05/02/07
I'm 16, and from America (unfortunately). I love math and German and writing.
Favorite HP characters: Sirius, Draco, Oliver Wood, Fred and George, Ginny, Bellatrix, Tonks, Remus, Moody
Favorite Ships:
Ron/Hermione (they're so perfect for each other, even if I can't write them *tear*), Draco/Ginny (My absolute favorite ship!! Read A Tale of Two Matchmakers if you haven't. Honestly, you need to. Go. Now.), Remus/Tonks, Sirius/Lily, and Sirius/Ginny (Honestly! If it weren't for the creepy age difference thing, they'd be perfect for each other!)
And pretty much anything else well written... except slash.
Favorite Non-HP books: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Gone With the Wind, Watership Down, and Dune
Favorite TV shows: Gilmore Girls, and a whole bunch of really old shows no one's ever heard of
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My friends and I wrote a really hilarious humor fic that everyone should read! But, the thing is, MNFF won't accept it because it's too ooc. But if you ever want to read a really good humor fic, I know you'll love it. It's called "No One in Their Right Mind..." Here's the link: http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?psid=221997
Oh, and here's the summary:
After the semi-final battle, Voldemort makes a life-changing decision.
“I’m tired of trying to take over the goofy Brits,” Voldemort said. “Let’s go to Canadia. And once we get there I can take over America – I’ve been wanting it since I was a small and underappreciated child of amazing talent anyway.”
As might be expected, hilarity ensues.
And I accept anonymous reviews, so if you like it, you can tell me!!
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Absolutely perfect banners by Alyssa/Pixichik118!!
This perfect banner is by Social Loner!
Lovely banner by Tash/Pondering!
My two chaptered fics are going to have to be put on temporary hiatus for the next month or so due to the guantlet, classes on the forums, and RL. Don't worry, I'll update ASAP!
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Slaughter-Dew by Wings of the Morning
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: The first time it happens, he is fourteen. Sitting at the Gryffindor table, Peter thinks of murder. (What's wrong with him?)
[Peter Pettigrew, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and the logic of fives. Dark, some disturbing imagery. One shot.]
Date: 07/12/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I think this is a great character study of Wormtail. Most people hate him — and I can't say I'm any different — but this fic makes him seem… Well, it makes the reader understand, and that's a wonderful thing to do in a fic.
I like that you show how his obsession with the number five began.
Also, it made me worry right at the beginning. In my mind I was screaming: "But there are only four Marauders!" Of course, this is canon so the reader knows what Wormtail eventually does, but it's such a great way to pull the reader in.
I also really love the brief interludes in parentheses. I think that, without them, it wouldn't seem as powerful.
(He doesn't think anyone else sees the pictures he does. What's wrong with him?)
It's quite a feat to make the reader sympathise with Wormtail, but you've done it and done it well. I mean, he even does extra homework, he thinks killing is the answer to making everything in wonderful multiples of five.
(And he can take their mark on his arm and walk out the door - five steps from the foyer of Lucius Malfoy's house to the door - and he can commit their murders, he thinks, if he tries. And the Dark Lord understands the safety of five, and gives him a family to kill, a family of a mother and a father and her two sons. It's okay, he says, because they weren't safe anyway. It's okay, he says, and vomits all over himself the moment Sirius opens the door.)
It's just… so powerful. He told Voldemort about his obsession with fives, and that's how Voldemort gets him to kill sometimes? I mean, God, that is so ingenious — of both you and Voldemort.
I feel like I should have some concrit or something, but I honestly can't because this was… perfect. If Wormtail had been this way in the books, I think I would have loved him because he was crazy. This fic was such a wonderful idea… Thanks for writing it! :]
~Alison
Couldn't Be Happier by Hermione_Rocks
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Lucius does not understand what there is to like about snow: it’s cold, it’s wet, and it sticks to everything. Perhaps his mind will be changed once this afternoon is finished . . .
