I like the way you set up the situation, but I feel like Hermione was a tad bit out-of-character. She wouldn't say "a headache relieving potion or something." She would probably know the name of the potion for relieving headaches, and even if she didn't know it, she doesn't strike me as the type of person who would say "or something," which is a bit sophomoric. Also, I think it's in her nature to be kind to those who are injured, even if it is Malfoy. "You’ve had it coming for a long time. Won’t you tell me who it was so I can properly thank them?" is something I'd more expect Draco to say. (Who blacked your nose, Granger? I want to send them flowers!) Overall I think this is very good and well-written in terms of style and flow.
-Virgil-

I really like the way you wrote this. It's a bit like the Greco-Roman creation myth, starting with Erebus and Nox (except in that one, Erebus is "darkness" and Nox is technically "night") very good style, too.
-Virgil-

This is such a lovely poem. Honestly, it almost made me cry. The phrase "As the boy crouched low and cried" conveys such innocence and loss, and it really gives one a mental picture of how that scene plays out in the movie. Sheer beauty.
Peace, Virgil

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review, Virgil. I'm glad you felt the emotions I had hoped to portray.

I really like this (of course, I'm a sucker for anything Sev/Lily related). I also like your comparison of Snape to Sisyphus, who (if I remember my Edith Hamilton correctly) was condemned to push a rock up a mountain in Tartarus, only for it to roll back down and he would have to start over, pushing that boulder for all eternity. Gotta love mythology. And "those damnable words" - I believe you're referring to him calling Lily a Mudblood? ~Virgil

Author's Response: Thank you for takiing the time to leave me your comments; they are greatly appreciated. Yes, you gotta love the mythology, and using it in writing is so much fun. You are correct; the damnable words were Snape's own in speaking to Lily. He deeply regretted saying them, because they cost him the one person he really and truly loved.

That was very sweet. I'm not usually one to ship Harry and Ginny (of course, it depends on what kind of a mood I'm in) but this really brought out the best in Draco. Very well-characterized. I wasn't quite sure about Harry's style of writing at first - I suppose I expected to recognize it from the series, but then I realized that Harry never writes love letters in the books. The way you portrayed his writing, especially given the dramatic circumstances, was very well done. Even George, though his appearance was brief, was characterized very nicely. I enjoyed reading this.

Peace,
Virgil

Author's Response:

Haha, this started out as a throwaway piece of fluff written for someone's birthday. I myself don't like the idea of Harry/Ginny much myself, but after someone else got a hold of it, they demanded that I submit it. It's already been read and reviewed more than 90% of my fics, and it's only been 3 days, so I suppose it has its redeeming qualities, lol.

Characterisation is sort of my thing that I consider myself best at, so when you say it was good, that means the most to me, so thank you for that. :)

Thanks for reading and reviewing. Take care and happy writing!

Jess

Why hello there. Instead of posting in the Ravenclaw Birthday thread and wishing you well, I figured that leaving an epically long review would be a much better gift.

First of all, allow me to say that this is shaping up to be incredibly awesome. Usually I don't like Next Generation fics because of the grossy-gross cliches (I must admit that I have not yet read "Vindication" because I haven't been following it from the start, and I am intimidated by the length... it is on my "To Read" list. I'm sure it's amazing.) but this sticks out for me as something that's completely different. The way you begin the first chapter with Albus waking up and fiddling with his wand is a fantastic start. (Personally, I've always had trouble with beginnings.) It gives the reader a little taste of characterization before the plot even gets going. You develop Albus through many other smart devices throughout the first few paragraphs as well. It's very good that you let the reader know a little about the character before dumping him on Platform 9 3/4, because it makes the moment all the more exciting.

James Sirius is, of course, the trickster - just like his grandfather before him. He's written that way a lot, but you write him well. I wonder if and when he'll be receiving the Cloak or possibly the Marauder's Map, or if he has already. The whole theme with James bothering Albus about Slytherin is almost overkill, unless you intend to portray James as a cruel person. It's understandable if he brings it up a few times to annoy his brother, but he just won't let it go, will he? I do hope he apologizes in a chapter in the near future, because I don't like him as a person very much at the moment.

