Wow... I'm not quite sure what to say.
This poem was so powerful that I can't even begin to describe it - but I think the last line say it all.
Great job.
- Katie
Author's Response: THANKS! =D
Oh wow. Oh wow oh wow oh wow. That was awesome! I don't usually like poetry, but this poem really was good.
HILARIOUS!
(Name): Katie.
(Age): Teenager.
(Circle your blood status): Pureblood, Half-blood, Muggle
(Address): Not on the Internet!
(Sex. Please resist the temptation to pick more than one): M F Yes, please.
(Year of Hogwarts Graduation): . . . .
(House Affiliation): Gryffindor with Slytherin Tendencies.
(Wand type and size. No, not that "wand"): Oak, 12 inches, Phoenix feather core.
(In your own words, describe how you feel [i.e., hate] about Muggles and Mudbloods, and why you wish to serve me for all eternity): Well, I really don't want to die for being a Muggle, so I'm joining you.
And I know a plastic surgeon who could put your nose back and give you coloured contacts. : )
- Katie *is only kidding, but wondering what Volders would say if he saw that*
Author's Response: Well, he\'d first want to know how a Muggle could serve him, then I think he might be pleased to know that he could finally get a nose, lol.
This is really good. I hope you write more of it soon!
Wow, Megan, great job capturing Sirius's emotions! The several flashbacks were written realistically, and your "experiments" with writing style really paid off.
Well done!
- Katie
Author's Response: Oh, thanks, Katie. I\'m glad you liked it (especially about the flashbacks, as I was hoping they worked well enough).
Sirius extends his thanks, as well. ;)
~Megan
I saw you say somewhere (on a review, I think) that this was your favourite story that you had written so far. So, naturally, I read it.
After doing so, I proceeded to do the classic headdesk for not reading it sooner. (I now have a terrible headache.)
My favourite paragraph (though it was terribly hard to decide):
I’d like to take this opportunity to educate you about the platypus. A monotreme–that’s a creature with characteristics of a mammal, bird, and reptile–and a denizen of Australia, they look fairly cuddly, but if you’re fooled by them, then you’re wrong. Dead wrong. You see, platypi have venomous spurs on their hind feet, and they’re not afraid to use them.
For some reason, the style of this really appealed to me. The entire story (one-shot though it may be) was both distinctively you and, at the same time, very different than what I am used to seeing.
Great job!!!
-Katie
P.S. Platypi??? That is my new favourite word. :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your lovely review, Katie! I had fun writing this story, because it\'s so surreal and random. And I had to put in the platypus... I mean, dude, platypi are the best. ^_^ I still have a platypus beanie baby lying around somewhere. She\'s purple.
Normally, fics like this where Ginny has an eating disorder aren't pulled off well. 'To Achieve Perfection', however, is done flawlessly, and written so realistically that it could have been canon.
I'll be sure to read the next chapter! :)
- Katie
Author's Response: Thank you so much.
I liked the article at the beginning – nice way to summarise what happened in the last chapter.
Jordan… smiled? 0_0 Wow… maybe he’s not so emo after all.
“Right, but Jordan’s an Occlumens,” Harry answered calmly, now stuffing a belt buckle that he never wore (it was shaped like a hippogriff and had been given to him as a gift) into his trunk.
Nice belt buckle. *smirk*
No one who spends that much time on a Muggle invention like a computer would ever be an Overseer.”
Wait… so Jordan goes on the computer? Do we find out how that works? ‘Cause electronics don’t work at Hogwarts, remember. And what’s he doing on there, anyway? (You know, I shouldn’t even bother asking, you’re probably going to make me wait until Book 3 to find out. It can’t hurt, though, right?)
Haley can see Thestrals. That might come in handy later, am I right? ;)
Whoa. Ivy and Jordan are a lot alike when it comes down to it – they both have guilt, they both have secrets… and Jordan almost told us what happened in the Final Battle, but you cut him off!
GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[/excessive punctuation]
I LURVED the Albus Dumbledore Award – he really deserves an award in his name. And the fact that it was last ‘Potter’s Eight’ and it’s now ‘Potter’s Five’ getting the awards is a great tie-in.
I dunno if this was done on purpose, but in Jordan’s speech he really reminds me of Harry, with the whole “We just did what anyone else would have done” and the “My friends are great” bits. But the part where he apologised and called himself a ‘git’ and put the whole thing into perspective was awesome.
“With its spinny chair?” Haley asked eagerly.
“Yes, with its spinny chair,” Harry clarified. “Especially that.”
Heh. I LURVE spinny chairs! In fact, I'm on one right now! WHEEEEEE!!!!!! xD
My jaw quite literally DROPPED when I read the part about the Triwizard Tournament. I can’t wait to see what you come up with for tasks – and who’s picked! (My money’s on either Jordan or Haley. Probably Jordan.)
Heh: ‘Hoo’s On First.’ Incidentally, have you read a novel called “The Westing Game,” because in it is a Chinese restaurant called ‘Hoo’s On First.’
And as for my favourite OC of yours: Haley. Just because I’m almost exactly like her (hyper, insane when under the influence of sugar, good at thinking up plans, slightly odd fashion sense…)
My least favourite would have to be Tyrone – it kills me to say this, but to be brutally honest, he seems a bit Stu-ish to me. He’s handsome, his mother just died, he’s popular… Even though Emma keeps rejecting him, he just seems too perfect for me. I’m sorry.
Overall, Schmergo, GREAT chapter! I’ll be sure to stick around for the next two books! :)
- Katie
Author's Response: KATIEEE! YAAAY!
Actually Jordan\'s love of computers is very important in book 2, as you will shortly see. I believe that, like his guitar, he has managed to adapt it to run off of magical energy instead of electricity. This is probably illegal, but he\'s a man desperate.
I made Jordan a bit like Harry in that speech on purpose... they are very alike and very unalike in different ways. AND I LOVE SPINNY CHAIRS, TOO! AND I\'M ON ONE AS WEELLLL!
You shall seeee who\'s in the Tournament!
And... ZOMG, you\'ve read THE WESTING GAME? That\'s like one of my favourite books! It has a fabulous, fabulous plot.
I see what you mean about Tyrone... he\'s quite two-dimensional in this one. Luckily, he\'s more developed as the trilogy continues, but I did kind of *want* him to be a Stu in this one. I could have done him a lot better, though.
Awwwwwwww!
Fluffy chapter! With an angsty end! ^_^
I loved this chappie! It flowed easily from happy and cheerful (the dance) to dark and foreboding (Malfoy on the grounds).
And the romances are heating up... ^_^
Great job (yet again), Schmergo!
- Katie
Author's Response: Katie, you are such a lovely person! ^_^ You review all of my stories so prettifully... I\'m glad the happy and dark balance out, because that\'s what I was trying to go for. I don\'t like TOO much of either.
0_0
You've been rejected? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS!?! WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?!?!?!?!? WHY AM I USING SO MUCH CAPS LOCK AND PUNCTUATION!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Well, it's KATIE TO TEH RESCUE!
(In other words, if you want me to, I'll take a look at it.)
Um... not spam... hm... I love this story? (What, I'm tired.)
- Katie, RESCUER OF FICS AND LOVER OF CAPS LOCK
Author's Response: I have been rejected for the PLOT. I can\'t change the plot! It builds over the three books! It makes me bleh!
This really surprised me, Schmergo. When I think of your stories, I think of laughing really really REALLY hard for the rest of the day. This fic, however, shows that you are a GREAT writer, no matter WHAT you are writing, humour or otherwise!
Fantastic job!!!
-Katie
P.S. I think I am rather like Haley... I'm ALWAYS hyper. ^-^
Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much, Katie! I wrote this story when I was... well, I started at age twelve and finished when I was thirteen, so I\'m glad you still think it\'s good.