Date: 03/23/08 Title: Chapter 1: Couldn't Be Happier
The greatest thing about this fic was Lucius's characterisation. You have the perfect mix of outward coldness and internal affection. In my mind, that IS Lucius. Andromeda, of course, is nearly an OC because of how little we know of her, but I really like how you portray her. Sort of an opposite of Lucius, but someone who can help him get over himself—which he totally needs, of couse. >.< I've already read the sequel and thought it was amazing; I really love how you handled this rare-pair. I would have loved to see this a little longer with a bit more about the couple, but of course a lot more depth comes with the sequel. All in all, I love it and thanks so much for writing it! And I'm terribly sorry for the lamely squee-ish review! xD
~Alison
Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much, Alison! I\'m glad you enjoyed this fic that much. And yes, I have many more stories posted about these two, so I never want to repeat myself too much in any of them. ;)
Colours Of Life by xombie
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Each moment is a decision, defined by the circumstances. Who knows? Had it not been for an overprotective cousin, perhaps Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy could have been the best of friends. Perhaps in one point in time and space, they are. As it happens, their relationship was defined by one catalytic factor, James Potter, and now,they are sworn enemies.
This story is a chronicle of their first year at Hogwarts, and their last. It is a tale of happenstance and familial influence, of an enmity that was not theirs to decide. Read and find out how such an enmity can influence the lives of two innocent children and wreck them. Will the injury last forever?
Due to my heavy work-schedule, this fic will be on hold till early June. My apologies to all.
Date: 12/24/07 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
Great beginning! I love the POV changes—I think it really adds to the story.
All in all, I can't wait to read more! I've never been much for next-gen fics, but this one seems promising!
~Alison
Author's Response: Awww.. thanks Ally! YAY! Yet another DD here! (LEL). *hugs*
Hogwarts Houses Divided by Inverarity
Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Summary:
Teddy Lupin's first year at Hogwarts. Canon-compliant. Nominated for a 2008 QSQ for best Post-Hogwarts story.
The war is over, and all is well, they say, but the wounds remain unhealed. Bitterness divides the Houses of Hogwarts. Can the first children born since the war's end begin a new era, or will the enmities of their parents be their permanent legacy?
Date: 09/14/08 Title: Chapter 3: The Sorting
One word to describe this chapter: AMAZING.
I won't go into detail about the last chapter, because I think it would have merely been a long-winded description of how refreshing I find your characters. Suffice it to say that I have no complaints about anything, and I found the pact a lovely concept. :]
Now onto this chapter, which I have to admit was one of the most entertaining I've ever read.
Kai grinned. “Did you know during the last Triwizard Tournament, almost fifteen years ago, I guess, part of it was down there? I know, 'cause my sister was tied to a rock underwater, with a spell cast on her so she wouldn't drown, and the champion had to.... had to...” His voice trailed off as he looked at Dewey.
“Oh,” he said.
He'd never felt more stupid
I just feel so bad for the two of them, and yet I think they have such a great potential as best friends. I think every one of your four main characters has such a great basis with the War, and what it means to move past it.
Teddy glanced sideways, at Violet, who was behaving as if she hadn't heard.
“Why don't you stow it?” he snapped over his shoulder. “You could wind up in Slytherin, for all you know!”
The boy he was addressing stared at him, then sneered. “I'd rather drink poison!”
I really, really like how you show that these children are still very biased against Slytherin. Of course this is going to become crucial to the plot, most likely, right? The biases of the Houses? Anyway, I really think this was a great way to show it — through such young children, who honestly shouldn't feel this way. I think it's excellent that this fic is going to be about prejudice at least in part; it makes me eager to see what happens later. Because personally Slytherin has always been my favourite house. :]
But of course I thought the best part of the chapter was the Sorting. I was very proud of myself because I knew what was happening the moment the Sorting Hat refused to speak, which is weird because it wasn't the least bit obvious… it was actually incredibly original.
…make peace else
you'll hear no more from me!
That's right! No more will I sort you;
this time will be the last!
You may have thought I've got no choice
but you thought wrong, alas!
And just to make my point,
here's the most pointed part of my song...
Some of you, I just sent
somewhere you don't belong!”
*dies* Can I applaud for you? Loudly? Because, honestly, I love this. It's just so — PERFECT. It's so bold of you to do, and it makes it seem like a lot's riding on these four kids, doesn't it? They have to solve everything.