I also love the way you characterize Harry. (Yes, I enjoy rambling about characterization. It's a hobby.) When he tells Albus that he shouldn't apologize unless he actually is sorry, it really shows how much wisdom he has accumulated over the years. It almost sounds like something Albus' namesake would say. Also, the fact that he manages to reduce James to tears really says something about his protectiveness as a parent. I like the image of Harry driving, for some reason. It just made me smile. The way the kids are in such awe of the Muggle parking garage, the cars, etc., is very well described. I used to wonder how they stood up as well. (Come to think of it, I actually still do... thick concrete?)

The scene from the epilogue is excellently written. I want to learn more about Albus and Rose's relationship. They are both characterized wonderfully, but I think you could go more in-depth about how they relate to each other as friends. We know that they are cousins and that Albus is closer to her than his brother and sister, but how deep does the bond actually go? I'm sure that will be answered in later chapters, but that's just about all the constructive criticism that will be appearing in this review.

I wonder if Draco really would allow his son to take Muggle pills, even if he was allergic to the potion. Will Draco be present at all in this fic? I'd love to see how his relationship is with Scorpius. Later in the chapter, Scorpius is disappointed about being Sorted into Slytherin, so I wonder if he really respects his father and the family tradition. It's hard to say. I like how Albus was the first to act prejudiced toward Malfoy, and not the other way around.

The way Rose "gestured wildly" for Scorpius to come be in their boat hinted, the way I perceived it, just a little bit of Scorpius/Rose shipping. That's just an observation. I've loved that pairing ever since I finished "Nineteen Years Later" for the first time. I wonder if you will write it into this fic, though of course I'm just musing. Another musing of mine regards Nichola - was she just inserted as a way to create conflict between Scorpius and Rose (give her a reason to push him in the lake) or will she prove to be an important character as the plot continues? (Ah, I do enjoy musing.)

One thing that I found particularly awesome is that Neville is Head of Gryffindor House. His character really did evolve over the course of Book One to Book Seven, and he isn't acknowledged nearly as much as he should be. I'd just like to know what happened to McGonagall, because I very highly doubt that she'd ever retire.

The Sorting scene is superb. (Even the Hat's song is good, in spite of your warning at the beginning of the chapter that led me to believe it would be otherwise.) The fact that Scorpius appeared upset about being put in Slytherin makes one wonder which house he had been hoping to be in. I quite liked how you wrote Albus' Sorting, although I must admit that when he said "there is only one place left to put you," I was expecting Hufflepuff. I'm quite glad for him, though, that he was put in the house that he wanted.

To put a conclusion to the gushing, I love the way you ended Chapter 2. The possibilities for where you might take this fic are wide open. It's gonna be totally awesome.

Happy Birthday.

Peace,
Virgil

Author's Response:

Hi! Thanks for the epically epic review. I love reviews of all sorts, but I like this kind the best. :D

Why hello there. Instead of posting in the Ravenclaw Birthday thread and wishing you well, I figured that leaving an epically long review would be a much better gift.

It is, indeed. Very insightful of you, you clever 'Claw.

First of all, allow me to say that this is shaping up to be incredibly awesome. Usually I don't like Next Generation fics because of the grossy-gross cliches (I must admit that I have not yet read "Vindication" because I haven't been following it from the start, and I am intimidated by the length... it is on my "To Read" list. I'm sure it's amazing.) but this sticks out for me as something that's completely different.

Haha, VoJP is quite long (just a hair longer than GoF, actually). When you read it, it just doesn't seem that way. It's one of those things that you would want to read a chapter or two a day to make it fit inot your timeframe. Most of my readers do that, so I suppose it's the best way.

And I so get your apprehension about cliché Next-Gen. Who would have thought that it could become so overdone so fast?! I love Next-Gen, but I have to admit that most of them are terrible.

The way you begin the first chapter with Albus waking up and fiddling with his wand is a fantastic start. (Personally, I've always had trouble with beginnings.) It gives the reader a little taste of characterization before the plot even gets going. You develop Albus through many other smart devices throughout the first few paragraphs as well. It's very good that you let the reader know a little about the character before dumping him on Platform 9 3/4, because it makes the moment all the more exciting.

I just wanted Albus to be seen by others as I see him myself. He's overly small for his age, fairly introverted, quiet, and just wanting to go about his own business unmolested. Showing him in a mundane light makes him feel like more of an acquaintance than a character in a story, which is absolutely what I want to do.

