I . . . have no excuse for putting off reviewing, except that I am a procrastinator with a notoriously short attention spa — OOH, A TAP-DANCING STUFFED PURPLE FLAMINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

See what I mean?

Anyway, I’m going to attempt a review now. WARNING: I’m eating sugar. I will be random. You haff been varned!

I have a hidden suspicion of Ivy’s “studying” habits and what she’s learning to do. I may PM it to you, so that if I’m right, I won’t be spoiling poor innocent readers. :d (Teh smilie is licking its upper lip, apparently.)

The other girls froze—Haley dropped her shopping bags, and Emma’s jaw fell to her chest like a python unhinging its jaw to swallow a whole pig. *dies of laughter* I’m sorry, I just find stuff like that funny . . . .

I love the line about Hermione being about to “cry with happiness” at Emma wanting to borrow Hogwarts, A History. Very awesome.

*blinks* Rupert Daniels? ^_^

And EMMA asked out TYRONE? O.O

Haley’s giggles actually gave way to a loud snort, which Emma had been fairly certain only happened in fiction. “I’m sorry,” she choked. “But… how did Tyrone think you tasted?” HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! Very vivid mental image of Tyrone eating an Emma meat pie from Mrs. Lovett. O.o (I’m listening to Sweeney Todd; I can’t help it.)

Her cousin laughed a laugh so humourless that it would be illegal to call it a laugh in fourteen different countries. (If you’re reading this in one of those countries, then I most humbly apologize.) *raises hand* I think I’m in one of those countries — Hyperville. ^_^

O.o Arden asked out Ted?!?!?! Goodness gracious me! Never saw THAT coming!

Oh, yes, that’s right, it had been a dream; that’s why Tyrone had been wearing a leather miniskirt. Okay, that line made me make this noise: GCCCCCCKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! . . . Except, I was laughing. ^^;

Bit of melodrama in the broom cupboard . . . minty fresh breath? . . . OH MY GODRIC TED AND IVY SHIPPINESS YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *squees*

I love Professor Zabini right there. Fantastic.

Aw, so that’s why Ivy wears her hair like that! That’s . . . awwwwwwwwww. *tears up slightly* Never thought I’d say this, but Ivy is becoming my favourite OC of yours.

I love your description of Ivy, but I kind of wish you’d have gone into a bit more detail on Haley and Emma’s appearances.

I really enjoyed your descriptions of the ball, and seeing Ivy’s POV on everything. But I felt really, really, really horrible when Arden was running out of the ball like that.

Why am I sensing some upcoming Giorgi / Jordan shippiness? *nudgenudgewinkwink*

That was a truly AWESOMETASTICAL (yes, I’m borrowing your word) chapter, Schmergo!

- Katie *apologises for the lateness of this review*

*gives you a suspicious-looking meat pie*

*runs away*

Author's Response: KATIIIIIEEEE! I\'m glad to hear you liked this chapter! \'TWas the first romance-y thing I ever wrote.

A TAP-DANCING STUFFED PURPLE FLAMINGO? WHEEEERE?

Funny how I don\'t even remember writing half these lines... I can\'t tell you if your suspicions are right or not, because you\'ll find out anyway in Chapter Nine. I\'m EBIL.

LAWLZ, SWEENEY TODD! You have no idea how much Sweeney Todd has changed my perception of the world. SPeaking of which, I love your new avatar on the forums. It was a little bit disturbing, though, when I got your message, because it said \"FISH ARE FRIENDS, NOT FOOD\" and I was eatin\' a fish sandwich.

I have a picture of Tyrone in a miniskirt. NOT ATTRACTIVE. I also have a picture on my art thread where I swapped the genders of all of the characters, and girl Tyrone (named Tyra) is in a miniskirt.

Zabini ends up being a pretty major character in this trilogy, but...I can\'t help but make him do stuff like this!

I\'m really glad you like Ivy! She\'s never been one of my favourites, maybe because I\'m so much unlike her, but still...

Don\'t worry, there are more detailed descriptions of what all three girls wear to the ball in the third book. I just felt like describing Haley and Emma\'s outfits would detract too much from the Ivy-ness. Speaking of which, Haley would TOTALLY be singing \"Popular\" from Wicked, yes? And I wrote this story before I knew anything about Wicked!

THANKS AGAIN! And suspicious-looking meat pies are my favourite kind!

Author's Response: SUPER SPOILER LIKE WHOA: IVY\'S \"STUDYING\" WAS ACTUALLY HER SNEAKING OFF NIGHTLY TO SNOG VLADISLAV POLIAKOFF! OMG!!!!!

SCHMEEEEEEEEEEEEERGO! SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO REVIEW; I WAS CHRISTMAS SHOPPING FOR EIGHT STRAIGHT HOURS YESTERDAY!

Boy, do I love Caps Lock.

I am beginning to wonder what goes on between “Professor Zabini” and “ . . . and a potato.” My deranged mind thinks it should be “Professor Zabini should turn into a singing, tap-dancing fluffy stuffed penguin that loves to sing “Penguin In The Dive” (a spoof of “Falcon In The Dive”) that is also an Olympic Gold Medallist in catching snowflakes on its tongue and eats only yoghurt and a potato.” (I hope you appreciate my randomness.)

