03/20/10
I am a crazy 15-year-old Harry Potter fan with a passion for writing. Seriously, I'm an insane person. I belong in a padded cell with jackets that make you hug yourself. But then, brilliance is often accompanied with insanity... ;)
Basic Info: I am American, and I live in Oklahoma (aka Most Boring Place On Earth). Unless you like cows and greasy burgers, never come here. I'm in high school, and I currently plan to get into Harvard, be an English Major, visit Europe, and then have six husbands, fourteen children, and an assortment of sheep.
Favorite HP Characters: Ginny, Loony-Tune, The Twins, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Bellatrix, Draco Malfoy, Lily Evans, Severus, Dumbledore, Lord Moldy-Shorts, Sirius, Dung, and FANG!!! Heehee, I would totally be a double-agent for the Order.
Favorite HP Book: This has always been difficult for me, because I change my mind a lot. I hate to do this to you, because I hate when other people do it, but I like them all! I'm reading the series to my dad, and we just started the sixth book. :)
Favorite Ships: I love the idea of Sev and Lily getting together, and I have a dogged determination about it. And, though it's incredibly cliche, and I've made it clear that I HATE cliches, I'm currently knee-deep in Dramione. I think Their Child-of Voldemort's, by Professor Mary is what did it for me. She's very talented.
Favorite Fanfics: One of my big inspirations is Schmerg_the_Impaler; she's brilliant and makes me laugh. Go read her fics NOW! I also like Equinox Chick. There's something about her style that makes my fingers get an itch to write. I'm currently reading Daughter of the Dark Side by Lyra Lestrange (a lovely, irresistible plot) and Calliope and Thalia and Their Inspiration by lucilla_pauie (LOVING IT!).
Favorite Non-HP Books: I love the Casson Series by Hilary McKay, with her simple, ditsy characters that make me laugh! I also like Ballet Shoes by Noel Streatfeild, anything by Roald Dahl, True Grit by Chris Portis, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, Jane Austen's stuff and Lillian Jackson Braune's "Cat Who" series. I tried reading Gone with the Wind, but Scarlett O'Hara just really, REALLY got on my nerves. I hate her smelly guts.
Favorite Movies: The Princess Bride, Funny Girl, Tangled, Lord of the Rings, Zorro, Soul Surfer, My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding, A Streetcar Named Desire, Clue, Fight Club, and many, many, MANY others.
Favorite TV Shows: My mom and I watch Gilmore Girls every night, and my best friend got me way into House at the beginning of the school year. I also love watching The Middle, Monk, and Psych. I practically LIVE on USA Channel. And maybe I watch Wizards of Waverly Place every now and then... so sue me...
Other Fun Facts:
1. I have zero hand-eye coordination, resulting in a very early attraction to books.
2. I'm a bit of a hermit, doing most of my social interaction over the Internet.
3. The only thing I ever got up early for was a trip to Universal Orlando with my mom last June, for obvious reasons.
4. I still believe in Santa Claus.
5. I also believe in the Great Pumpkin.
6. I once spent forty dollars of iTunes giftcards on absolutely nothing but Showtunes.
7. I hold the record for Most Coffee Consumed in a Twenty-Four Hour Period.
8. In math class, when my teacher asks me to find x, I circle it in red and draw an arrow.
10. I skipped number nine.
To Anyone Who Misses Me, Or Thinks I'm Not Completely Deranged:
HI! I miss you guys! I'm sorry I haven't posted anything yet, but I want to work out all the finer points of my next story before I submit it to your scrutiny. No hints, I've decided I change my mind to much to give you any. :P Anyway, I can't believe I didn't tell you guys this before, but I started a blog over the summer! I have three whole subscribers- and two of them are related to me... hee hee...
