Ah, shame on me for falling behind, even if reading three chapters in sequence quenches my curiosity better. :D

I really like how Rose and Scorpius go through all of the typical teenage BS with relationships, like being jealous of his friends and how much time he spends with them (even if they are her own family members) and her being mad at him for reasons that she didn't even know. It took me right back to high school and all of its accompanying drama (which I'm assuming was the point).

The fight was interesting, brawling like barbarians in the dirt. Call me a romantic, but I miss the days when a guy would kick another guy's ass to defend his girlfriend's honor, not his own reputation. I'm not sure how romantic that really is, but I digress. lol

The PMS thing had me LOLing for like 10 minutes. Girls are always so mortified when their boyfriends find out when they're menstruating, like it's some great mystical secret.  They're men, not idiots; they know that it happens at some point, lol. Very nicely done. It adds an air of comic relief.

I loved the part when Rose just bluntly asks Al whether he'd started seeing Anna, and judging by the choking, I'd say that they had rounded second base already. ^.^ That being said, it actually makes me feel better about Rose, since she stopped with the sulkies long enough to think about it again.

When Zabini had alluded to repercussions of Rose dating Scorpius, it gave me happy little red flags, saying that this was going to be a big part of the ending. I can't wait to get there, because I'm damned impatient, and I really want to know. :D

Anyway, enough spammy reviewing...great last few chapters, and it'll be awesomeness when the next ones come out. 

Happy writing!

Jess

I hadn't expected Draco to be the more accepting Malfoy and Astoria the bigoted one, because for the most part, that's how they're portrayed in most Rose/Scorpius pieces, but I knew Draco had it in him to appreciate the fact that he'd be dead if it wasn't for the Trio and pass the good karma to their offspring.

I was so expecting them to get caught at the last minute, but I'm glad they didn't. It's fortunate that they didn't let the hostile mood in the house ruin the completely different mood between them.

Thank you for the update, and no worries about reality interfering. It happens, but it makes it doubly sweet when one can escape into the Potterverse and leave it all behind for a few moments.

~Jess

Ooh, I love the idea of a Weasley raid on Malfoy Manor! I can't wait to see that. :)

In these last couple of chapters, it's been really nice to really get to know the Malfoys as you've portrayed them. Of all the Astoria Malfoy's I've read, you're the only one that I've come across who shares my sentiments that she is nasty and vile. Everyone always portrays her as a sweet, docile creature, so I totally love that you didn't. Draco was...very Draco. I know that's not much of a description, but I do see him defending his wife over his son because of his views on the parent/child power hierarchy, even if he probably knows that Astoria is a mad bint and should be the one tossed.

I have an appreciation for the leap that Scorpius took, choosing love over family (if one could really call them that after what had happened). It proved that he was a good man, willing to fight for what he believed in, or rather whom he believed in. He also showed just how much he loved and trusted Rose, putting all of his money, which was his only lifeline away from home, and put it with the Weasley vault. It was yet another leap in the right direction, his rehabilitation as a recovering Malfoy, so to speak.

This part here say so much about how he truly feels about Rose, mostly in the fact that he says these things like second nature, not something that he just said to piss in mummy’s cornflakes.

‘That was one of the first things I told Rose, you know?’ he said, making Rose start at the sound of her name. ‘That you didn’t want me.’ Astoria murmured something, and Scorpius shot her a look of pure filth. ‘Don’t patronise me, Mother. I’m not stupid. You’ve never liked me, even when you’re drinking yourself into oblivion. Not only have you told me how I ruin your life on countless occasions, but when have you ever told me you loved me?’

‘Scorpius, this is ridiculous,’ Draco started, moving towards his son, who automatically stepped back

‘Let me finish. You know what? Rose listened to me when I told her this. She actually cared. And she still does, and that’s why I love her more than I will ever love you. So don’t you dare try to tell me that I can’t be with her, because if you try to make me choose, it will be her. Every time.’ .

This just speaks so much about Scorpius, but at the same time, he managed to convey to his parents just what he thought of blood status and of what they thought of his choices. Plus, it’s also another interesting foreshadowing of one of Scorpius’s dark secrets, which is having an abusive, violent, alcoholic mother.

I’m so glad you didn’t turn Draco into the alcoholic, because if we know anything about him, it’s that he’s not stupid. Alcoholism scarcely ever stays private, and he knew that he could never risk the public humiliation, on top of what he had already endured after the war, of his name being associated with yet another black mark.