“You wish,” sneered Charybdis.

“Oddly enough, yes,” snapped Jordan. HA!

(And you probably don’t know, but how do you pronounce ‘Charybdis’? And WHERE do you come up with these fantastic OC names?)

And what does O.I.S.E.A.U. stand for? (I’m just wondering.) I do love the fact that you have a Mary-Sue in here, though. She’s so . . . PERFECT. It’s either bound to make me laugh at her or hate her. I haven’t decided which yet. ^_~

Ooh, I HATE Charybdis! She’s so MEAN and EVIL and . . . URGH! I hate how she calls Haley ‘ten’ especially. Height-deprived people are NOT inferior! Just look at Warwick Davis! And since you seem to like Theodore Nott so much (judging by your Gauntlet fics), I’m a bit surprised that THIS is his daughter. Bleh.

What IS up with Ivy, anyway? I’m beginning to wonder what’s going on with her, just like your summary said I would. . . .

Sgtjpepper: What. Did. I. Tell. You. About. Chatspeak? Ha, I can relate to Jordan here. I actually say that to my friends all the time when I Instant Message them, because they always go “lyk lol tht was sooooo funny!!!!!!! So omg wht is up w./ her latly????????” and it drives me INSANE!

“Promise me one thing,” he asked his son seriously. “If you ever see a Harry Potter action figure in a shop… please don’t make a bonfire and invite all your friends for a ritual burning.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! I laughed out loud there, and the sudden noise made my mother jump and drop a Christmas ornament. (By the way, you owe me $4 for a new one.)

I’M AN OSTRICH! is now my favourite random thing to yell. Oh, and I love the Cap’n Crunch reference.

I love love LOVED the transformation scene. Arden might even give Ivy some competition! (Or not.) So, wait, they can talk to each other in wolf form? Dude, that’s awesome!

I really like Arden’s character. She seems shy and believable, and I adore the fact that she’s an artist.

I loved this chapter, Schmergo, and I can’t wait for the next one!

- Katie

P.S. I'm curious -- what's your favourite Christmas Carol? Mine is probably either 'Jingle Bell Rock' or 'Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree.'

Author's Response: WOW, IF I HAD TO SHOP FOR EIGHT STRAIGHT HOURS, I\"D CHOP MY HEAD OFF WITH A LIVE MOOSE\'S ANTLERS!

Okay, I laughed out loud at your weird potato thing and had to read it out loud to my sister... she didn\'t think it was funny, but she is a poo-head. (I only said the poo-head part because she\'s standing behind me reading what I type and I WANT HER TO GO AWAY! Okay, thanks. ^_^) Just put the sickest thing you can imagine before the potato line. I\'d love to hear the Penguin In the Dive song, by the way.

Charybdis is pronounced ker-IB-diss. Her name comes from The Odyssey. Odysseus has to choose between going through one of two monsters, Scylla or Charybdis. He picks Scylla, and I always thought Charybdis had a cooler name... so I made her a character in my story! It sounded evil to me.

I don\'t speak French (why do I keep writing about French stuff, I wonder?), so I don\'t know what O.I.S.E.A.U. stands for. I do know that \"Oiseau\' is French for bird... or something... so I did that as a pun on O.W.L.s.

You are preaching to the choir about height-deprived people, dude. I am about an inch and a half taller than Haley, and I have a lot of ludicrously tall friends. I hate Charybdis, too. We\'ll see more of why she is the way she is in the next book, but I will tell you that Theo and November are dead in this story.

Jordan would go completely spare if he encountered Bellatrix on \"The Dark Lord\'s Blog,\" hehehee.

Sorry about the ornament! Do you accept PayPal donations? ^_^

I bet people are reaaaallly confused by all the random things you yell!

Wow, you picked up on the subtle hint about wolf-form communication! Whoops, that slipped. Well, anyway, they will discover that later on.

My favourite Christmas carol is \"The Twelve Days AFTER Christmas,\" which we are singing in chorus. It starts off like this: \"The first day after Christmas, my true love and I had a fight. And so I chopped that pear tree down and burned it just for spite. Then with a single cartridge I shot the blasted partridge my true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.\"

Also I like \"You\'re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch,\" \"I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas,\" and anything Josh Groban sings.

WHOA. AWESOMENESS OVERLOAD.

You're writing lotsa poems lately, and I'm not sure my tiny leetle brain can handle the sheer amazingness of them!

I love the 'blink-blink' repitition in here, and the parentheses here and there. . . wow. . . .

You really have a unique poetry style that is all your own, and it definitely shows here -- and it's fantastic. I especially love:

dearest daughter,
it
begins
-wait

(no daughter
of hers)

I can almost feel the emotion and the confusion here, and I'm also feeling a bit sad.

This was an excellent poem, and I have no concrit (for once).

- Katie

P.S. That poem I beta-ed for you a while ago called "Caged Bird" -- have you submitted it?