I'm not really very consistent, because I just am not that kind of person, but you can bet the next time a politician says something stupid or the film industry decides to ruin another book, I'll have something to say about it. If anyone is interested, check it out here: www.theloudmouthmudblood.blogspot.com
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The Dark Lord's Blog by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: What does Lord Voldemort do in his spare time? Well, that's an excellent question. Who would have known that the Dark Lord has a blog? (He also has a loyal following of readers, most of whom are Death Eaters and who post their comments.) Voldemort dispenses advice on everything from murder methods to germ protection to Power Rangers to shoes, and gives an account of the life of an evil overlord. But is he posting too much personal information online? And will Harry read it and find out more about the Dark Lord than Voldemort ever intended? Read and see.
WARNING: Extremely OOC behaviour from almost all.
RUNNER-UP in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Humour fic! Also nominated like 21 times, because apparently my readers are as insane as I am!
Date: 02/14/11 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3: R.A.B. and Romance
Brilliant (as always). I'm loving this! And I can't get the picture of Draco Malfoy wearing eyeliner and a pink Power Rangers costume out of my head...
Uncle Fred Calls Him Dick by MagEd
Rated: 6th-7th Years • Summary: 2008 QSQ Awards Runner-up for Best Post-Hogwarts
Harry defeated Voldemort. Harry married Ginny. Harry and Ginny had five children. Harry disappeared. My name is Lily Potter, and this is the story of what happened when my father returned after six years missing to find my mother about to re-marry. This is the story of myself, my crazy family, and most of all, this is the story of my parents and the man who tried to come between them. (pre-Deathly Hallows)
*Completed*
"Oh, I can so die happy now!" -Sirius Potter
Date: 05/09/11 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2: Aunt Hermione Knows It All
I love how the cousins look out for each other... it reminds me of my friends and me. And Dick is certainly living up to his name. Urgh... frustration! But knowing Harry, he'll burst in at the most awkward moment, and save the world. Because, that's what he does. :)
Date: 05/12/11 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11: Mum Forgot To Remember
I would dearly love to kill him, yes...
Date: 05/12/11 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13: Lily's Perfect Ending
First, let me just say, I really, really, REALLY think there should have been a slip 'n slide- if nothing else, because Ginny did not marry Dick. I had waaay too much fun with the imagery there. Personally, though, my favorite moment in the entire story was when Harry jumps out of his stag form and says, "Now you're gonna explain why you were hitting my son!" because the first thought in my mind was, "Now the Dicky's gonna get his!" I literally almost fell out of my computer chair, I was so happy.
Favorite characters, without a doubt, are Lily, Annie, and Sirius. They really are brilliant little stinkers, to come with a wedding-crash like that. I liked Ginny's memories, too, they really gave me a bit more perspective and sympathy for her than I would have otherwise had. I like the "Peach Paint" incident- clever. :) And no, I'm afraid I have much too much of Hermione in me, but I knew Lily and Harry were not dead. I just knew, because if I wouldn't have the heart to kill those characters, I had faith that you wouldn't either... and maybe I saw the epitaph on accident while I was scrolling...
Hey, what's wrong with novel-length author's notes? I think those are the best kind! :)
Potter's Pentagon: The Five (Book One) by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: WARNING! This story contains a jingle-bell antler headband, a shower of potatoes, boy/girl mushiness, underwear karaoke, family trouble, an excessively adorable werewolf, death, the song "Werewolves of London," betrayal, and the word 'Jordan' five times in a row near the beginning of chapter seven.
Twenty-one years after Voldemort's defeat, five fourth-years are faced with a new threat. Will all of the five stay true to the light side? Will they all emerge whole in the end? Will Jordan Potter ever get a life? You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gasp, you'll sigh! Part one in a trilogy!
Well, after much deliberation and consideration, I've decided to submit my future-gen trilogy! This particular installment is three years old, so it's definitely different from my current writing style, but I'm quite fond of the characters.
DH is disregarded. It's a total coincidence that one of the main characters is named Ted Lupin.
Starring Quicksilver Quills 2008 Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character nominees Ivy Potter, Haley Potter, and Emma Weasley, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin!
Five times nominated (once for each member of Potter's Pentagon!) for the Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards, and nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Awards...
