This is a really fabulous look into the mind of Petunia, and it was very enjoyable.
I really liked how you described Lily’s room. The words you use and the way you use them creates a vivid picture in the mind of the reader without being overbearing. This creates a realistic setting, which automatically made me buy into the story, as I am more likely to delve right into something that first gives me a setting then describes it. What I thought was very effective was how you first describe a certain object to the reader and then have Petunia’s memory of it. You really don’t leave any of the key objects without a story.
This is an interesting approach to Petunia, and I rather like it. What I like about it is that it really shows Petunia’s soft, loving, hurting side, a side I don’t think we see enough of. It reminds me of the scene in DH, where, for that one moment, we are given a different look on Petunia. I think that you really draw that part of Petunia out, showing her more as a hurt sister who is jealous of a boy rather than a bitter women. When the end approaches, we see the Petunia that the reader knows a little better, the one that knows Lily as freak. This Petunia, however, is shown in a new light, and thus the reader is more inclined to feel pity for Petunia, who has become second best to a boy, than Lily, who is almost shown as a dirty (she doesn’t care much for hygiene) and messy character.
While I thought that this story had a good contrast in terms of description, and action, I feel that it could benefit from a little expansion at the end. The ending feels a little rushed, especially in the last paragraph. I think that a few more sentences that perhaps showed a bit more of the alienation would really support the story and the alienation that Petunia is feeling.
I really like the contrasting of the two sisters. We see it first with the paper airplanes – Petunia’s is perfectly creased, whereas Lily’s is crumpled. I think that this further emphasises the distance between them, for they appear to be opposites in every way.

~Maple~

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really glad you thought the writing gave a vivid picture, because that's exactly what I was trying to do. I thought the saddest part of "The Prince's Tale" was seeing Petunia and Lily grow apart because of Petunia's jealousy. (I doubt that you agree with that....) I wasn't actually trying to portray Lily as almost dirty. I meant more for the comment about Petunia to be a snide remark. I hadn't even thought about the way you interpreted it. I really liked the airplanes too; they actually made an appearance in a short story I write for English in eighth grade, so I'm very glad you think they work! I really enjoy it when others come up with symbolism and meaning that I didn't intend behind things I've written, and thank you again for the lovely review. I greatly appreciated it (especially since I hadn't gotten much feedback on this story in reviews). -Meg

Hello,

This is a very cute piece that is definitely very festive and fun to read. It nicely contrasts the happy things and slightly irksome things of Christmas, all while keeping it lighthearted.

I really liked how you characterised Sirius. What I thought was especially nice about it was that Sirius doesn’t really seem angry. I think that a common fandom characterisation is that he is constantly angry and raging at his family. Instead, here you have him more fed up. It’s more like he finds his family’s antics bothersome and he seems just tired of being the one left out all the time. I liked how you made his sense of humour clever. His practical jokes aren’t mindless, they are cleverly thought out and expressed. Lastly, I loved this line: “Andromeda, my dear, there are four somethings in your mansion which disagree with me, and they disagree with me about everything.” I thought it was just a lovely contrast to the sort of boring atmosphere you have created, and there was something just so Sirius about it.

I really liked the clever names that you have given the ‘outcasts’ of the group. I love the name “Andy” – it seems to defy the Black tradition in that it is very common and Muggle sounding, but also in that it is a dual gender name, when all of the family’s names are very gender specific and very old school. I also like how Alpheus was shortened to “Alph”. There is just something so ridiculous about that name – it’s fun and it takes the Latin out of the name, defying the family in a small way.

Lastly, the prank was very well thought out. It wasn’t something so ridiculous and destructive so that it harmed someone, rather, it was just a small sort of rebellion against the family in a way that harms no one and is really quite clever. I think that this really shows how witty Sirius is – it’s quick, it’s easy, it’s rebellious, but it doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s very nicely done and made me smile, which is always a good thing.

Overall, nicely done and very cute. It has a very festive feel to it without it being overly cheerful or blatantly Christmasy. Great job.

Maple

Hey Jamie,

This piece is probably one of the most horrific pieces of fanfic that I've ever read. Normally, I find horror (for lack of better word) fics to be totally not my style, but this is one that I have multiple times and will likely read again. Your look into Neville's character and how he reacts in different situations is fascinating, and I feel that you do it justice. The strong characterisation mixed with the absolute horror of the situation makes for a very compelling read.

First off, the description of everything going on in this story is amazing. You don't spend paragraph upon paragraph describing the scene, but you still manage to create this world where everything is defined. The images that I get when reading this story are so vivid and so incredibly hard to turn off, no matter how much I want to. Everything from Neville's blistering flesh to the small, claustrophobic room he was kept in is etched in my mind. Perhaps the most horrific moment of this fic is when Neville finally breaks. The description there is so vivid, especially at the climax of the story, when Neville is banging the man's head on the floor. The statement "red spattered on the bone white tile --" makes my stomach churn after all that is happened, and I'm relieved when Harry grabs him, because I couldn't take one more thing. I remember reading this for my first time, and stopping right here. I'm so glad I returned to read it through, but the description is just so intense that it actually made me stop reading at one point.

I loved how you used the time subtitles to help show Neville's decent. It starts off exact. "14 March 2001, 9:14 am". Not quarter after nine, but 9:14, showing how completely composed Neville is going into this training. He is completely in control and is ready for anything. Next, we go into approximates. Morning. Here, we see that Neville is starting to be in less control, but he's still aware enough to know about how much time has passed. Then he loses that. Gradually, Neville continues to lose time until all he knows is "March", and he's not even sure about that, showing his complete lack of control and full consciousness.