Which makes me wonder what would happen without the Sorting Hat to Sort everyone. Hm, this is turning out to be quite mysterious…
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your comments! I'm glad that you are enjoying the story so much. I don't normally reply to every review, but you wrote such lovely, lengthy ones, I felt obliged to express my appreciation. (Don't worry, I won't expect one like that for every chapter... unless you really want to. ;) )
Date: 09/14/08 Title: Chapter 1: Platform Nine and Three-Quarters
Honestly, as a general rule I cannot tolerate next-gen fics, but I believe yours may have proven me wrong.
Your description is strong without ever becoming long-winded or boring. It only furthers the story in an interesting manner, something I have a tendency to find difficult. I think this first chapter is especially good in that respect.
I like that you start off with the familiar character of Teddy Lupin. At first it made me think that this was just going to be another generic next-gen fic, but let me just say again how wrong I was.
One thing I found especially interesting was how you gave Cho and Cedric younger brothers. It seems a bit unusual and maybe even a touch unbelievable (especially since I was always under the impression that Cedric's parents were older), but honestly I've come to like it. It definitely adds a layer of interest.
Your characterisation is perfect, even in this first chapter. I love that every character has something that's pushing them to be in one House over the others, even though each of them don't truly think they belong there. I've already read up to chapter three, but at the time I was reading this it definitely made me wonder what was going to happen.
This line, I loved:
“Even as true as him?” Dewey wondered, but he didn't say that aloud.
I think of all of the characters Violet is my favourite. There's something about her that's so mysterious and elusive, and yet totally interesting. Of all the characters, I think she has the most interesting back-story. So she's the illegitimate child of Pansy and Draco, conceived during their seventh year? Interesting — very interesting.
I just… really love the way each character respects their parents but still has their own personality. This, to me, is the thing I look for most in next-gen fics, because most of them make it seem like each of the children is just a mini-version of their parents, which to me is completely ridiculous, because no one is exactly like their parents.
Sorry for the mini-rant. >.> Just trust me when I say that to have me tell you that I love your next-gen fic is pretty much the highest compliment a fic can get. :]
Hm, one last thing before I leave: I love how bold you're being. You're doing things that haven't been done before, without going outside the range of possibility. I really respect that, and I truly believe that you have the makings of a top-rate fic here. I honestly (and can I again just marvel at hearing myself say this about a next-gen fic?) cannot wait to read the rest. :]
~Alison
Wishes by the Fireside by dancingwithneville
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Christmas is supposed to be filled with friends and family. Although when Ginny finds out she may be spending it alone all she can hope is that her wish might be granted by the fireside.
Ginny/Neville
Submitted by dancingwithneville a proud Ravenclaw for the Winter's Challenge, By the Fireside prompt.
Date: 07/12/08 Title: Chapter 1: Wishes by the Fireside
I've never been a big fan of Neville/Ginny… I thought it was cute in its way, but D/G is my OTP, so I feel bad betraying it. Regardless, I really enjoyed your fic.
I like the way you set up your story; the scene is set nicely and you show just enough of Ginny's desperation for having her husband home for their first Christmas (what woman wouldn't want her husband there, after all?) to make his home-coming a happy occasion for the reader.
I thought you characterisation of Neville was really great. I can just see him about to refuse such a great opportunity to stay home with his wife — it's exactly the kind of guy he is.
I'm not quite as sure about Ginny. I'm not saying she was done badly — I think you did pretty well with her — but I think she could have come off more… Ginny-ish. Ginny's very strong-willed and sometimes even a bit bratty. I think this really comes through with her insistence that he was going to send a letter and the fact that she wants to keep the window open and when she makes Neville go on the trip. I think it was mostly when she's talking about the Yule Ball. "As a matter of fact, I would have gone home and sulked about it for all of Christmas break.” This, to me, doesn't really sound like Ginny. I can't see her sulking because of a guy or because she couldn't go to a dance. To me, she seemed very independent, especially in comparison to other females in the books: Hermione needs Ron, Molly needs Arthur, Tonks needs Remus, etc., but Ginny doesn't really seem to NEED a guy. She spent the entirety of DH without Harry, and from what we know she didn't sit at Hogwarts pining about it, but went out and tried to make a difference even at Hogwarts. She didn't sulk then, so it seems a bit off here. But, of course, your characterisation is overall very good — especially Neville. :]
Now for just a couple of nit-picks:
“I thought you weren’t going to be home until around New Years Eve.”
