Hi, Pooja. This tidy little story certainly deserves more than one review. It is both vivid, because of its interesting background, and meaty, because of its theme.

What struck me in particular was the progression of Anurag’s character from the early scenes of the story to the later scenes, We can see that he is still the same person, but there has been progress in his maturity, which is logical for a person who has become older and who takes himself seriously. As he matures, he handles his personality quirks better, but he will always be himself. It is insightful of you to show that, even when he no longer worries intensely about failure with his patients, fear of failure in general will always be his point of vulnerability.

In your writing there is a good balance between action and introspection, happy emotions and sad ones. You do a good job in that basic principle “to show rather than to tell”, by using Anurag’s words and actions to indicate how he is feeling, rather than just saying that he is sad or happy.

Although this story is classified as an other-pairing romance, I don’t see it as primarily thus. The romance is a framework or backdrop for the theme of achieving self-understanding, and your choice of title points to this. Reaching “the end of the tunnel” does not equal acquiring perfection or your heart’s desire, but rather it is the arrival at a greater self-understanding. Striving to avoid failure and disappointment can be a strong character asset, so long as Anurag realizes that he will never be perfect and so long as he can forgive himself for his human imperfections.

I very much enjoyed the background of a different culture since I have some ties with both the Indian culture and dengue fever! I will have to read your other stories about these characters also.

I have two suggestions. In the sentence ”It was all uncovered to be a very well-planned scheme for the stealth of organs,” consider replacing ”stealth” with ”theft”, because ”stealth” does not mean ”stealing”, it means ”sneaking around unseen.” The other suggestion, in the matter of style, is to consider combining a few adjacent short sentences into one longer and more complex sentence, and see how that sounds; it may increase the fluidity.

But these suggestions are minor. I very much liked your story just as it is, because it was original and thought-provoking. I can see why you enjoy writing about this character.

Vicki

Author's Response: Hey Vicki!

Wow, you can imagine how pleasantly surprised I was, when I saw a review for this one, and then Face Value. Thank you so very much! I love this character very much, and I get really happy when people pay attention to him. Hehe. :p

This is one of the stories that I wrote for my own satisfaction because I've really troubled Anurag a lot in my story, and then the main story he's in -- 'Where Are You?' there's so much going on, I wasn't able to adequately address all his emotions and thoughts, and I thought I owed him that much.

Well, Anurag was intended to be an immature brat but he's been through so much, he's actually had to change. He's this guy who's had a relatively normal life, and then is put through a meat grinder all of a sudden. Like you have seen in Face Value, he's got a doting mum, and a girlfriend and he's this idiot who can't take a girl doing better than him (ugh, jerk) and then this same girl becomes the centre of his existence and when he loses her, he is forced to grow up. And as a med student myself, I really look up to confident doctors, and I know that we all face this fear of failure in our fields because failure here means death -- literally, so I wanted to show that in the beginning, he's not so sure, and then after he's lost Muskaan, he immerses himself so deep in his career, the failure he fears is about something else. Up to a certain age, everyone's concerned about their professional life, and then we all get oriented to a personal life... if that makes sense lol.

Anurag was one of the OCs I could close my eyes and actually picture, so writing his experssions and behaviour is easier. In fact, now that I write fanfiction for a TV show, I've come to realise the basic difference between writing fanfic for books, as compared to writing your own characters, or writing for a TV show. I was one of the people who read HP before the movies were out so Harry, Ron and Hermione look very different from Dan, Rupert and Emma in my head. In fact, I have an awful sense of imagination that way and I never pictured much of anyone's face in my head at all. So showing rather than telling for them is different. On the other hand, TV characters don't tell you if they're happy or sad. You look at their faces and decipher this. Same for OCs -- I can see them clearly in my head, and that's how I decided that Anurag would pound his fist on the terrace wall and yell at Muskaan.