Schmergo, I just thought of something. What if you had a twin named Schmergo? Then there would be twice the fantastic writing, twice the humour… and you wouldn't be Schmergos, you'd be Schmergi. :D
*putting down the caffeine*
Anyways, onto the actual review! (Yes, there is one.)
First of all, I was really surprised at Jordan almost making it into Slytherin - I never would have suspected that. And the way you showed how Jordan saw the Final Battle was fantastic, but at the same time I *really* wanted to see your version of what happened. (I was a bit disappointed by the lack of epic-ness of the *actual* Final Battle.)
The comparison that Hermione makes between Harry and Dumbledore is brilliant, as well - I loved the twinkle in Harry's eye, and I always kind of wanted him to take Dumbledore’s place.
“Mad? I’m not mad,” said Jordan quietly, and Ted looked surprised. “Why,” Jordan continued, “I’m FURIOUS! ENRAGED! LIVID! I’m INCREDIBLY IRATE! I’m EXTREMELY ANGRY!” Ted couldn’t help but wonder if his friend had a thesaurus inside his brain
That made me laugh out loud – it’s like Caps Lock!Harry all over again! With better vocabulary!
And the prank at the end was hilarious! I pulled a Haley (I’m going to say that all the time now – heh.) and FELL OFF MY CHAIR laughing!
Though the bit about Jordan at the end was definitely enough to make me stop laughing (if only for a moment) and feel bad for him.
Hiilariously fantastic chapter – can’t wait for the next one!
- Katie
Author's Response: Haha, Schmergi! I have a friend who calls me Schmergie... (Or \'Mergi,\' which I think is possibly the dumbest name, uh, ever.)
Ohh, you will DEFINITELY see my version of the Final Battle in graphic detail... but remember that this a trilogy, and it won\'t be anytime too soon. But I personally loved the canon one, although mine is totally different.
Yeah, Jordan is suspiciously similar to Harry in several ways... but he\'s also really different from him, as is EXTREMELY obvious. Poor Jordan doesn\'t realize his dad was almost in Slytherin himself... I had an inordinate amount of fun making up pranks. My favourite was the potatoes. ^_^
SCHMERGOOOOO!
I'm listening to 'The Scarlet Pimpernel' right now -- my CD finally came! :D [/spam]
So, here's some ways to get this past the mods:
1. Blackmail the mods.
2. Email them and ask how you can change it.
3. Write an Author's Note explaining that you *have* to have the Internet in your fic.
4. Replace the Internet with something else -- enchanted mirrors? Owls? Enchanted paper? You could have some fun with this.
5. Offer them cupcakes.
6. Force them to listen to the Head-On commercial on repeat until they approve you. (OH, THE HORROR!)
Hope that helps some!
- Katie *listens to Terrance Mann* *applauds*
P.S. Chapters two and three of "Becoming Extraordinary" are up -- they're dreadful rubbish, but thought you ought to know.
Author's Response: KATIEEEE! ^_^ Terrence Mann should definitely play Snape in a Harry Potter musical, I think.
I heard from Julie, and I HOPE I can get the story through queue. I\'m resubmitting it later today. (I couldn\'t use anything enchanted, because Jordan uses the internet to communicate with a Muggle friend who doesn\'t know he\'s a wizard. Yep.)
*WILL DEFINITELY READ BECOMING EXTRAORDINARY*
Your list made me giggle, though!
It just occurred to me that I’ve never reviewed this chapter, even though I’ve read it a squintillion times. We can’t have that. *shakes head*
First of all, the way you just kind of jumped into a pretty pivotal scene BLOWS MY TINY BRAIN. It was great. And I loved how you gave us the immediate feeling of “it’s a normal day, but something really dramatic and terrible just happened that we won’t know unless we keep reading.” Perfect.
Then the way you just kind of started describing Number Seven, Gryffin Circle of Godric’s Hollow was great — actually, it reminded me of something JKR might do. The way you talked about the “cluttered and scattered with photographs” house that “gave off an aura of warmth and homeliness” was fantastic. Plus, I liked the fact that it “always seemed crowded.” It really sounds like Harry and Ginny’s house.