There should be an apostrophe in New Year's Eve.
“Good," Ginny said, snuggling close. I’m glad you’re home.”
There should be quotes to make it: "I'm glad you're home."
Well, if all you want is a letter then I’ll just…”
You should have beginning quotes on this sentence as well.
I feel so picky, but it's these kind of things that make the entire story flow better; I'm such a punctuation Nazi that when I see something like this my mind just stops and goes blank for a moment! (But I'm sort of crazy :] )
Moving on from little typos, I'd have to say my favourite line is:
He proved his friendship in countless ways, but didn’t treat her like she was made of glass.
I just think this is not only the perfect line to sum up her relationship with Neville, but a great way to say why she's better with Neville than Harry (which I don't know if you fully agree with, but I have to admit I do.). Harry did treat her like she was made of glass. He didn't even tell her about the Horcruxes in HBP and in DH he refused to let her help even a little bit — and not only that, but he still wouldn't tell her about it, like she would shatter and break if she knew the secrets or something. Neville, I think, like you say here, knew that she was strong and capable and wouldn't hold her back. In DH he stole the sword with her and probably did some other things with her (I can't really remember because I tend to block the book from my mind ;] )
I think this was a really fun read, and it gives me a deep desire for it to be Christmas again! :] Only five more months, right…?
~Alison
Author's Response: Hi Alison! Thanks for your review. I have to say I may never write Neville again because his characterization was so hard! I had a great Beta reader, C_A_Campbell who knows the character of Neville so well and helped me throughout the story. I remember revising this story almost five times before it was what it is now.
I will go back and edit the things you pointed out.
Thanks again!
Hero by thechocolatefrog
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: The war has been over for five years, but the world is still treating Harry like he defeated Voldemort yesterday. Why doesn't anyone realize that he is a hero for other reasons?
Date: 07/11/08 Title: Chapter 1: Hero
Jeez, I'm finally getting around to reviewing this fic, Hannah! :]
I like the fact that the War is still a big deal in this fic. In so many post-Hogwarts/next-gen fics, the writers seem to brush away the War, which just seems stupid, because there's no way they all wouldn't still be affected by it even decades later. In your fic, it seems very realistic how the characters are still coping.
You and I have discussed Harry's character many, many times, and I think by now you're well aware of what I think of him… But regardless, I still think you characterised him very well.
“I don’t know why I still have to be the hero.”
It does seem like Harry to not want to be the hero, since I don't think he ever really did. I always felt when I read the books that he was just doing everything because he had too — but he would have much preferred to just… sit on the sidelines, let someone else be the hero. I like how that comes through.
It's your nameless OC who I was never entirely sure of. I know she could be a great character, but she just doesn't seem very developed, almost to the extent of coming off perfect. All she really does in this fic is cook, listen, and kiss Harry — I get that she's being a very supportive and loving wife, but I wish we could have seen more development. I feel like you're telling us that she is the girl for Harry, not why — which almost would have been more interesting. She doesn't have a name or a backstory or… anything, really. More development could have improved this fic so much. :]
You last line (or paragraph) was absolutely perfect. All in all this was a great snapshot of how Harry could be coping after the war.
~Alison
Silent Lucidity by PsychoBabel
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: Five years ago, a certain Death Eater went to his fate in silence, deemed to be insane by his demeanor. Now, through his own detached nature, he has done the impossible: escaping from Azkaban right under the nose of the Ministry. Dragging him back, and getting the truth out of him, is going to take a few Aurors, the help of an old enemy, one very strange Muggle, and...Luna Lovegood?
Rodolphus Lestrange is free, and he must be captured, if it's the last thing they do.
Date: 07/12/08 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
Rodolphus is pretty much the love of my life, so I was really glad to see such an excellent fic about him like this one you have here.
