06/05/07
Hey! My name's Phia, I'm 15 and Australian, and that's all the data you really need to know. I love writing and love the supportive fandom I've found on this site, but I love reviews the most - so indulge me! Of course praise is awesome, but constructive criticism's best... let rip!
:) Hope you enjoy what I've written.
xoxo Phia
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Rowena's Song by Pondering
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: It is time for Hogwarts' winter feast, and yet Godric has not returned to the castle. Helga worries and Rowena writes a song.
Written by Pondering of Ravenclaw
Date: 02/10/08 Title: Chapter 1: Rowena's Song
Tehehe. I like the portrayal of Salazar, he seems almost Snape-like, but with a better sense of humour. Godric shone, honestly, Tash, the character you've got for him there is awesome! Actually, I suppose I could say the same for Rowena and Helga. You've got all those characters very well-written.
I also liked the concept of the "dark spirits" being within rather than without. And the tickling of the sleeping dragon was funny!
This is the second Founder story I've read today where it mentioned Helga having a habit of looking towards the future; is it mentioned in canon or something?
All round, a terribly lovely fic. The opening paragraphs were so good, and from thereon in it only got better. Well done!
Love Phia
Für Das Größere Wohl by Tim the Enchanter
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Dieter Heydrich is a model German boy. He has perfect Aryan complexion, is an exemplary member of the Hitler Youth, and is fanatically loyal to his beloved Führer.
But on his eleventh birthday, Dieter discovers a hidden magical world led by an extraordinary wizard named Gellert Grindelwald…
Nominated for QSQ 2009, Best History/Mystery.
WINNER of QSQ 2009, Best Male Original Character.
Note: As you might have guessed, Für Das Größere Wohl is German, meaning: “For the Greater Good.” Yes, this story is from the perspective of the bad guys.
Date: 11/30/08 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter II: Düstere Nacht
Look, I haven't even read the chapter yet - I'm on a scavenger hunt for my Class on the forums - but I couldn't help but notice "dummkoff", which really ought to be "dummkopf", I'm pretty sure. I have only been learning German for a year though, so you might wanna check up on that... but this looks fascinating, exactly the sort of thing I'd read and I'm gonna print it off and read it at school tomorrow. Have you read The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak? I'd really, really recommend it. See if your local library has it.
I'll be back to review properly tomorrow, I'd say!
Author's Response:
Well, you probably know a lot more about German than I do, because I've never taken it! All the German I know pretty much comes from what I've read about Nazism, so my conversational German is quite lacking - thanks for pointing out the "dummkoff" mistake.
Anyway, I'm glad you like the story, even though you haven't read it yet! Have fun reading it whenever you get around to it - also, I presume you will not be reading it aloud in school tomorrow, correct? But I digress. I haven't read Markus Zusak's The Book Thief, but if I see it, I'd be sure to check it out. Looking forward to your proper review tomorrow!
Just out of curiosity, what kind of scavenger hunt are you doing? For what class?
Tim the Enchanter
Fractured Rules by helz_belz
Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Summary: In the beginning, my childhood, the path was clear. Follow the seven rules, go to school, graduate and get married. It was my duty as well as my destiny.
Yet, starting on my seventeenth birthday, a series of events caused everything I had ever known to change. A single boy broke through into my sheltered existence and made me rethink everything I had ever thought. Suddenly I was faced with a new future, an alternative destiny. One that was entirely unknown.
In the end I had to choose.
Abuse is only verbal and Sexual Situations are mild.
Ted/Andromeda
For information and info about my other stories, please see my Authors Page
Date: 11/01/08 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
Oooh - chilling! You've built up atmosphere so well, Helz! Really spooky. You've conveyed emotion well, with poignant bits fill to the brim with foreshadowing. Very well-written, with everyone well in character! Everything that happens is perfect plausible. The cult-like induction seemed at first like you were going a little over the top, but when I think about the crazy Blacks it may just work.