“There’s a cloud over there that look like an octopus strangling a walrus,” Ted commented, pointing overhead. Ha. That sounds like something my friends or I would say… you’ve done a really good job throughout this book of making everyone sound their age (fifteen). It’s all so realistic.
Ted is a really great character… one thing I’ve noticed that you did, probably without even meaning to, is take a stereotype and then give it a twist to make your own OC. With Ted you took the “optimistic nice guy” and turned him into the “EXCEEDINGLY optimistic nice guy with a beast of a persona ( ^_^ ) and a ‘furry little problem.’ ” I really like Ted… he seems like a person I’d want to be friends with.
Ivy is a play on the “quiet, shy girl” in the way that she is the “quiet, shy girl with a trauma-filled past and a brave streak.” She actually sounds a lot like me, now that I think about it… (I’m quiet in RL, and the rest bodes true, except for the ‘brave’ thing. I’m scared of the dark, as well as almost everything else.) BUT ENOUGH ABOUT BORING OL’ ME! I’m interested to see her development, considering what happens in Chapter Nine… how will she handle that in the second book? I got a taste in Chapter Ten, but I want the whole bowl.
Why am I getting the feeling that you are meant to be Haley? ^_^ No, really, I like Haley most of all. She’s so HYPER! (I’m hyper OL and occasionally in RL. Give me sugar and I go insane.) Anyway, she’s kind of the “hyper” person who becomes a “hyper and fun-loving, yet also surprisingly brave and logical, as well as rather rash with decisions” person. (I got the last three traits from Chapter Nine… I thought the thing with her trying to kill Jordan was REALLY an “I wasn’t thinking!” moment.) And I, too, love public singing. Tonight at dinner I burst out with a lovely and random (plus one octave up) rendition of “Into The Fire” when asked what I had been listening to so much. ^_^
Jordan is a play on the “emo git” who is really more of a “secretly very artistic emo only-slightly git with a reason for being so and a genius to boot” person. I can really relate to Jordan — I’m not the darkest, nor am I a constant git, but the way you wrote him appeals to that side of me. Out of the five, he’s the one I’d go out with. *is slightly boy crazy* I really like the way he interacts with his friends and family here… he’s all… Jordan. That’s the only way I can describe it.
Emma is the one person out of the Five who’s personality seems less set-in-stone. We don’t see as much of her in this book, and I’d really like to see more of her in the two to come… She seems like a really good and loyal friend, too. Emma also seems to have inherited her mother’s talent, along with her father’s temper. ^_^ I love the fact that you took Ron (who was never really described as handsome) and Hermione (who was always described as plain) and gave their child beautiful looks. I’d always wanted that to happen.
Ivy’s reaction to Malfoy’s breakout was perfect and believable. I also liked the fact that you took the two main approaches to tragedy — panic and shock/sadness — and showcased them by two different characters, Ivy and Jordan, in one paragraph. I especially liked the line: He sounded as though trying his very best to keep himself from running around yelling and throwing very expensive and breakable objects. That, despite the seriousness of the situation, made me chuckle. Something about your matter-of-fact wording…
I loved seeing Harry’s POV on the whole Malfoy situation — and that bit really put some things into perspective (Malfoy would go after Ivy, he wanted revenge on Ron, etc.). The part about him not ever seeing Malfoy as a Dark Lord really made me think… I never saw Malfoy as a Dark Lord, but something about your fic convinced me that it was possible.
Harry adopting Ivy was written excellently — he wanted to take his mind off of the Final Battle, so he focused on her. Then, rather than immediately jumping to the conclusion of adopting Ivy, he thought it through first. Kudos to you for showing us his thought process and therefore making it MUCH more realistic.
- Katie
P.S. I made a quiz to see what member of the Five you are! PM or email me for the link.
P.P.S. I am the 200th review! WOOT!