Poor Rose…she was so lost when all of this was going on, but to be honest, Scorpius showed very Slytherin tendencies with his quick thinking, not to mention the practicality of procuring his inheritance before the Malfoys could cut him off from it. He thinks on his feet very well, which makes me like him more than I already do.

You made Ron and Hermione so believable and in-character with the way they reacted to a slightly injured and bedraggled Malfoy child on the doorstep. It was a very nice touch how Ron immediately warmed up to Scorpius once he learned that the boy had hexed Draco. I am still in awe that he didn’t actually put Scorpius in the office instead of a room…had that been my daughter, I probably would have.

Another part that I particularly admire is this:

‘Scorpius! Did you bring your broomstick?’ she asked, retrieving hers from her trunk and holding it up.

He looked at her, dread marking his features. ‘You’re kidding. How did I manage to forget that?’ he groaned, sitting on the edge of her bed and falling backwards so he was lying across it. ‘And it’s my broomstick. I can’t buy a new one. I can’t.’

Rose knew exactly what he meant – she was far too attached to hers to want a new one. Even though there were better, faster models on the market now, her Firebolt 260 had served her well and she knew it inside out. ‘We could go back?’

There are two large reasons that I adore this passage. First off, I’m a hockey player, and what we’re attached to the most are our skates. It takes so long to break them in, to get used to them, but after that time has passed, they become another part of you as a player. I really think that a broomstick would be much the same for a Quidditch player. This makes the last line in that part so less insane than it may sound to a non-athlete, or at least someone who has never been attached to a piece of athletic equipment before.

The second thing that I love is that last line. Rose suggesting – I believe in earnest – that she would willingly go back to the House of Horrors for a broomstick just goes to show that she really cares about him deeply, even down to the little things that make him happy (though the broom really isn’t a little thing). This right here is what will make the madness that I’m sure will ensue in successive chapters sooooooo great, because a Weasley that will do anything is a fascinating Weasley indeed.

Anna’s reaction to Scorpius was precious. It just seemed like she was relieved that she could finally like him without feeling guilty about it. She also puts off great friend vibes by pretending that she’s actually more interested in her shoes than in the insanity that had taken place at Malfoy Manor.

All in all, I’m so excited for the next installment, to see what sort of madhattery the Weasley offspring have in store for those hapless Malfoys. They’ll never know what hit them.

Take care and happy writing, and I hope to see another update soon. :-D

Jess

P.S. – I have no earthly idea what has happened with the formatting on this, but the whole chapter is one gigantic paragraph, with no spaces between sentences and paragraphs at all. There are also several wonky bits where the page seems to have eaten your dashes and replaced them with ‘w22:’. I picked them out and put them below for you. Perhaps the server is being a prat, or maybe it’s a formatting issue (do you use Tiny MCE?). Might want to look into it, because reading a whole chapter without paragraph separation is sort of a headache. :-

‘That bloody gitw22;’ Ron started, but Hermione gave him one of her looks and he fell silent.

‘She told me she never wanted to see me again as long as I lived, and that I might as well be a Mudblw22; Muggle-born, for all she cared.’

‘That’s extremely kind of you, Mrs. Weasley, but I do have some money and I canw22; '

Ron fell silent, thinking for a moment. ‘Put him in the office?’ he said. ‘We could move all the office stuff upstairs andw22; and

‘Oh, Scorw22;’ Rose reached her hand out to him, but he shook his head

‘He hexedw22;?’



Oh, and Apurva is an absolute star, isn't she? :)

Author's Response: Oh, wow. Even though I've been in SPEW for so long, when I get reviews like this I still do a little squee. :) Just ... thank you so much! These reviews are what make me sit down and keep writing, seriously. I'm so relieved you like my characterisation, because I started this story so long ago and sometimes I think that I've made Rose and Scorpius grow up way too quickly (they tend to change along with me, haha). Also, I'd never make Draco an alcoholic, purely for the reasons you stated. And it's odd - in my fics about Scorpius I make Astoria a total b*tch, but when I write Draco/Daphne I always make her really sweet. I don't know why. x.x I'm so sorry about the screwy formatting! I didn't double-check like I usually do, but it looked alright in the preview screen. I format everything myself, and I'm pretty sure it's MNFF acting up. Sometimes that just happens, I think especially if I press preview twice. Which is weird. Anyway, thanks again for an absolutely lovely review! And you've reminded me that I have to reply to a PM ... >.>

That. Was. Awesome.

