"You weren't there after you left last night." "No kidding? There's a profound statement."
Love that line :-) I also thought the dialogue between Percy and Laura at the end of the chapter was really good. It's good to see that you're making Percy... human. Talking about his girlfriend, having a little bit of humour, stuff like that. All too often he's a completely boring character. Good job :-D

Lots of dialogue again. Once again, I have to comment on how natural it sounds and how it really helps to move the plot along at this point. It's good that you've used that instead of lots of boring past tense from Laura's mind. I do find, though, that when you have them talking for a long time without saying who is saying what, I get a bit lost. Throwing a few 'I said', 'he exclaimed', 'she cried' or whatever in there wouldn't hurt.

But overall, good chapter again :-)

~ Chelsea

Author's Response: I agree that there are points in this story when it would make things easier on readers if I threw in more \"I said\" \"he said\"s. It just seemed so obvious to me which person is talking when I was writing the dialogue. ;-)\r\n\r\nThanks for the review.

Great chapter again. I really liked the idea of the mirror shop - sounds like a place I'd love.

A couple of typos to point out:
"No. You don't hate me anyone and want to be friends, right?"
Should be anymore not anyone.

"He breath smelled heavily of chocolate."
His breath, not he breath.

"We though we were going to be late," Wood said, nicely.
We thought, not we though.

It's so nice that you're showing that Hagrid is friends with other students around the school. You portray him as a good mentor and someone who's very... solid in Laura's life, it seems to me. He always there for support.

Good job, once more. I'm thoroughly enjoying this story, it's so good to see minor characters and OCs fleshed out really well - that's what I really love about fanfiction.

~ Chelsea


Author's Response: Thanks very much for the review and for pointing out the typos. Sorry it took me so long to respond!

Another good chapter, kaammini. I love the beginning and end in particular, you've characterised the twins brilliantly.

Just one thing though: I think you mean 'je ne sais pas' (meaning 'I don't know') or 'je ne sais quoi' ('I don't know what' - that's the real phrase).

Otherwise, good job again :-D

Author's Response: Thank you! I\'ve always found the twins such fun characters to write! I\'ve been told about the je ne sais pas thing before so I will definately check it out! Thanks for reviewing :)

Good chapter, again. Lupin rapping... that's a very original idea!
But, when Tonks said "he called today..." ...as in telephoned called? They don't have phones in the wizarding world, do they? Maybe you can clarify that.
I'm looking foward to the next chapter. Keep up the good work :-D

Author's Response: I will look into that - thank you for picking it up for me! Next chapter to come soon. Thanks again for reviewing :)

Hey Sunray!

I really like this story so far. Your characters are quite interesting and the plot is good: I loved the conflict that occurred based on Alex's misunderstanding, that was very clever. I'm also very interested to see how the promise Alex made ties into it all.

The main issue with this fic would have to be detail. The chapters are short, which is not a bad thing in itself, but I really feel that you could flesh this story out a bit more. Some subplots and more backstory for the secondary characters could help, and perhaps you could try to do more than simply describe the events. For example, adding in some small touches of description of the setting could really anchor this fic at Hogwarts and bring it to life. The writing seems to be mostly dialogue and narration, with very little description. Of course, you don't want to bog it down, but I think it needs some balance and detail. You have improved on this in later chapters, though. The scene where they met Iris outside Hagrid's hut (complete with Fang!) definitely improved my feel for the setting and made it much more like a HP book.

The structure is good, though: you use the first couple of chapters to provide a few details on the characters, and then build up plotlines based on them.

The ending of chapter 2 stood out to me: "With a fake cocky grin he moved his Queen. Right out of danger." It's a nice metaphor, showing that he's not within Rose's grasp. That was a simple yet effective end to the chapter.

Gosh, Charlie almost works the Quidditch team harder than Oliver! I like it - the insane captain character can provide lots of entertainment. Just as long as he's not a replica of Wood - but your Charlie does have a bit more of a sense of humour than pure Oliver zealousness! You've slipped some good Weasley traits into Charlie - he's very believable.

You seem to have left a few of your beta's notes in in Chapter 6 ;). Things like [delete me] made me do a double take...

I love the little bits of humour you put in (like Charlie kicking out the fangirls at the Quidditch practice ;p). They provide a bit of balance to the angsty/romance parts, and make the characters and story more believable.