I'm not sure why I put it in the romance section, as you say. I should, perhaps, change that, because this isn't very romantic -- just minor bits of romance, but not romantic, yes. I don't think Anurag will ever forgive himself for his imperfections, though. He's always critical, always thinking of what he can do better... gosh, I'm talking as though he really exists lol. See how I can be obsessed with my OCs? :p Sorry!

I mostly write Indian culture because that's really the culture I'm most familiar with. ;) And the dengue was a spur-of-the-moment thing. Everyone's always afraid of it.

Ahh... yess, I'll correct that. I know about my sentences. They're awkward sometimes. :) I'll see what I can do about that!

*whispers* I'm actually obsessed with my OCs. But glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for that insightful review! :) ~Pooja

This story was a bit challenging to read, and as moments in Shell Cottage go, it was a little moment, but worthwhile.

At first I thought the voice was just Hermione's during the time when she was being tortured by Bellatrix, but there were odd elements: looking around and seeing four bare walls, no other people. Then seeing a window/mirror that wasn't there a moment ago. Then looking at herself in the mirror. These things didn't happen in Malfoy Manor.

I felt a sense of deja vu when, in the midst of these terrifying events, Hermione sees the humor in comparing her situation to characters in books. Why did that seem familiar, someone taking a break from their present horror for this stray parenthetical thought? Then I realized why; my mind flashed back to the day in Mexico, waiting at the side of the road for the arrival of the ambulance, crying "My God, my God, it hurts, it hurts" but simultaneously assessing what number this level of pain reaches on the Clinical Pain Scale, according to the parameters. Yes, people can think like that. Hermione could.

Then suddenly it is all revealed to be a nightmare, a blend of memories of things that actually happened and metaphors for what those things meant. Like a miracle, in an instant, in the blink of an eye, Hermione is transported from total disaster, the brink of death, to total safety and enfolding love.

It is completely believable that after her harrowing experience at Malfor Manor, Hermione cannot bear to be parted from Ron. I am reminded of accounts of families who have experienced some major disaster and afterwards feel compelled to sleep all together, huddled next to one another on the living room floor with all the lights on.

The writing is lush, but not too much so. The whole story is summed up in the final line; that's the short version. The rest of the story is the elaboration of those thirteen words, but it avoids repetiton, and each paragraph manages to provide something new and unique. If this is a story that was just dashed off in a brief span of time between classes, that's impressive.

Author's Response: Yes, that's why I'm usually wary about writing those moments. There's plenty of space where you can fill the blanks but, oftentimes, I don't think I'd be able to write a coherent enough story to fit that space. So thanks for the comment on that!

I'm also glad that you picked up on the nightmare, since that was supposed to be the segue into Shell Cottage. I didn't know if I had made it 100% clear that was going on and was an aftermath of the torture, but if one person picks up on that then I think that's fine. It's even better that others interpreted it differently. As for the length, I just can't seem to write anything long without it just falling to pieces. It's probably because I can only really fire off a story in a few sittings and after that I lose focus.

Either way, thanks for the review! (I'm sure you'd like the thematically similar Six Days at the Bottom of the Ocean, by the way.... just shillin' here)

Hi, H.H. This is Vicki of Slytherin House, commenting on your poem. It is a good poem, and I sure hope that you take heart from your reviews and keep up with the writing.

One thing I like about your poem is the recognition of the emotions that Sirius had during the Sorting process. In the books we see Sirius as an older teenager or a grown man, and we tend to forget that he started at Hogwarts as an eleven-year-old boy, as unsure and nervous as any of them. You describe him as anxious, frightened, shaking with anticipation, and yet exhilarated. All of this makes perfect sense. The image is intensified by your description of his actions, gripping the stool and trembling, shaking his head (apparently not daring to whisper to the hat).

I like your recognition that in the moment before the Hat renders its decision, time seems to stand still; it must be that way for many students when the Hat does not shout out an instant decision, as it did for Draco, for example. By the way, your line there says Time hung still all; is that what you meant, or did some words get transposed?