I totally heart the raid, from start to finish, even though Lily got hurt. That was the one thing that could spur our new POV of the chapter into a decent rage. Piss on Draco anyhow for hexing a little gir. >:o

I really thought it was brilliant to use James instead of Rose or Scorpius for this part, because he represents the opposite end of the spectrum in terms of just how much Scorpius is not liked by half the Weasley/Potter cousins. It would have been much more difficult to capture that withough this POV, so yay for you.

I like the grudging truce between James and Scorpius, for James, IMO, was the last roadblock between Scorpius and acceptance by Rose's family. Of the cousins, he is the most anti-Malfoy.

I do wonder, however, how a winning-crazed Quidditch maniac like James would ever consent to helping an opponent retrieve his broomstick. I don't know if this is a new leaf for James or just something that I'm overthinking, but if I were James, I'd tell Rose to screw off, even if she did threaten him. He's just as ridiculously competitive as I am.

I do wonder, though - was Draco trying to curse the Weasley clan because they were stealing a broom, or was he exacting revenge for his money being 'stolen.' This should be interesting to see in later chapters, the backlash from this event. The parents will eventually find out - they always do - and that will definitely be hairy for our heroes, as well.

Well, anyhow, not the greatest review in the world, but I just wanted to check in and say that I loved your heist. It was spectacular.

Take care and happy writing,

Jess

Hmm, thank you, Poetry Review Circle, for finding this poem for me. :D

I’ve been in a giant battle poem swing as of late, so it’s really cool to see others’ poems that follow the event. There is just something epically epic about the call to arms, about rousting William Wallace-esque pump-up speeches, that gets the blood flowing and makes me want to go out and punch a bad guy. But this one is a bit different in a few ways.

One of my most favourite parts is the voice of it. I love that Gryffindor ‘we might die, but screw it!’ vibe going on. It really feels fitting for how the Hogwarts fighters would approach imminent fighting with Voldemort’s scary forces of dark creatures. ‘If it be our last, then we shall fight.’ really illustrates this for me. It’s one of the first heck!yeah moments of the poem.

The flow is amazing. It’s almost all uniform in meter and in number of syllables in lines, which lends it an almost marching feeling, as if they’re parading headlong into danger and holding their heads high. Things like these are what makes poetry so worthwhile to read, almost like unwrapping a present over and over again.

But most of all, I just really like the hopeful nature of it. There is no attitude of anger that their lives could be cut short, but more that, if they have to go out, it would be for something worthwhile. You said that the poem was in the perspective of Remus and Tonks, and this really rings true with what I feel about the characters.

If I had to offer some critique, I would suggest changing the punctuation for the following:

A young man not yet out of school,
Our only hope; my heart is full
Of dreams and fears, friends and foes
And memories, our highs and lows.

Mostly, the only thing I find a bit odd is that ‘A young man not yet out of school, our only hope’ isn’t an actual independent clause, so it seems weird that it’s connected with the rest via a semicolon. I’m not sure there is much else you could do with it without comma overload, save for subbing the semicolon with a dash. It’s pretty subjective, but it’s really the only thing I could see that could’ve possibly been improved. If you have to change the wording, then completely ignore me, because the line itself is gorgeous.

All in all, this poem is so very impressive. It’s, as I mentioned, epic, and you formed it so well as to add to its purpose. So very well done, and I’m glad I got to read it. :D

~Jess

This is an absolutely fabulous story, and I can't wait for an update. Getting to finish this tale would be almost like Christmas. :-)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I try my best, but chapter sixteen has been waiting to be written for so long already, and my muse just isn't very cooperative at the moment.

Helloooo, Bob, Mah SPEW Buddy!

Hmm, I’ve never come across a story formatted quite like this one before. Typically, the author writes the story and the reader just reads, but I’ve never actually seen an instance where the writer starts, the reader reads and then has a say in where the story goes next. Of course, personally, I never would because I’m far more into shocking readers, but this is definitely a good theme choice for a ‘pick-an-ending’ story: to be or not to be.

What happens to George after the Battle is an interesting debate. Some say he forges on solo, keeping the humour in his life in honour of his brother; some conjecture that he becomes a bit dark and brooding; some go for complete meltdown. I love that you chose meltdown, for there are far too few stories like this one floating around. There is an art to delving into humanity’s darkest facets, but there is a strange beauty to it, as well. And yes, Bob, this story is beautiful.