Rose and Alex's relationship is nice: they're such good friends, and there's lots of little details that show how close they are: "[he] tickled her elbow – an old joke, the source of which she could not remember...". The reader can really feel the fragility that exists now that Rose's feelings have changed and she doesn't want to upset the delicate balance. I think you do a great job of showing her emotions - I can relate to her feelings and the fact that she wants to protect herself from pain. You evoke all the angst and gossip and relationship issues of high school really well (especially in the opening of chapter 4!) :)

Remember, if you're adding speech tags (like 'he said') after a piece of dialogue, don't capitalise he or she, even if it was a question. There were a few issues with that, mainly in earlier chapters.

There are also a couple of instances of Americanisms, as other reviewers have pointed out - perhaps you could get a British beta to look over it to help you out?

I can really see your writing improving as the fic progresses! This story has great potential, so I'm looking forward to reading more :D I hope Rose and Alex get a happy ending!

-- Chels

I'd like to read the Travelogue Trilogy. Can you tell me where to find it? Thanks :-)

I love it! This is sooo funny. Your portrayal of the characters is brilliant in that believable-but-hilariously-ludicrous-at-the-same-time way. Just some of my favourite bits are: Voldemort being allergic to nuts, an eagle or a phoenix, what everyones doing especially Malfoy noting the tacky figurines, the suggesions with the Horcrux references, the Scrabble Champion thing, and the fact that the Death Eaters have meetings and social events like that.
This is genius, Starmom! I love it (again)!

Love how you used the line from the song at the end! Absolutely love it!

I really like the whole story, too: very sweet and sad considering we know what happens next, of course. Some nice humourous lines in there and the characters are very likeable. I found I could really relate to Katie at the beginning of the first chapter, and I like how you gave Mrs Diggory a bit of depth, too. Only thing I didn't really like in this fic was Cedric's occassional sarcastic comments. Given his image as a nice guy I would think of him saying things in a lighter, joking tone, not so heavily sarcastic. But I guess that's just a personal opinion.

Overall, though, I like this fic a lot. Great work :-)

Well, first off, the titile of this chapter is great :-) The next one is, too 'in which havoc is wreaked'. I hope that chappie gets validated soon.

So...some comments for this chapter:

~ It's great how you had the ball and then a bit of a twist. I think that's very much like JKR's style, you've got a nice balance of their school lives plus the imminent danger of some villain all throughout the fic.

~ I liked how you mentioned that Hermione was always business-like at Hogwarts, even to her own daughter. That seems quite realistic to me, I think you've got her characterisation just right. The bit where she sticks her head in and informs Ron that he was trying not to cry was good, too. Ron's behaviour in that passage was very him as well.

~ “Jordan’s not the only one here who’s ‘a beast’ and ‘fantastic,’” commented Ted with a mock pout, holding up his Care of Magical Creatures textbook. “Look, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Werewolves are on page 41!”

Author's Response: I\'m really glad that you thought I pulled off the balance of dark-ness and happiness well... I was trying to get the tone of the story to sound like it fits into the Potterverse. ^_^

Okay...what happened... it put up my review twice, but only half of it!... If it's still there now anyway... I tried to delete it but it didn't seem to work...
Anyway, what I was going to say was I liked that Ted bit, he reminds me a lot of Remus and it's good to see him getting funny lines (and coping well with his werewolfism...yes I made up a word...I can't think of the real word...)

~ I also liked the bit with Edwin saying he has more charisma than the stiff weedy head boy, he seems a bit like Percy but way way funnier.

~ And I was glad that Emma started to feel sorry for what she said to Tyrone. Also the fact that she can do a Patronus and noticed the Invisibility Cloak really showed that she's an Auror's daughter and niece. I'm pretty sure Invisibility Cloak is meant to have capitals though, which you didn't do, so you might want to check that.

I'm looking forward to reading more. Keep up the good work :-)

Cirelondiel

Author's Response: Harhar, I like to say \"Werewolfism\" and \"werewolfyness,\" because the real word, \'lycanthropy,\" sounds like a cleaning product or something. I didn\'t know Invisibility Cloak was capitalised... for some reason, I only thought it was capitalised when it was talking about the cloak that\'s one of the three Deathly Hallows. I\'m going to have to check on that! Thanks!