James Sirius is, of course, the trickster - just like his grandfather before him. He's written that way a lot, but you write him well. I wonder if and when he'll be receiving the Cloak or possibly the Marauder's Map, or if he has already. The whole theme with James bothering Albus about Slytherin is almost overkill, unless you intend to portray James as a cruel person. It's understandable if he brings it up a few times to annoy his brother, but he just won't let it go, will he? I do hope he apologizes in a chapter in the near future, because I don't like him as a person very much at the moment.

The reason why you don't like James is because this story is entirely through Albus's eyes, and he doesn't much like his brother at the moment, either. Remember, the story started off as James doing something mean to Al, so, of course, the narrative is going to portray the elder Potter brother in a negative, 'you're a slimy git' light. And the only reason why James keeps bringing up Slytherin is because he knows that it bothers the crap out of Al. I remember being that age, and if I found something with which I could irritate my siblings...I was all over it like white on rice.

I also love the way you characterize Harry. (Yes, I enjoy rambling about characterization. It's a hobby.) When he tells Albus that he shouldn't apologize unless he actually is sorry, it really shows how much wisdom he has accumulated over the years. It almost sounds like something Albus' namesake would say. Also, the fact that he manages to reduce James to tears really says something about his protectiveness as a parent. I like the image of Harry driving, for some reason. It just made me smile. The way the kids are in such awe of the Muggle parking garage, the cars, etc., is very well described. I used to wonder how they stood up as well. (Come to think of it, I actually still do... thick concrete?)

Harry is my favourite major character by far. I feel like I know and understand him as a father, a husband, a person, and an Auror. But I do need to let you in on a little secret: What Harry took James to task for had nothing to do with Albus. He mentioned it, but James had done something else to irk his dad. As for the 'don't apologise unless you're actually sorry' part, fake courtesy bugs me more than rudeness, so I decided that Harry was going to feel the same, lol. There's me projecting my own beliefs on my characters. Tsk tsk!

The scene from the epilogue is excellently written. I want to learn more about Albus and Rose's relationship. They are both characterized wonderfully, but I think you could go more in-depth about how they relate to each other as friends. We know that they are cousins and that Albus is closer to her than his brother and sister, but how deep does the bond actually go? I'm sure that will be answered in later chapters, but that's just about all the constructive criticism that will be appearing in this review.

Rose and Albus will be spending lots of time together in this story, so no worries about not getting to see their dynamics. You'll see plenty. :D

I changed many things about the epilogue, or more specifically, took many things out. It just doesn't flow well as a piece of writing, especially when one is trying to build a story around it. I didn't mutilate it, which is all I was really worried about. I'm glad you approve.

I wonder if Draco really would allow his son to take Muggle pills, even if he was allergic to the potion. Will Draco be present at all in this fic? I'd love to see how his relationship is with Scorpius. Later in the chapter, Scorpius is disappointed about being Sorted into Slytherin, so I wonder if he really respects his father and the family tradition. It's hard to say. I like how Albus was the first to act prejudiced toward Malfoy, and not the other way around.

Draco is a different person in my universe. After the War, he was humbled, hated, and totally without direction. But most of all, he learned a lot about what does and does not matter in life. There is a healthy relationship between father and son, but you will soon learn what has brought the cruel side out in Scorpius.

The way Rose "gestured wildly" for Scorpius to come be in their boat hinted, the way I perceived it, just a little bit of Scorpius/Rose shipping. That's just an observation. I've loved that pairing ever since I finished "Nineteen Years Later" for the first time. I wonder if you will write it into this fic, though of course I'm just musing. Another musing of mine regards Nichola - was she just inserted as a way to create conflict between Scorpius and Rose (give her a reason to push him in the lake) or will she prove to be an important character as the plot continues? (Ah, I do enjoy musing.)

Haha, muse away! The reason why Rose gestured for Scorpius to join them in the boat is that she, upon meeting him in the train car and seeing his kindness to Albus, decided that he was an all right chap. And while Scorpius/Rose is one of my favourite ships, I do have plans for them both long before that can ever be possible.