Ron was different in this fic. I can’t put my finger on it, but there was something odd about him. At times, he doesn’t seem like the fairly selfish boy he always had been, but in other parts, he is pure canon. I think the thing that causes that is when Ron said, “Oh, George.” This seems very Molly or Hermione, but I’m not so sure Ron would say it, so that might throw me, whereas had the ‘Oh’ been omitted, I mightn’t have noticed anything at all. It gives him a mother hen aura about him, which doesn’t feel like it completely fits. When I ignore that, however, I very much agree with your portrayal of Ron.

It was weird for me to see Percy and Bill fighting, since I don’t recall them exchanging more than a couple words in the books, but I think you did it well. Nobody bothers to think of Bill as remotely petty (though the label suits Percy far more often), so I think it worked out good for you to make them all a bit crass toward each other. Molly’s ‘foot = down!’ moment was fab. She wasn’t mean, but she oozed the ‘I mean business’ vibe. I thought she was very in-character and that your account of family drama was done believably.

The chapter in George’s perspective was extraordinarily powerful. We know that the Potterverse has some sort of afterlife, or else James and Lily wouldn’t have been able to keep tabs on Harry’s life (not to mention the Resurrection Stone wouldn’t work), and I think your postulated scenario with every window showing a different loved one is very apt. Also, Fred being angry with George for being selfish was a wow moment, because the only time in the series that we ever see them in any sort of conflict is in Goblet of Fire after the failed Ageing Potion incident, and even that was trivial. Fred was essentially calling George a coward, and I think that was the biggest turning point in the entire story.

I really like the ambiguous ending. Yes, we know that George woke up, but we don’t know what sort of state he’s in after the fact. It fits in really well with the way you wrote this. As a reader, I can choose whether George moved on from his near-death experience or if he is still mired in his self-loathing and lack of will. I’m not sure I know which one I would choose, but I found myself thinking heavily on it. That makes this story a fascinating character study due to its subjectivity.

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t entirely fond of the style in the beginning. There was a lot of description of Ron’s action that seemed a little too mundane. I get that the picture is being painted of what he thought was a normal day of rousting George out of bed, but the beverage-making process seemed a bit dragged out. As the fic went on, the content became much more engrossing and relevant, but I had a hard time getting into it to start. My best suggestion would be to gloss over the parts that are a given (everyone knows the basic process of making tea, I’d wager) and focus more on Ron’s thoughts, or even lack thereof. Of course, this is only my personal preference/opinion, but consider it something to think about.

All and all, as you said in your author’s notes, this is a completely different type of story than I’ve ever known you to write. It’s unlike anything else I’ve read on this site, to be honest, so I tip my hat to you for your creativity and ingenuity. I’m glad I picked this story to read and review.

Have a lovely night!

~Jess

Hmm, I like this story, and having a plot twist centered around a random Quibbler article from OotP is a nice touch.

My only whiny little concern is that I would like to have seen Harry extend a hand of friendship to the closest thing he has to a sister in Grace, but all in all, I really enjoyed the story and the underlying plot. The story line was actually pretty informative and laden with information for only a 12 chapter work, which is always a plus in my book.

Author's Response: Thank you, for taking the time out to write me such kind words. Yes, I agree. The last seen should have included one last handshake between Harry and Grace.

What an interesting story! First off, bully for Neville for living to be 187!

Second, I never really thought about Lily being lucky that she got to choose when she died, but we all know that if she would have let Harry be killed, she would have died a slow, miserable death, and Snape would have never had his soul redeemed.

I guess in retrospect, she was that lucky, because if she had not died, many, many more would have suffered. In essence, she gave the wizarding world a gift greater than even Harry had done.

I love the "makes you think" stories. Fabulous work. :-)

And it’s finally here!!!

My long-awaited review of the Epilogue, of course. Did you think I’d forgotten about it? Surely not. Stupid RL…

Anyway, all that aside, I’m so glad that I know now what happened after Albus fell through the veil. I have to admit, it has been eating at me a bit that I didn’t know. I had been waiting to read the previous chapters again, all in succession, just so I could grasp it in it’s entirety, but that was completely unnecessary. This story isn’t one that I’d ever forget, anyway.

Your portrayal of raw grief is mind-blowing. Have I ever told you that? Probably, but I’ll say it again. Just the power of James’s emotions was gripping and wrenching at the same time. We both know how much grown men hate to be caught crying, but this was one of those few, few times that none of them would care. The ache and the emptiness that he felt after losing his brother made me want to sniffle and to hug him all at once. I have always maintained that, despite their difference, the Potter boys have always loved one another fiercely. Even when they say they don’t, even when they think they don’t, that fraternal bond has always existed for me in my heart.

