwater and Sarah - they could be my favorite characters in this thing. :)

Kumy

Author's Response: I\'m very interested in the way you see Nott - he\'s a character that speaks through me, rather than being written. I\'m really only telling this story, not making it up. But Nott is... well, I think he\'s a good person. I love him.

Wow. This chapter was powerful. A few of the mysteries were cleared up. I would like to see the time when his uncontrollable magic begins (before his Mum died).

I'm a bit shocked that he's as concerned with the smell as he is. He's so torn up inside with pain, that I'm surprised he cares.

However, the numbers like 27 bowls, 9 days - that creates a character habit that I hope you'll hold on to. It's also something we tend to do in times of pain. Reduce our focus to small things. :)

My ceiling. Here you pull back a theme from the first chapter, and show something new. This, believe it or not, struck me as one of the most powerful lines in this chapter. Strange how small things make a huge difference in mood and tone.

To end: I liked the "She works for them" section. This casts a lot of light on why Nott is so cynical and untrusting.

Great work, Mask. This was better than the first, and the first chapter was already very good. :)

Kumy

Author's Response: Thank you! I can\'t remember exactly where the jump starts, but I wrote the first chapter before HBP, took the summer off, and came back to write the rest. I hope the quality continues to improve. The smell bothers him because it\'s something to focus on that can be improved.

You do realize you have a few days more before DH? *pokes to do another chapter* And this thoroughly fixed Nott for me, by the way. The making birds scene, the new understanding between him and Clearwater -- both of those moments just made him shine in my eyes.

I've come to realize - with your help, of course - that Nott cares about a few people but entirely and totally. Sarah is one, I think. I'm still hoping for that romance if he lefts ou write it! :)

I suppose he had to get happier at some point, but I am missing the self-hating, acerbic boy from Chapter 1 a bit. I hope you bring the darkness back into the story -- we see it a bit when he's bitter (I'm allowed out now) and again with the the tears (someday, they'll stop)...but I want to see the grief resolved and the only way to do that is to bring the darkness back for a while. Perhaps Sarah can help him?

So guh, this chapter was awesome. I love Nott. I love you. Darling Mask, you are the writer I dream to be and the beta I could never do without.

This was hilarious. Your characterization of Tonks was really nice. I liked the streaks of humor and insecurity throughout the piece. Your OC is well developed. Overall, I like your accurate portrayal of Tonks. You included everything - her Metamorphagus talents, her insecurity, her clumsiness, her brightness of character. :)

Great job!

Kumy

Author's Response: Thank you!

I'm not sure if the Cheering Charm would be strong enough to make him want to wear a leotard in Gryffindor colors. How about a charm that's like a weakened Imperius - so that he'll be more likely to do it once Hermione tells him to (not total control like the Imperius, the subject still has some free will).

Any OOC Snape issues were due to the effects of the potion, so that wasn't a big deal. What I thought was more of an issue was that Hermione wouldn't do pranks on Professors ever! She's just not that type of girl.

I could see Ginny doing it, or even Ron or Harry, but not Hermione. Still,t his was really really funny! :)

Good job!

Kumy

This is interesting. I like the way you incorporated the Imperius into the way Romilda was acting in the sixth book. You're very accurate within canon.

I have a few bones to pick, however. The first: I would have liked to see more of a narration about how Romilda gave into the curse. Remember in the fifth book when JKR described Harry fighting the curse? I imagine, Romilda, a strong-willed girl, would do the same thing. :)

I also have strong feelings about Romilda casting the Imperius while under the Imperius herself. The will to conduct any Unforgivable has to come from within. Romilda, if being forced to do it, wouldn't have that will, so I don't think she'd be able to Imperius Ginny.

Finally, I can't see Ginny submitting to stabbing the boy she loves. I'd expect to see her hesitate, or fight or do something.

To finish, I don't see how the Imperius could stop working because of a head injury. I mean, people were supposedly under the Imperius for YEARS at a time during the First War, and I'm assuming that at least one or two of them got a head injury during that period. So...I don't think a head injury would make Romilda break free of the curse.

I liked your characterization of Romilda. It really was this chapter's crowning moment. A few technicalities in regards to the use of Imperius - which is all very shady to begin with - but overall, very nice piece!

I enjoyed it! The last line was particularly haunting. It made me think of the Imperius victims from the first war that must have lost years of memories to a single voice in their head. *shudders*

Kumy

This was hauntingly beautiful. I love Bella stories. Your language use is beautiful...except for one instance.

It is beyond ecstasy, and as he begins to fight back I feel the tension growing, my lust and his hate merging into one and hitting us both with the force of a train.

The train reference is a Muggle reference that to me is not appropriate when Bella is such a fervent pureblood maniac. It also jars the flowy poetry of the sentence. I would use some other more Bella-like simile there.

I don't know if schizophrenia (suspicion of others, paranoia are among the symptoms) is what results from the use of Cruciatus, though. In canon, Neville's parents were Crucio'd and they remained feeble and mute - memory loss as well.

So though the idea of a broken mind and the addiction to the power is great, schizoprenia is not the resulting disease in canon.

However, that makes me question whether you're really talking about the victims...are you talking about Bella herself? I think you are - and that makes this piece even more beautiful in its complexity.

I would add a line at the end to clarify, though. For example:

His body is not dead, but his mind is on the wrong side of reality. Schizophrenia the muggles call it. Filthy mudbloods wouldn't recognize the delicacy of the broken mind.

I revel in its power.

That makes it clear that Bella is the one inflicted with schizophrenia and also shows her contempt for muggles.

It also takes care of the confusion I got when I read that she knew what Muggles called the disease? Why would she care? Only if she could show contempt for it, would she remember something about Muggles. The lines I added to the ending make that aberration (Bella knowing Muggle things) make sense too.



Author's Response: Trains are used in the wizarding world too...Hogwarts express! ^_^ *justifies self* Now the schizophrenia thing...well, there are multiple levels to the fic. You happen to have stumbled on one. But I don\'t want to make anything obvious: Thus the lack of clarification. ^^ She cares that muggles call the disease something because, even though she is a pureblood witch, it seems to mean something more to her that the muggles have given a name to what the curse can induce (schizophrenia in it\'s later stages has a similar effect...I suppose I warped the book description a tinsy tiny bit...>.>) Thanks for the review, and I\'m glad you liked it.