Date: 03/22/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: In Which The Stage Is Set
OMG!!! Awesome story, I just finished it! Funnily enough, my friends at school have similar characters to those of The Five, and I accidentally called one of my friends Ivy by mistake this morning! I've been sort of sad since the series came to an end, but I love what you've done with Potterverse, thanks for making me laugh. :)
Author's Response: Awww, thank you so much! Hahaha, I have some friends that are SOO like some of my characters, but ironically, I met all of them after I'd already written this-- I think I wanted to be their friend because they reminded me of them, actually, haha. Though alas, I still have yet to meet a Tyrone. ;-)
Potter's Pentagon: The Truth (Book Two) by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: This is book two in the "Potter's Pentagon" trilogy. Read "Potter's Pentagon: The Five" first, myesss? Cool.
WARNING: This story contains French people, an internal monologue about a blue orange, adolescent facial hair, good old-fashioned snogging, superstitious truck drivers, a portrait who calls everyone "Mavis," a zoo break-in, some very strange clothes, romantic conflict galore, and Ron Weasley's caffeine addiction. And worst of all, Professor Zabini!
Hogwarts is hosting the Triwizard Tournament, and when one of the members of Potter's Pentagon is selected to represent the school, much excitement ensues. Simultaneously, elections are being held for Minister of Magic, and things are getting busy at the Ministry.
Not to mention the fact that Jordan's made a new Muggle friend without informing her of the itty-bitty fact that he's magical, Haley has found an enchanted diary of dubious origin, Ted's met a werewolf from Beauxbatons, and Emma... well, Emma's not having a good year.
And what exactly is Ivy up to, anyway?
Everyone has secrets. But in the end, the truth will have to come out.
Starring Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character Nominees Ivy Potter, Emma Weasley, Haley Potter, and Giorgi Anderson, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin! Nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Awards!
Date: 03/26/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: In Which Jordan Spends Most of the Chapter Being Surprised
Oh. My. GOSH!!!! (Giorgi moment of the day) I loved this one! I mean, after I heard about the muggle clothes thing in Apple's campaign, and he said he was doing something illegal at his muggle Prime Minister speech, it was kind of obvious (to me, anyway) that he was gonna do magic in front of them, and I kind of figured out the Animagus thing when it said that she was studying Transfiguration, but I feel like an idiot for not guessing about L.E.E.! I mean, it was so obvious! To thing that I, Sarah/georgeisholey, biggest Harry Potter fan in my school, reader of The Lexicon from cover to cover, did not realize that "LEE" might possibly stand for something rather than be a name.... *hides*. (ok, done with Jordan angst). I also am sort of curious... did you get "Mimblewimble" (see end of Ch. 8 In Which Tyrone Does NOT Enjoy Brief Insanity) from The Princess Bride? (Sorry, Vladster is coming out, too observant?) Sorry for talking so much (and my Inner-Haley emerges!) Bye!
P.S. I like Phantom of the Opera, too. :)
Author's Response: Heyyyyo! I am so glad that you liked this! I was kind of trying to make a few of the plot points slightly obvious, because I was trying to distract from Lee's secret, mwahahahaha. "Mimblewimble" is actually from Harry Potter, believe it or not! There's one part where Uncle Vernon mutters something that sounds like 'mimblewimble,' and I thought it was HILARIOUS.
Calliope and Thalia and Their Inspiration by lucilla_pauie
Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Summary: Callie and Lia, a Gryffindor and a Slytherin. A lady and a tomboy. Two opposite souls. Two sisters. Separated at birth by circumstances they are determined to discover... and undo. Yes, after being reunited, the siblings plan to reunite their parents as well. Let’s see them accomplish House Unity, too!
“It’s our rule not to dredge up past things, remember?”
This rule is about to be broken.~Inspired by a worldwide beloved film.
Date: 05/09/11 Title: Chapter 7: So near yet so far
Another great chapter! Yes, we darned Americans came up with s'mores. Aren't you jealous you didn't think of them first? :) I love how Lia started a fire in the middle of a train... in fact, it's the kind of crazy thing I'd do!