One line that really caught my attention at the beginning was how you said that Bella seemed happy, and at the time Dromeda thought it was for her, but that she later realised Bella was just happy not to be the weakest any more. That is so, so in character. Well done.
I loved the way you described the grandmother.
Two little typos: Narcissa was "tipped to do go far", and "I always kept myself cold and in control control". Other than that, all fine.
I'll be going on to read your Dromeda/Ted, now! Well done, Helz!
xoxox Phia
Author's Response: Thanks for the review Phia :)
In regards to the cult sort of aspect, I wanted to add something different to the same old Black family story. I needed a way for the rules to really sink in, rather then her family just told her not to.
I'm glad you liked it and thanks for picking up the typos. I shall go fix them now. I hope you enjoy the next chapters.
xox Helz
Vampire - Ghost Child! by Equinox Chick
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Rosalburga Aphrodite Black is no ordinary Hogwarts student. First - she's American. Second - she's only just discovered she's a witch. Third - her mother is a Vampire. Fourth - her father is Sex!God Sirius Black.
Things are about to get very exciting for the new R.A.B.
This is a tale of high dram and passion. This is a tale of extreme cliche's. This is a tale that may never be seen again.
Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling or even Stephanie Meyer
Date: 04/02/09 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue - How they met.
*deadpan face*
Carole, me love, this was awesome. I can totes see Miss Roseburger (or whatever her name is) growing up to seduce Teddy, then go back in time to become the original RAB, afterwards crossing into the Twiverse and - naturally - starting a cross-species war because she's so bee-oo-tiful and smart and special and Mary-Sueish and ANNOYING (much like her aunt Bella) and then finally causing epic gasp by bringing said aunt back into the HPverse and Bella Swan becomes BELLATRIX LESTRANGE IN DISGUISE!
*is considering stealing this plot bunny for herself*
ZOMG R U SURE UR NOT STEPH MEYER???/? IF SO, THIS STORY IS EVEN BRILIANTER THAN DA TWILIGHT SERIES!!!!!111!!! LULZ!!!
XD Well done, Carole. *hugs*
Author's Response: OMGG! Squeeelz, I luv u. You think I'm just like Stephie .. EEEEK!
Rosalburga (mixtue of Rosalie and Walburga - see it's all canon!)could try to break up Teddy and Victoire by being an evil genius. Then she discovers the Resurrection Stone and brings Voldemort back to life so he can get together with... GASP! I didn't think of Bellatrix Lestrange as Bella Swann. Voldy/Bella 4eva2geva
Oh this has been fun, Thank you.
Carole xxx
Wait by MagEd
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Despite their best efforts, the word "wait" is always in the vocabulary of Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley. Kicking off after the final battle is done and Voldemort is gone, this is how Harry and Ginny sent "wait" to the wayside. *one-shot*
Date: 10/25/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Well. Where to start? I really enjoyed this fic. It was well built-up, characterisation great, romance just right, plot concepts entertaining and realistic. Very well done.
Except... well, usually I wouldn't bother bringing this up, but you've evidently made an effort to be relatively British (what with the sweets and mUm and all) so I thought I'd just give you a hand and point out some Americanisms that jumped out at me (I'm Australian, but that's closer to British than it is to American).
*Going steady - there's not really a British equivalent, but something like "be my girlfriend officially" would do it.
*Overuse of "dating" - it is used in Britain, but not regularly. I think the Brits do the same as us in that we say "going out" rather than "dating". So, my boyfriend and I aren't dating, we're going out. And we don't go on dates, we go out. Geddit? That said, as Americanisation takes over the world, "date" is probably used as much as anything. But HP is decidedly more old-fashioned and British than modern-day teenaged Australia, so...
*"Road trip" - I've actually only ever heard this term once before, and that was in an American film. Probably just "travel" would work... let me think. My mum regularly tell ms how she and dad "drove around Australia" twenty years back, and she's certainly never referred to it as a road trip. That's a snarly one.
*"Diner" - decidedly American. "Takeaway" might work better there.