One thing that I found particularly awesome is that Neville is Head of Gryffindor House. His character really did evolve over the course of Book One to Book Seven, and he isn't acknowledged nearly as much as he should be. I'd just like to know what happened to McGonagall, because I very highly doubt that she'd ever retire.

Neville was the obvious choice for the new Gryffindor Head of House. I rather fancy that McGonagall was the HoH, even whilst being the Headmistress, until Neville became a teacher. He deserved the honour, considering his innate bravery during times of great peril. He is a try Gryff, make no mistake. About McGonagall...even in the series, she is quite aged, and one cannot assume that all wizards live as long as Dumbledore's 150+ years. It would probably be in her best interest to retire before she dies, but she is still alive during this. She might even make an appearance - I haven't decided yet.

The Sorting scene is superb. (Even the Hat's song is good, in spite of your warning at the beginning of the chapter that led me to believe it would be otherwise.) The fact that Scorpius appeared upset about being put in Slytherin makes one wonder which house he had been hoping to be in. I quite liked how you wrote Albus' Sorting, although I must admit that when he said "there is only one place left to put you," I was expecting Hufflepuff. I'm quite glad for him, though, that he was put in the house that he wanted.

Haha, there was no way Al was going to be a Puff. I need prolonged agitation between him and his brother, and the best way to do that is to put them near one another as much as possible, lol. Plus, Albus's brand of bravery, while not as clearly stated as Harry's, is still very present. He's simply a softer personality and such. Actually, he's a lot like Neville, to be honest. Odd how that happened...

To put a conclusion to the gushing, I love the way you ended Chapter 2. The possibilities for where you might take this fic are wide open. It's gonna be totally awesome.

Haha, that last part reminded me of A Very Potter Musical. It's a song from the first part of the play, if you haven't seen it before. I'm glad you like the story so far, and yes, there are tonnes of possibilities that await. I hope you stick around to find out, because I am already in love with this story. I can't wait for real life to stop being so bonkers so I can continue writing on this story more often. It'll be a long time in finishing, as it will follow our beloved Albus into adulthood, but I think it will be worth the time to read and the effort to write.

Happy Birthday.

Thank you! So far, I've received two fics written just for me, a lovely set of icons from our very own Claw, Bella/Clabbert2101, and now your spiffing review. It's a good day. Now, if I can finish a couple more things, I can get back to this story, which is what I really want to do. :)

Thanks for stopping by. You made my day very bright indeed.

~Jess

Very good story - your writing style is great, with a just-right balance of description vs. dialogue. I am also very impressed by how you have managed to take a minor character from the series and flesh out her personality in such great detail - Astoria is a strong, well-developed character in this fic. I also like the way you portray the dynamics of the Slytherin girls in Daphne's year. It's cool to think about how all of this drama is simultaneously going on while Harry is having his adventures from canon. Keep up the good work! ~Virgil

Seriously though. This is so sad. I hope this gets happier soon, because I might not be able to read the rest!

Author's Response:

Well, both Harry and Hermione lost the person who meant the most to them both. THey're gonna be angsty for a while. The whole story is angsty in general, but I see happiness, or at least something resembling it, in their near futures. :D

Cheers and thanks for reading. The next chapter's in the queue already.

~Jess

Great chapter! I love the way you characterize Hermione in this one: taking the initiative, if-you-want-something-done-then-you've-got-to-do-it-yourself kind of attitude. It's very Hermione-like. Harry is, of course, fantastically portrayed, too (the if-I-die-then-somehow-everyone-else-will-be-safe attitude, which we all know and love from the books) but Hermione's character definitely shines in this chapter.

I can't wait to find out what happens next!
~Virgil

Author's Response:

I have always been of the mind that a non-canon ship doesn't have to be OOC, so I'm glad I haven't portrayed them thus in my story. I'm not throwing them together and making them be all in love because I want them to be, so I'm glad my, er... deliberation is appreciated. :D

~Jess

This is cute :) Ron reminds me of myself in this fic, hehe. I think you portrayed the essence of the Ron/Hermione pairing very excellently in this piece ^_^ Thank you.
Peace,
Virgil

Author's Response:

I'm glad it isn't too awfully saccharine and isn't OOC. I really wanted to visit this moment, because after everything, these two would have a lot to talk about.

Lovely review, and thanks for reading. 

~Jess