First off, I love the way you start this — I think it really pulls the reader in, especially when you use the phrase: It's like looking at a walking Dementor.
Your descriptions are wonderful; you seem to choose each word careful, and doing so give it perfection. Your frequent references to death also add a layer to your writing.
I like the way you slip from memories to what's currently happening. I think it gives a lot of depth and interest to what could have been less so.
"I'm sorry, sir, that's just what they told me...he read as soulless to them. No emotions, no feelings, no consciousness. He's hollow, and you can't lie to the Dementors - can you, Minister?"
It's just… so cool! It's such a great idea. I mean, he never did get the Kiss, but he's showing up that way? It's just ingenious!
Rodolphus Lestrange, as you said in your author's note, didn't have a personality in the books. We only know two things about him: he's a Death Eater, and he's married to Bellatrix. Other than that, fanfic writers have free reign. In one of my own fics I was half-tempted to change even those facts, but then eventually decided not to… Anyway, for that reason, I'm excited to see where you take this — you could do anything with him!
I really, really want to know what happens next. You have a prologue that will really hook the readers, here.
~Alison
A New Beginning by harry4lif
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Its the day of Lily's wedding, and she hopes that she will finally get to talk to her sister. Things happen, and tears are spilled. Will Lily tell her husband the truth?
Date: 07/26/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Ah, Alyssa, here I am.
I really like how you characterise Lily here. She's the typical nervous bride, and I like that she is very in love with James. I think that you wrote Lily and James very well, but there are a couple other things.
First, little nit-picks:
She had been up since five o’clock, pacing up and down her room at her parents house.
There were smiles etched in peoples faces
Both of these sentences are missing apostrophes. It should be parents' people's.
Though she was mad at James.
This was sort of a random fragment that could have been combined with the sentence before or after.
Some people had tried woo James, but he only had eyes for one girl; Lily.
The semi-colon would work much better as a colon. But other than that, I really love this sentence. It sort of avoids Marauder Era clichés by making other people like James.
I also really like how you pointed out how few people were invited because of the war; I think that's necessary in a wedding of Lily and James. I also think it was perfect that Sirius was planning a prank — that's just so wonderfully IC.
But I really did want to know what the secret was. Normally I love ambiguity in fanfiction, but in this type of fic it seemed really incongruous. For the most part it was a normal wedding fic, so it seems like there should have at least been a hint of what the secret was. I kept expecting you to, but you never did.
I also thought it would go one longer; it seemed a bit rushed. I think it would have been nice to actually see the argument and the prank and some of the reception. The argument would have been a wonderful vehicle to show the relationship between Lily and Petunia, and then I wouldn't feel so confused right now…
I'm definitely not saying I don't like this fic, because I truly did. You characterisations were spot-on and it was interesting and entertaining. Your James is endearing and wonderful. Nice job, Alyssa!
~Alison
Author's Response: I read the whole thing. Wow. So in responce to your long review I will try to give you a long response. I am glad to hear that I have a good grip on their characterization. I was really nervous when I first planned this. They always seemed weird, but my betas fixed that up for me. I will fix the nitpicks when I go back and change the other ones that I got to. When I was writing this Sirius kept popping in my head, I knew I had to mention that. If your lucky you might even get to find out what it was in the sequel. I didn't want to spoil the secret, so I kept it mum. It was hard though, I really wanted to spill it out and tell the whole world! Well I originally had Petunia say some nasty things to Lily but I changed it after my beta pointed something out. Petunia didn't really speak to her sister after she became a witch, so why would she do so at the wedding? It made no sense so I just changed it. I'll let you know when the sequels out so that you can read that! *Looks at response* See, nice and long! ~Alyssa
Left Behind by helz_belz, luinrina
Rated: Professors •Summary: ‘Do not pity the dead, pity the living, for it is they who must survive.’
~Triage by Scott Anderson
Is it lucky to survive in war, or is it better luck to die than to be left behind to pick up the pieces?
In the 1940’s, not one, but two wars reigned in Europe, taking lives and hopes on a daily basis. People lost everything they held dear. And yet they survived. But does it matter to be alive when everything else you know lies in ruins?