P.P.S. This review is 961 words long — I could submit it to MNFF as a fic! :o It’s the longest review I’ve ever written.
Author's Response: Wow! This is an insanely long review! I did kind of develop the characters from original \"types,\" and they\'re still fairly flat in this installment. We\'ll see a bit more 3D portrayal of them in the next two books.
It\'s funny about Haley... I share a lot with her (like the hyperness, the shortness, the singing and dramatic-ness, the impetuosity), but unlike me, she\'s really girly and loves pink and \'squeals\' and \'chirps\' everything, which isn\'t like me at all.
I share a lot with both Haley and Jordan, so I think it\'s a bit interesting that they\'re such polar-opposite characters!
As well as her lovely traits like cleverness and bravery and athleticism, Emma also inherited her father\'s emotional immaturity and her mother\'s irritability, and she\'s a bit obsessed with the concept of free will and making her own decisions-- you see more of that later. But she is a very flawed character... I still like her, though.
Ooh! Me wants to see the quiz! And whoa, 200 reviews! Crazy!
ZOMGSQUEEDALOPEDIAROMANCEAHOY!!!!!!!!
*Ahem.*
Anyway, just felt like leaving a review on an unvalidated chapter. *hides from Mods*
Oh, and this is a really pointless question, but if you had to ship yourself with one of these OCs, who would you pick? I myself would pick Jordan.
*notice's Schmergo's dropped jaw*
What??? I like him. He's all... angsty and stuuf (yes, that typo was intentional.), and that's cool to me for some odd reason. ^_^
- Katie
Author's Response: Hehehehe, I have ALWAYS liked Jordan! I would love to be best friends with Ted, and I would love to ogle Tyrone shamelessly, but I would probably pick Jordan. I like smart guys!
Although in the third installment of the trilogy, there is a guy character who I REALLY like. *Zips lips*
Schmergo -
That cliffhanger is EVIL!!! Poor Ted! But who's out to get him? Hm...
The description of Ted's transformation was well done... thanks to all the details, I felt like I was Ted transforming.
Also, the scene with Blaise and Hermione was written very in-character (for everyone), something that a lot of authors couldn't have pulled off.
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
- Katie
Author's Response: Thank you! I hoped I conveyed how Ted felt...I had fun writing Hermione and Blaise and Harry... mainly because each of them reminds me of a different teacher I had last year, and it\'s fun to imagine them arguing in the teachers\' lounge!
And Schmergo, excuse Lindsay, who has forgotten you are a Hufflepuff on the Forums.
See, we have this Three Word Story in Gryffindor Tower where we write a story three words at a time, and underneath the Copied and Pasted story we write really random things (such as colours with personalities, how to take over the world, why we like bunnies, etc.).
When she left that review, we were all snogging Marauders. Well, actually Lindsay had turned into Sirius and Remus had turned into me thanks to James being mad because Remus hit on Lily...
Meanwhile I was snogging the REAL Sirius. :D
Hope that cleared that up!
- Katie
P.S. And so this isn't really spammy, the description of Ivy's fear in this chapter was well done, also. :)
Author's Response: Oh! The three-word-stories! I do those all the time with my friends! (I have quite a splendid one about my chorus teacher turning into a wereflamingo by night after eating a \'Questionable Sandwich\', while being the flamingo-fightin\' superhero by day... up against our evil bio teacher). That story sounds fun... why don\'t the Puffs have one of those!
The beginning at the lake was really good – I think I’m EXACTLY like Haley. Seriously, it’s kind of freaky how much we are alike.
But then when Malfoy jumps out I was just like, “ZOMGITSMALFOYNJORDANZOMGAGAIN!!11!!!!!!1!!!!one!!!!”
And then I was all, “JORDAN! NO! COME BACK TO THE LIGHT!” because I’m a HUGE Jordan fan, and seeing him become an Overseer really upset me.
The bit where Haley came up with the plan was really good, too – not a side of her we’ve seen before.