Date: 06/22/11 Title: Chapter 21: Mistletoe Mayhem
"Mother and one daughter... father and one daughter..." Is your withholding of names a hint? Or am I just over-thinking this? Dying of curiosity, great chapter! :)
Author's Response: Nope, you are not over-thinking, Sarah darling. *high five!*
Author's Response: Nope, you are not over-thinking, Sarah darling. *high five!*
Author's Response: Nope, you are not over-thinking, Sarah darling. *high five!*
Author's Response: Nope, you are not over-thinking, Sarah darling. *high five!*
Date: 08/01/11 Title: Chapter 23: Yule in the Yucatan
I definitely agree about Belize, it does sound pretty. I also agree about Random Inspiration (which I often fall victim to at two in the morning...) and writing being a Royal Pain in the Butt. One of my favorite authors once said that writing is basically a battle between you and a blank piece of paper, and the paper usually wins. :P
I liked this chapter, and I really liked all the bits with Callie and Lia talking to each other in the loo with their two-way mirrors. Nicely done!
Author's Response: Thanks as ever, Sarah! Your fave author is right, the paper (or the word processor) always wins. Glad you liked this, and forgive the belated response, geez. :D
Date: 08/01/11 Title: Chapter 24: Yule in the Yucatan II
Yay! And aww, how sweet! I liked this one, too. :)
Date: 05/18/11 Title: Chapter 17: ...and apoplectic.
wOw. Can somebody say awkward?? Actually, that totally cracked me up... such painful memories brought to the surface and all. :) Very funny.
Author's Response: It cracked me up, too, while I was writing it. :D Thanks for reading and reviewing, Sarah!
Date: 10/07/11 Title: Chapter 27: Yule in the Yucatan V
Casablanca is amazing! Good chapter, just what I needed after being deprived of the twins for so long. And do I detect that Gred and Forge are connected with Pierra and Pietro by a potion we are all familiar with? Also- awesome mental images with the wrestling mat. Almost died laughing! -Sarah :)
Author's Response: Sarah! So glad you're still there! Thank you for reading and reviewing. Yep, Casablanca is very high up in my favorite movies. You're also right about Gred and Forge. :D
Date: 05/05/11 Title: Chapter 1: Callie
Yes, I do like it... in fact, I love it. I'm absolutely intrigued!
Only Her, Always Her by solemnlyswear_x
Rated: 1st-2nd Years • Summary: Severus Snape had been brewing potions since he was eleven, and had never found one he hated more than Amortentia.
When Severus finds Amorentia brewing in Slughorn's classroom, he thinks of someone he didn't need a potion to remember.
Date: 02/07/11 Title: Chapter 1: Only Her, Always Her
Wow. That was... wow.
Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums: A Potter's Pentagon Love Story by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: A companion piece to the Potter's Pentagon trilogy... it's better if you've read the Potter's Pentagon trilogy, but you don't necessarily have to.
It's five years after Emma Weasley and her chums graduated from Hogwarts. Ted and Ivy are married, Haley is working at Madame Puddifoot's while trying desperately to break into show business, Jordan's doing whatever it is he does, and Emma is an Auror trainee working as a guard at the Chudley Cannons' stadium. The Cannons have actually been doing much better lately, due to their new star Beater, Tyrone Thomas. Unfortunately, Tyrone is Emma's ex-boyfriend. OH, THE AWKWARDNESS.
Follow Emma through her awkward adventures told in her usual insane way, as she experiences angst, hilarity, obnoxiously strange people, misadventures involving a deceptively dashing cad, Haley's wedding, the birth of Ted and Ivy's baby, and her own eventual descent into LURRRVE.
Written for the marvellous Vindictus Viridian's Pride and Prejudice NEWTs class on the Fanfiction Beta Boards, based on Jane Austen's fantastic novel, "Pride and Prejudice.".
Nominated in the 2008 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Non-Canon Romance Story! And its lovely (haha) heroine, Emma Weasley, received two nominations for Best Female Original Character, while Haley Potter and Ivy Potter each received one! Thanks so much, guys!
Date: 03/28/11 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 15: I Now Pronounce You Totally Bonkers
PLEASE DO THE EPILOGUE!!!!!!!!!!