Since Gryffindor is the House of the brave, it is quite appropriate for you to feature this quality in your poem. You have the Hat giving voice to ideas that Sirius had not dared to give words to before, that he wanted to defy his family, even though that would carry frightening consequences. When the Hat says, “You’re just afraid, but I know where you belong,” the Hat is acknowledging that courage is not merely the absence of fear, but the will to forge ahead in spite of fear. It seems that Sirius understands that at the end, when he no longer doubts that he belongs in the House of the brave.

There is a lot of meat packed into this little poem. You have done a good job.

Author's Response: Hi Vicki! Thank you so much for your review. It means a lot- made my day. :) I forgot I had uploaded this until I saw your review, so I'm going to have to guess that some words got transposed or I made a careless mistake. I have continued with writing, much thanks to the awesome people who leave reviews, but none of it has been HP fanfic. The time and thought you put into this review is just amazing, thanks again! H.H.

Hi, Ken. This is Vicki of Slytherin House, making some general comments on your almost-completed story, rather than waiting for the last few chapters to be posted.

What stands out to me most prominently is your narrative structure, a story that proceeds at a rapid pace, covering many years in a relatively short span of words. The tale is crammed full of events, so that the story line proceeds briskly, never bogging down. It consists almost entirely of what the characters say and do, with little description or reflection of people’s inner thoughts, and the conversations are not extended. You are giving us the bare bones, or as Sgt. Joe Friday (you know who he was) would say, “Just the facts, Ma’am.” This is by no means meant as a criticism; it is just one style of telling a story. If each of the scenes in your story were expanded to its fullest, your word-count would rival that of War and Peace.

I notice that you have many story lines going simultaneously, such as Minnie/Linus, Rose/Scorpius, Harry/Hermione, Luna/Ginny, and so on, but it works because the characters are all interrelated and constantly communicating with one another. So in the end it seems like all one story, and every event depicted impels the plot forward. That is good.

Some specific thoughts:

Linus and Minnie are refreshingly sensible for teenagers/twenty-somethings, and they make generally good decisions and treat each other reasonably. I enjoy reading, at least occasionally, about characters who can learn from the mistakes of others and do not have to learn everything the hard way.

I liked your treatment of post-Hogwarts higher education for young witches and wizards. My impression is that traditionally wizards and witches had little contact or interaction with Muggles, but it is reasonable to assume that that barrier is slowly breaking down. JK Rowling has stated that there were no wizarding universities, although some some authors have posited that there were, so it is logical to propose the existence of a transitional program for Hogwarts graduates who wish to take advantage of what Muggle universities have to offer. I think that traditionally the wizarding community relied on on-the-job training, apprenticeships, or the school of hard knocks, such as in the case of Fred and George, who opened their joke shop without the benefit of any formal business training. So I very much enjoyed your description of Millie’s on-the-job training for an Advocate career. It was well spelled out and gave me a much better idea of how the system worked.

You have depicted Luna as a very strong character, running a successful publishing business after her father’s death and generally being a rock of support for the people around her. I find it very plausible that she would develop in this way during her mature years.

I am glad that you have introduced Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome as an explanation for Ginny’s dysfunctional behavior. It makes a lot of sense that she and many other survivors of the second wizarding war and the Battle of Hogwarts would be thus afflicted. In a much less drastic way, I used the same idea in my story The Baby In The Closet to discuss the concept that early traumatic experiences produce effects that echo down the years in ways that the victim does not recognize or understand. Life in general is not easy, marriages break up with dismal regularity, and Linus and Minnie probably don’t appreciate how lucky they are.

I am looking forward to your final chapters of this story, and I would encourage you to consider something a little different for your next story, a more detailed treatment of a smaller scope of narrative, simply because it is good to try to stretch ourselves by attempting something new. I did that when I tried to write romance in Beloved Son and adventure in The Hogwarts Storm, and was pleasantly surprised by the results. Write on!