That is why you, missy (am I even allowed to call you that? lol), are brilliant. Though I have no idea whether you’ve experienced these things firsthand or if you just have a fantastic power of extrapolation, but I feel like, in reading this, that James’s loss was my loss. That’s both an amazing and a bad feeling, because I love both these boys and don’t want them to suffer this badly. On the other hand, some of the most powerful things I’ve ever read were driven by characterisation and emotion, both of which you’ve managed to capture for me.

I would be remiss if I failed to bring in the ‘crit’ part of my review, but I know that you’d rather hear it than not. I do have three nitpicks, two of which are canonical and the other is about ‘fuzzy’ canon. The first is the colour of James Classic’s eyes. You have them as green, but James Potter’s eyes were brown. Harry got his green eyes from Lily. Not a big thing, but I know you’re a canon girl and would want your story to be correct.

The second is when you said that James was the master of the three Hallows, which allowed him to use the ring. In The Tale of the Three Brothers, the second brother did not need to master all three Hallows to use the Ring. If that was the case, then Dumbledore would have never been able to use the Elder Wand, and generations of Potter boys would have been out of one of their most favourite playthings.

The last is the fact that Sarah can see Albus’s ring form (dunno what else to call it). In DH in The Forest Again, only Harry can see his parents, Remus, and Sirius, and it was specifically defined that this was the case. If this is, indeed, canon, then Albus would have been for James’s eyes and James’s eyes only. Not even James’s wife would have been able to see him (or Marcum or James Classic). I don’t know if this is actual canon or not, but it is an assumption on my part that it is.

Okay, now that part is out of the way, and I can get back to praise. I love it that you made the Ring reappear in James’s pocket. Some mysteries just aren’t meant to be understood, and keeping the Hallows from being probed in the Department of Mysteries just seems right to me. I never really thought about it, but Harry did the world a favour when he hid the darker of these objects from others. No one should own a wand of such repute as the Elder Wand, and the power to bring back the dead, even if in a hollow form, isn’t an ability that any mere man should possess, even with the aid of magical objects.

All in all, this chapter was a lovely sum up of the story that got me so into the mind of Albus Potter. You sewed up loose ends, yet you left just enough of a thread from which you could construct a new story for our intrepid Potter clan. I can’t wait to see the Epic of Doom, if your drabbles are any indication of how it will happen.

Farewell for now, and thank you for being so awesome. Knowing you, you’ll probably be off straightaway to fix the little glitches, and I will, of course, end up reading this story again soon and reviewing it…again. Take care and happy writing!

~Jess


Author's Response: Ah, Jess! Thanks so much for the review! You have no idea how much it means. Remember back when MNFF went down and we were all crying about it on FB? You said something about this story and just knowing one person was reading it motivated me to keep going and finish it, so thank you for that! And thank you for the amazing compliments, too. *blushes* I think we are pretty much on the same page when it comes to the Potter boys. I love 'em too, but then we are on the same page about beating up our favorite characters too, aren't we? ;) I sure hope I can get the EoD off the ground someday because I really want to write more about Harry and James now. Thanks for pointing out all those stupid mistakes. Of course I know Harry got his green eyes from Lily - dumb mistake, easy to fix. I went back and reread some stuff in DH last night about the Hallows. Like I said in my PM, you're right - one doesn't need all three Hallows for one (ie, the Ring) to work, but for some reason my mind got stuck on that, probably because Harry had them all and Dumbledore called him 'Master of Death.' So I'll be tweaking that, at least here at the end with James. Albus still wanted them, because I think he would have wanted to be 'Master of Death' and not just bring back Marcum through the Ring for a chat. And the bit about Sarah seeing Albus - well, there's loads of ways around that. Who says only the person who turned the Ring can see the dead person they called? Maybe only Harry saw his parents in DH because that's what they wanted. I think Albus would have wanted the others to see him off. Plus, it's the DOM, and to me, just about anything is possible there. (Seriously - I've loads of crazy ideas, lol.) I'll tweak it, though - thanks! You'd make a spectacular beta, you know. I might have to beg it of you if I ever get to the EoD, then you could find these things for me. :) Thanks again for reading and reviewing this story! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and wish you luck with your own! *hugs* ~Gina :)