Anna Krum survived and lived to see her family grow, although the one person she loved the most had died: her husband. Now, nearly 40 years later, she tells her grandchild what once was…
… and how much she had lost.
Please note that some scenes contain detailed descriptions of traumatic post-war experience, with mentioning of blood. If you can’t stand reading about such moments, please do not read this story. You have been warned…
We are Merlin_Helz of Ravenclaw and luinrina of Hufflepuff.
Left Behind placed first in the August One-Shot Challenge, held on the Beta Boards' Great Hall.
Date: 08/29/08 Title: Chapter 1: Left Behind
Bine and Helen (that is your name, right? If it isn't, I'm terribly sorry!):
First off, I LOVED the beginning. It's the kind that pulls the reader right in. Then the italisised part brings everything back into a harsh reality but describing a battle field of sorts.
Over the city, the sky gradually coloured into violet-red, announcing the nearing night. The first stars were already out, twinkling bright and icily down at the lost souls that wandered the shattered shells of what they once called their lives.
War was never kind to anyone.
The description in this section and the whole fic was haunting and horrifying. It was excellent on so many levels. You two (I have no idea who wrote what, after all) obviously have a perfect grasp on where to draw the line on the disturbing images, but left the right amount in to give the reader a clear image of the terror of WWII. Excellent job in that respect.
I love that you included Viktor. It really made what could have been a vague story into a truly awesome one.
I mostly liked your character of Anna. Overall I thought she seemed very real, and she was incredibly likeable. I wasn't too fond of this part:
‘And I am not?’ she asked, her voice becoming throaty. When he turned and came towards her, she backed away. ‘No.’ … Her heart broke seeing him like this, but she couldn’t allow him to come near to her now. She knew she would give him everything if he touched her in this moment. ‘You lied to me. You said you loved me,’ she whispered but with a strong tone that signalled that she wouldn’t give up easily.
I know she loves him to pieces, and I think their relationship is adorable, but I think, from what we see of the rest of her, she would have understood that he needed to leave, and let him more easily. After all, he was coming back every once in a while. Sure, he was risking his life, but everyone was… Do I sound like I hate her? Gah, I REALLY don't. I think she's an excellent OC, and how she deals (after this particular part) with her husband's disappearance is admirable.
A nitpick:
One thing I didn't get was that sometimes her memories were in italics, and something they weren't. Maybe I was missing the pattern? It threw me off a little, though, and I think it would have flowed better if there was a set way to do it.
So, one more comment. I'm not a fan of writing co-author fics because I feel like my own writing style rarely meshes very well with anyone else's, but that obviously wasn't a problem for the two of you. It was very consistent in the writing, and I wouldn't be able to tell if I tried who wrote which part. Honestly, that's an amazing feat. Nice job!
I haven't read the other entries to this challenge, but I must say that it'll be hard to find one that is better than this excellent piece of writing.
~Alison
Author's Response: Yes, her name is Helen, so no need for apologising. And thanks for reviewing and your comment about the story being a wonderful piece. *hugs*
About Anna acting like she did: I won't comment on that, because it's hard to explain why I wrote her that way, but it makes (kind of) sense, at least to me. Sorry that this didn't get through better in the story itself.
Also thanks for the compliment with the descriptions of the horrors of WWII. I had goosebumps running down my arms and s pine the entire time when writing it; it was such an intense feeling. And it was me who wrote the parts of Anna after the bombing. The attic scenes with Anna telling Victor her story were written by Helen. And yes, it really is great that our writing style matched this fantastically and that the story turned out so smooth without anyone being able to tell who wrote what. And about drawing the perfect line with the images: hee, actually, the story got rejected the first time because it was too graphic sometimes. We had to cut those parts out. But we're happy now with how the story turned out in the end now. Glad you liked those.
*pickles*
~Bine
I won't write a huge response, as Bine has already commented. Thanks for the compliments! Before this, I had personally never written a Co-Authored fic, but I am so glad I did. You learn so much from the other person. Check out Bine's review on how it all worked in the Great Hall.