Hi Abby,
I read your story when it was brand new and didn't have any reviews yet, and I meant to review it, but didn't get around to doing that until now. I figured you had some personal connection to Menkes disease since it is rare, but we're never wrong in writing about what we have experience with. Actually, it's not impossible for Lily to have this disease. A previous reviewer mentioned that Lily would have to receive one defective gene from Harry, but that does not mean that Harry would necessarily have the disease himself (although he has only one X chromosome) because about one-third of all cases of Menkes disease arise as the result of spontaneous mutations, from a parent who has no familial history of the disease. In plain language, a perfectly normal and healthy Harry produces (by spontaneous mutation) a defective sperm cell which fertilizes a egg cell with a defective gene, produced by Ginny (who has no inkling that she carries a recessive mutated gene), and voila! you have a female baby with Menkes disease. Not all the mutations are alike; some disrupt the metabolism of copper more than some others do, so you can have victims with varying life spans. It is possible, but rare, to live beyond the age of ten.
But this is a writing forum, not a science education forum. And I congratulate you for being gutsy enough to write something and post it for all of us to read. I'll bet that the more you write, the better you will get. At least, I hope that that will be true for me. When I read something that has fluid and graceful prose (not necessarily whiz-bang action, just well-crafted sentences and paragraphs), I like to study carefully what makes it so, and then try to revise my own paragraphs to have more of that quality. It takes time.
Wishing you lots of luck.

Hi, Abi. I am here to comment on your story again as it develops, and I must say you are doing a fine job. Ellie has already commented extensively on your story's virtues, so I won't repeat anything except to say that I agree with everything she said.
I love that your dialogue is really very natural, not obviously striving to be "stylish" (which gets annoying rather quickly). The characters are well-developed, each with a variety of characteristics; no one seems to be a one-note personality.
And I love that your story seems to have a story arc; in between the sections of dialogue, stuff is happening which seems to be co-ordinated toward some future goal (which we do not see yet, but we believe that it is there.) Sometimes I read stories where the dialogue goes on and on, beating the same few points into the ground, while very little happens plot-wise, and my fingers itch to take a blue pencil and cut the manuscript way down, to make it tighter. I don't feel that way about your story at all; you have struck a good balance between dialogue and action, between taking the time to develop a scene or idea well, while also moving the story along at a good pace.
I also like the fact that you depict all your characters (except maybe Victoire) as sensible, thoughtful people who are ruled as much by their heads as by their guts. (And I don't mean that as a criticism of how you depict Victoire; it's okay to have one character like that because there really are a few people like that in the world, just not an entire cast of characters like that.)
Stories about people who are constantly behaving against their own best interest can get boring after a while (at least in my mind), so I find your story very refreshing. I am looking forward to the rest of this story, and hope we won't have to wait long!

Vicki

Author's Response: Hi, Vicki =) Thank you so much for such a lovely review! I've been sat here for about five minutes trying to write coherent sentences because I'm squeeing too much. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story, and I promise there won't be such a long gap between updates from now on. Thank you again for taking the time to read my fic and for leaving a lovely review as well =) ~Abi~

A problem that exists in many families, no doubt. Who is the winner and who is the loser. It will be interesting to see how you resolve this.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review =) I hope you'll keep reading to find out how I resolve it =) ~Abi~

An interesting story with lots of details that really bring the milieu of St. Mungo's vividly to life. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this story.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm very much looking forward to posting it! :D

I liked this story very much. It is gracefully written, and the many details flesh out the depiction of the character of Hannah's mother. In this world there are probably many mothers like her; they are not flamboyant, but they are what keep the world going.

Author's Response: That reminds of a quote I have up on my wall: "Women hold up half the sky." I guess this doesn't account for all the mothers who hold up three and a half skies at once...

I like this one. The contrast of the tiny, perfect, innocent world inside the snow globe and the broken and flawed world outside. In the midst of trouble, we all wish that we could be in some peaceful, protected place where things go right. Good job.

Author's Response: Thank you. :) I really appreciate your thoughts. I totally agree with you- I sometimes wish for that world, too. But then I think that if it was always peaceful, I might not really appreciate it...