The dialogue between Malfoy and Ivy was perfect. I loved how she was all, “I’m not your little Ivy.” Perfect.
“JORDAN!” she screamed in a state of disbelieving shock, tears beginning to well up in her eyes. “YOU…”
“Yes, I’m an Overseer,” Jordan informed her calmly, tearing off his mask. “Our father will be crushed when he finds out who killed his precious little daughter, won’t he?”
I actually started CRYING here, you got me so worked up.
And then I hyperventilated and kept rereading the part where she killed him… and I was shaking and sobbing and stuff. But after a few minutes I got the sense to read on and he was alive and I breathed this HUGE sigh of relief. Which just goes to show how powerful of a writer you can be.
… Malfoy was yelping at a rather high pitch and was running around flailing his arms like a cartoon character.
OK, back to the regular Schmergo here – the one that makes me chuckle.
Malfoy’s worse than dead now… and this is three books long… so what’s next?
And the whole thing about being an Overseer and then turning on Malfoy being Jordan’s fantasy was excellent.
And the wolf-to-Ivy kiss was cute. :)
Can’t wait for more!
- Katie
P.S. Yes, I reviewed this while I was reading it. That's why it's so long and emotionally-charged and all.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you for your lovely, lovely review! I\'m actually incredibly glad that you were emotionally affected by the Haley/Jordan duel, because I was worried no one would be convinced. As for Malfoy being worse than dead and there being three books... the conflicts in the next two books aren\'t exactly because of Malfoy, although there is lots of internal conflict for Ivy and lots of bad stuff from the other members of the Malfoy family... *trying not to give away too much* I think you\'ll get a not-so-subtle hint about what the second book\'s about when Chapter 10 comes.
Schmergo, you have done it again. *shakes head* What am I going to do about you??? Every time I read one of your stories, I lose it.
My favourite part:
Voldemort did, and instantly, his eyes lit up. Florean could have sworn he saw tiny hearts appear inside the pupils, and a distinct ‘squee!’ escaped the un-lips of the Dark Lord. Almost reverently, he picked up the last carton of ice cream and hugged it like a puppy.
”YES!” he shouted to the heavens, or rather, the stalactites stuck to the roof of his lair. “YES! YES! TOGETHER, WE SHALL SUBJUGATE THE UNIVERSE! AHAHAHAHAHA!”
*rolls on floor laughing*
*gets up*
Anyway... that gave me quite possibly the funniest and most vivid mental image EVER.
Amazing!!!!
-Katie
P.S. Is Vermonty Python really called that? It sounds scrumdiddlyumptious!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! And Vermonty Python really is called that! \'Tis my favourite ice cream, which is saying something! And what are you going to do about me? Well, I hear the loony bin is nice this time of year!
This has to be one of the best D/A fics I've ever read. Seriously.
I'm crying right now, but it's not really sad crying. It's bitter.
Because in the end, Snape loved her, and it seems like she loved him, but they were never together. And that's heartbreakingly tragic.
Plus, the ending:
He heard a twig snap. And the last thing he saw as he drew his eternally unfinished breath, were her eyes, staring at him from a black-haired boys face, filled with a savage, uncontrollable hatred.
And then he ended. Just like a cool November's breeze weaves through the branches and takes with it the last of the dying leaves, lifting it over the treetops, with no other purpose than for it to fall from a higher place.
That is so beautiful, and yet so terribly tragic. It would figure that the last thing he saw was her son killing him, and the way you liken Snape to a November's breeze is absolutely perfect.
This was a stunning fic. Truly, utterly perfect in every single way. I have no concrit -- and believe me when I say that's a rare thing.
*clicks to add to favourites*
- Katie
Author's Response: Wow, what a lovely review. Thanks so much Katie! I know, even though I wrote this before DH, I just knew he had loved her. It\'s so tragic that it just had to be. And I know Lily loved him too, but I left it sort of open about what way...
I\'m so glad you liked it, and it\'s an honor to me that it is on your favorites!
Mia