Author's Response: THANK YOU! Tehe, I\'m sorry, but that just is teh happiness overload to me. Just.. yeah... thanks! I do like this poem. \'i have never heard a caged bird sing\' got submitted, but incorrectly, and I haven\'t redone it yet because I\'m lazy and don\'t particually like it. Maybe I\'ll do it though.... :D -Stubby

O.O

WOW. That was so . . . so . . .

ANGSTY.

I loved it!

I especially shivered at the part when Opal went insane right before she died.

But the ending was perfect as well, and I can find absolutely nothing I didn't like.

Fantastic job, Stubby!

- Katie

Author's Response: 0_o Thanks a jillion! I had altogether too much fun writing this. -Stubby

Very, very nice, Stubby! I'm happy that you submitted this; it's a great poem.

All the punctuation is actually helping the poem, rather than hindering it, so good job there.

*is too lazy to write anything else*

*pokes*

*flees*

- Katie

Author's Response: *pokes* *is to lazy to say anything but thank you* *flees* -Stubby

Yes, yes, I know it’s taken me FOREVER to review this. But I have a good reason! I wanted to leave a super-long review because this story is AMAZING. I’ve read it somewhere near five times now, which means that most of it is *officially* committed to memory. It is THAT awesome. So, without further ado (because too much ‘ado’ is never good), onto the review!

The bell rings, and another day begins. Perfect beginning. It’s a simple, unassuming sentence that manages to hook the reader (‘What’s so important about today, after all?’—that sort of reaction) and make them keep reading. The rest of the paragraph sounds remarkably like my school, and probably every other high school in the world. I like that you show the similarities between a magic school and a regular school before going into the minute differences between the two that begin to reveal themselves in the next paragraph.

Your descriptions are very blunt, and yet somehow are absolutely captivating. Pledges are said to various flags (nobody really says them, though, only reciting), announcements are read (same old things), and the announcer rambles on about things nobody cares about (who gives a shit about the charity drive?). That line, in particular, is one of my favourites of this fic. The way it’s written is unmistakeably frank and truthful. The normal part of the sentence shows how things would appear, but upon reading the fragments in parentheses, the reader is enlightened to how things are truly viewed.

‘Sweet little Stevie’ is a perfect look into what I feel is the underlying theme of this fic: Things are not as they appear. And, ultimately, you speak the truth about the ‘Stevies’ of every school: Stevie will be reprimanded. He will speak to councilors who will ask why-why-why. He might even be removed from school for a few days. But eventually, he will return to his bathroom. All anyone ever cares about is the why, as you’ve hinted here. ‘Why did you say that?’ ‘Why did you do that?’ ‘Why would you make such a stupid mistake?’ But no one cares about the whats—‘What’s wrong?’ ‘What’s bothering you?’ ‘What can I do to help?’ And using only why and never what will lead the Stevies of the world right back to where they started: in the bathroom.

*is getting ranty*

I feel sorry for Jenna. Not much else I can think of to say on this one, for some reason, though. . . . >.> But, so this looks less like a sentence and more like a paragraph, I’ll just mention here that I love how you skip seamlessly around the room, telling several stories without ever becoming too choppy.

The teacher is another character I feel sorry for. He knows that teaching is his passion, but his students are terrifying him to the degree that teaching almost seems impossible. I admire him for even attempting to teach, as no one but Jenna seems to want to learn. (This is incredibly similar to my school. I already mentioned that, but I figured I’d mention it again. ^^; )

Ooh, snow. There’s something really symbolic about it snowing in such a tainted (if that’s the right word) environment. *is obsessed with symbolism*

Jamie is my favourite character, without a doubt. I’ll get into why at the end of the review (if I remember—poke me if I don’t). She gives a glance to Andrew and Steevie but turns away like a ballerina- she's on pointe. I like the last half of this sentence. Something about the way you describe her being on pointe is unique and really makes this sentence stick out. And ‘Steevie’ should be ‘Stevie’. *is a typo freak* =]

Everyone who goes before her is better. Jamie knows this because they aren't her: she will never be the best. This line is somehow heartbreaking to me, especially after you say that her father said so. Poor Jamie.

The little section about her being tormented was a bit distracting to me. I’m glad that you put it in there, as it gave a bit more insight about how Jamie dresses, how ‘popular’ she is, etc., but it’s not my favourite section. *hides from fruit projectiles*

The walk up to the stage does a great job of subtly building tension. The first time I read this, I nearly skipped over that section just to see how well she did (I’m impatient). But as I read it, I was glad that I didn’t skip a single line, as they were all brilliant.

Although the lyrics are mournful, and the strains gloriously sad, there is hope. It bounces around the room like a rainbow reflected off of a billion drops of water, ignoring the rain. These are my absolute favourite lines out of this entire fic. They’re on my Top Ten Favourite Lines EVER List. The description here is beyond adjectives. It’s beautiful, but haunting; hopeful, yet powerful. Absolutely amazing.

This is magic. Perfect, perfect, perfect last line. Because in a school where magic is used for such wrong reasons, shouldn’t something so beautiful be the only true magic, and the other ‘magic’ be only a tainted copy? [/weirdness]

I absolutely LOVE this fic. It’s one of my favourites of all time. You did a fantastic job with it. Keep up the excellent writing! =]

 - Katie