*"Don't say anything until I'm done" - done in this context is another Americanism, though few people realise it. You might want to use "finished" instead.
*You sporadically switch between British and American spelling. There are a lot of "realiSes" but still "favOrites" etc. Just whack it into Word and change the language preference to British, it'll pick up the American spellings.
But, they're all about as nit-picky as you'll get. I don't have any criticism for the actual story. Well done. :)
xoxo Phia
Author's Response: Thanks! I appreciate all the pointers -- I'll have to fix all that :) I'm glad you enjoyed the actual story!
Date: 10/25/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Oh, and I forgot to say - in Britain, it's "petrol", not "gas". Because it's not actually a gas. One of the few times that the British version makes more sense than the American, haha.
Author's Response: Thanks! :)
Who's That Girl? by Equinox Chick
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: As Head Girl, Lily Evans is used to the odd things that happen at Hogwarts. Very little fazes her – especially when it comes to the Head Boy and his gang. But when she discovers there’s a new girl at Hogwarts, who has entranced all her friends, she’s determined, along with James, to find out the identity of the mystery witch.
After all, since when has Hogwarts accepted American Exchange Students?
And just why has Peter stopped eating sausages?
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling and if I was I wouldn’t admit it and put my name to this piece of silliness.
This is Equinox Chick of Hufflepuff writing for the 2011 Mysterious May Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt # 1.
I also dedicate this to all those of you who love a good MWPP cliche.
Thanks Nat-a-tat (hestiajones) for the beta job especially in the last chapter.
Date: 05/26/11 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2 - Saved by the Dame
Oooooh! IT WAS JILL!!! Please update soon, this is fun :D First fanfic I've read in a year or two, hehe. I love how they have this secret relationship going on... I wonder how Dumbledore would respond to them having secret hook-up dates in a locked storeroom? You're cleverly playing with the American exchange cliche too, I've never really heard of it written from a FEMALE canon character's POV! I think you're doing it so well because you're not American! :p Fun story Carole, keep going!
Author's Response: The story is finished and all will be revealed soon - Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa. Anyway, thank you very much for the review and good to see you back here. ~Carole~
Just a Boy by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary:
Who we are is seldom who we were or who we will be, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. Sometimes, in special circumstances, we choose one and hold onto it because the alternative simply is not an option.
And so it was for Adam Mulciber and Mary MacDonald.
Date: 12/29/11 Title: Chapter 1: Just a Girl
Ohhh! I love it. How did you know that my childhood best friend (who later became my first boyfriend...) and I used to meet under a tree by a river? Haha, that'd be the magic of Christmas at work, I'd say!
I love the complexity of your characterisation - their feelings, motivations, histories and interactions are so muddled and illogical in such a way as makes them resoundingly realistic! This little one-shot is absorbing, dark, intriguing, and very mature. A perfect Christmas present - it's almost as if it were tailor-written for me. :P
Many thanks and a Happy New Year to you, Jess!
xx
Author's Response:
Haha, I'm glad you liked it. Honestly, once I'd finished, I was a bit worried, since you'd asked for a happy ending. Unfortunately, for these two, that wasn't really likely, so I instead chose to leave them with a happy memory. A poor substitute for happily ever after, for sure, but at least I didn't kill anyone, lol.
That is so weird/amazing that you had that special little spot. I just thought that most children have that special little spot that they loved, one of which the average adult would walk by without a second thought. It had to be something that would always be theirs yet never quite enough.
I love writing murky people. Humanity is so fabulously screwed up, and in an artistic sense, the perfect subject for study and for learning/growth. Mary and Adam are basically what might've been between Lily and Snape if she had had it in her heart to forgive him for what he said. Mary didn't want to forgive Adam, but she couldn't forget him and move on, either. Despite her protestations, she went to that little spot with the full knowledge that he might very well come there.
At any rate, I'll shut up now. I'm glad you liked the story, and thank you for coming out of lurkdom and participating in the exchange. :D
~Jess