(And I really liked the wedding... it was a riot, the mental image is AWESOME.) :)
Author's Response: OH VRAPTIOUS DAY! CALLOU CALLAY! I got a review! Thanks so much! And I think I will do the epilogue...
Date: 04/13/11 Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 16: One Plus One Equals Three
YAY!! That was really good... and you're right, they SHOULD make those t-shirts, it would be awesome...
Author's Response: Thank you! I know which one I'd wear... Anatoly's...
Date: 06/06/11 Title: Chapter 17: The Big, Fat Epilogue
Aww... great ending! I really, really, REALLY liked this one! Not only do I constantly have dreams (or nightmares) about the Chudley Cannons in their awful orange robes, but niflheim has become part of my vocabulary. It's on my list of favorite words, between redonkulous and inconceivable. :) Well done!
Author's Response: Aiiiieeeee! Thank you so much! I'm sorry to have infiltrated your dreams... INCEPTION, BWAAAAAH.... but this makes me happy! And hey, I love saying 'redonkulous' and 'inconceivable,' too! And obviously Niflheim, but that goes without saying.
Potter's Pentagon: The Past (Book Three) by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: The final installment in the Potter’s Pentagon Trilogy. Read “The Five” and “The Truth” first, myess? Okay!
WARNING! Contains Muggle adventures in Diagon Alley, unusual eyebrows, cheesy clichés galore, psycho Ted, the not-so-lost years of Merlin, a school-wide singalong, the old potato joke, Tyrone’s Princess Bride obsession, Emma’s stubborn denial of the existence of Tyrone’s mustache, a graphic death, a joke shop product as a major plot device, hobo Jordan, Jordan hugging, Jordan pulling pranks, time travel, the Love Shack, angst, and worst of all, Professor Zabini.
It’s the sixth year for Potter’s Pentagon and company, and our heroes learn that in the wizarding world, coming of age has a somewhat weightier significance. Students are busy with an Inter-House Unity Project, Jordan is having weird dreams, Pansy and Ophidias Malfoy have been released from Azkaban, Professor Zabini has a mysterious project of his own, and almost everyone is acting strangely. Meanwhile, at the Ministry of Magic, a man with a vendetta against Ron Weasley is trying his hardest to get him in the biggest trouble possible. Is the only way to save him to travel into the past?
New talents are discovered, new friendships form and old ones change, pasts are dredged up, and, of course, there’s lots of good old-fashioned snogging. And one of the five kills for the first time… while another becomes a casualty of war.
Starring 2008 Quicksilver Quills Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character nominees Ivy Potter, Haley Potter, Emma Weasley, and Giorgi Anderson, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin! Nominated for 2008 Quicksilver Quills Best Post-Hogwarts Story.
Date: 06/18/10 Title: Chapter 28: Epilogue: There And Back Again
Okay, WOW. Was NOT expecting the eyebrow raising. Or, well, anything else. My favorite character, hmmmmmmmm... Probably Haley and Giorgi, since both of them are a bit like me. Haley sings, can't raise one eyebrow, and she wishes people would take her more seriously. Giorgi's wardrobe is insane, and she's not the most popular kid on the block. That's me. Favorite moment.... I'm torn between Ivy and ted kissing in the closet, the April Fools Day joke in book 1, and Haley raising one eyebrow. I expect you're tired of me now, so I'll be quick, but Jordan marries Giorgi, RIGHT? kaybai
Date: 03/27/10 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4: In Which An Old Adversary Slouches Back Onto The Scene
Yay! Lee's in this book too! I was sort of worried that you wouldn't include her in this book... man, I wish my diary gave me advice. :( oh, well. By the way, what is this 'game'? And Tabitha sounds sort of like my little sister, which would be cool if I didn't want to put her in a box and ship her to Cambodia. (My sister, not Tabitha)
Author's Response: Yeah, I didn't want to include TOO much of Haley's dialogue with Lee, because I felt like it might slow down what's going on-- but the 'game' is whether Emma will give into Tyrone's advances or not! Mwahaha. Hint: Emma loses. ;-)