Helen
Is This What You Want? by liquid_silver
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Rodolphus Lestrange meets with his nephew, who is an aspiring Death Eater. While trying to dissuade him from taking this path, he reveals more about himself than he intended.
Date: 10/29/08 Title: Chapter 1: Is This What You Want?
You know, when I first read the summary, I would have bet anything the nephew was going to be Draco.
First off, I think you paint a very realistic portrait of a young guy who thinks he wants to be a Death Eater. I can just imagine a pureblood boy told over and over again that being a Death Eater was wonderful turning out this way.
"But I want to do the Dark Lord's bidding! I want to put Muggles and Mudbloods and filth in their place! I – " Rodolphus raises a hand, and Eridanus is silenced.
It's just utterly believable for him to act this way; I think you do a great job of characterising him so well in such a short fic.
But your characterisation of Rodolphus is what sticks out to me the most. I think I say this about every Rodolphus fic I've read (and believe me — I've read them all), but I think you've done an amazing job making him seem like Bella's tragic husband.
"There is no turning back. You've come too far. You haven't the courage to desert the Dark Lord. There is nothing you can do but continue carrying out his wishes, never revealing to anyone how much it destroys you to do so. But you will never forget the fright frozen in those heavy-lidded eyes as the life behind them was erased."
It's just perfect — exactly how I imagine him. I've read and even written him so many ways, but this is always the one I come back to. You've nailed him.
"There is no sound except the slow dripping of wine onto the floor."
This line is just… so perfect and ominous. And the fact that Rod killed Andromeda! It's definitely brilliant. But my favourite line is:
"I thought not."
This is definitely a great way to end this fic. It's so fitting and really makes me love Rodolphus even more.
So I just want to say it was a wonderful fic, short and exploratory, but it really hits the mark. Good job!
~Alison
Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much for the wonderful review! I'm glad you liked it. But, as much as I hate to say, I didn't intend for the woman Rodolphus kills to be Andromeda -- we meet her in Deathly Hallows, remember? It was just coincidence that the woman he killed had the same eyes as Bellatrix, and that she married a Muggle man just as Andromeda did. Her resemblance to Bellatrix was only to make Rodolphus pause enough so that he had a chance to actually think about what he was about to do. The resemblance also served the purpose of contrasting the two relationships -- Rodolphus got to see a woman who reminded him irresistibly of his wife in a loving relationship, which of course forces him to think about the fact that Bellatrix didn't love him anymore, or at least, not as much as she loved Voldemort.
I agree, it would have been much more powerful if it was Andromeda, but then it wouldn't be canon-compliant. =-[
Sirius by SexY_LydZ
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: James shivered; Sirius had a way of looking at him that made him feel bare, exposed under that intense grey gaze.
How can a boy protect his best friend from things he can’t even see?
Date: 12/29/08 Title: Chapter 1: Shiver
That was so cute!
I've had a weird desire lately to write a Sirius/James fic, so when I saw this, I just had to read it, and it was amazing! I especially loved the beginning. I felt so bad for James, and I just kept internally screaming: Just wake him up already! But that's probably because I get wayyy too into things. :)
I love the way you portrayed their relationship. I think that so often in slash fics authors dwell too much on their characters freaking out about being gay or something. But the way you wrote it was lovely and natural.
And that was what James and Sirius were. Two halves of one whole. James couldn’t imagine his life without Sirius.
It's just too perfect! I looked on your author's page and saw that you didn't have anymore slash, do you?
I think my favourite part was the beautiful lines at the beginning. You write emotions in a very beautiful way. My very favourite line:
Sirius, when he didn’t burn as bright as the star after which he was named, was like a magnificent bloom that wilted. It was dreadful to watch something so glorious fail.
Just perfect! I think I may go and write my own soon. :) Thanks for being inspiring!
~Alison
Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a lovely review! I'm still smiling now as I write this. You should definitely write one yourself, I've read some of your stuff (I really liked the first chapter of your Evan/Rodolphus fic, by the way) and you're a lovely writer. You're right I don't have any other slash up, but I'm actually writing a companion to this fic. And that's my favourite line too.