I mentioned earlier how I found Neville's characterisation to be one of the strongest points of this fic. It's no secret that Neville is your forte, but I think that the fact that you managed to put Neville through immense torture and still keep him completely in character is something that you should be very proud about. Straight from the getgo, Neville stands up and says he will not, under any circumstances, give up. In fact, his direct statement "Who am I kidding?" shows an almost inability to give up. This is so accurate to the Neville we see in the novels who, though beaten and tortured, never ever gave up. Who, when his hero had died and all hope seemed lost, refused to surrender. You have managed to really lock into one of Neville's strongest personality traits and make it shine. Even when Neville does break, he isn't so much giving up. Yes, he gives up his middle name, but he does it while smashing someone's face in. I love how this is reflected in the last section of the story, where Neville is trying to heal himself. He knows he's broken, but he continues to fight on, knowing that someday he'll mend. Another characteristic that I thought you portrayed well is Neville's need to prove himself. When Neville thinks there are people watching, he pushes himself to stay strong in order to " I'll show them [he's] just as tough as [his] parents were." This is a characteristic we see throughout the novels. Neville is constantly being compared to his parents by his grandmother, and it is part of why he does what he does. Lastly, I thought that the vines were a very nice touch. It was exciting to watch Neville get excited about the vines. You made plants his anchor, something I find very believable. Like most people I know, Neville has found the one thing that keeps him him, and it adds a very personal feeling to the story.

I think the biggest quibble I have about this story is Harry. A lot of Harry's characterisation is spot on. He clearly cares for his friends and can't just stand by and watch his friend feel complete torture. The one thing I'm not quite sure about is why Harry stopped it only when Neville broke. I can't see Harry letting anyone go that far with his friend. That being said, the torturer does say that no one knows they are down there. If that is the case, how did the swarm of Aurors manage to stop Neville at that moment? While all this confusion helps us see the world through Neville's eyes in the moment, I, personally, would love a little clarification as to how and why the torture was allowed to go so far.

The torture methods you used were quite scary, to be honest, but quite realistic at the same time. You chose to make the torturer one of Neville's worst memories. Even before we knew that Carrow raped Neville, we can understand a little bit of Neville's fear. Even without the sexual assault, Carrow had tortured and allowed other people to torture Neville and his friends repeatedly over the year, thus seeing him would have caused panic in the first place. Next, you introduce small rooms. While not everyone is claustrophobic, putting someone into a small room with no visible way out would be terrifying and suffocating. Then, you introduce fire. Fire is perhaps one of the most cruel forms of torture. The pain resides for a long time afterwards and leaves scars and nerve damage even when the burns have healed. Combine that with Neville's memories, and fire creates one of the strongest weapons that the torturer has against Neville.

Neville's breaking point in this story is truly interesting. Neville can withstand pain, horror, and small spaces, but what really gets to him is the attack on his dignity. I'm not saying that sexual assault isn't physical or horrible, but it's so much more. It's just as much about the psychological damage as it is about the physical, and the fact that it is Neville's real trigger just makes sense to me. Neville's dignity as always been something he's fought for, and to have it ripped away and then used against him is cruel, and it is completely understandable that that is what breaks him.

Lastly, I think that you ended the story in the perfect place. Until very close to the end, the reader has not had time to breathe. There is literally no relief in this story. It's simply horror upon horror upon horror. In the last line, the reader is given this little spark of hope. Neville is not okay at this moment, but we know that he will be. In the end, we may not remember the specifics of Neville's torture, but we will remember that Neville is strong enough to move ahead and try to heal, and that is powerful in itself.

Overall, I think that this is an amazing story, Jamie. The story as a whole definitely shows why you are one of the best Neville authors out there.

Maple

Hey Pooja,

This story actually made me mad, but in a totally good way. You started off the story as a cute little song fic that emphasized the joys and pains of a crush and first love. I was totally connected to the characters and the themes, and then you killed Lavender! I think that that is the magic of this story though. You connect us so deeply to the characters and the plot, and then you tear us down, and it is so effective.

The greatest strength of this story is how you portray the feelings of a major crush. I was really drawn into the story because of these feelings, and you got me to really connect with two characters that I really don't care for. First, you give me Lavender, the character I perhaps least connect to in the whole Potterverse (well, maybe Umbridge more), as she's everything I'm not, and you make me connect with her and love her and understand her in a way I never have before. I was drawn in from the very first line, " It was the best feeling that she had ever experienced in all the fourteen years of her life". I remember when I was that age, and feeling one of my first major crushes, and yes, it was a marvelous feeling. Then you outline every little feeling. The flip of the stomach, how everything is funny, how he lights up her world. With Lavender, you focus so much on those fun feelings, but then you also brush on the void that we feel when they aren't around. When you bring it all full circle, it's like, yes, I get it and yes, I can feel those feelings. When I felt that, I was one hundred percent dedicated to finishing the story.

Expanding on those thoughts, I loved how you had Lavender and Seamus focus on a specific aspect of the other person. The two aspects you chose were perfect. Eyes are so important in identifying a person, and if you want to be cliche, they show us so much about them, so it's natural that Lavender would be attracted to them, because she is attracted to what makes Seamus Seamus. Similarly, the voice is often the first part that a person associates with a person. So by Seamus noticing her voice, he is noticing what sets her apart. I just think there is so much power behind these choices that really add to those overall feelings of attraction.

Your description of their first kiss was perfect. Too often in literature, a couple's first kiss is described as this perfect moment in time, when in actuality, first kisses seldom are. In that one paragraph, you give the reader this in depth description of a moment and in the few short moments it takes to read it, you feel awkwardness and disgust and almost like you are invading their perfect moment. This is exactly how I think this moment should feel. You have managed to make their first kiss so personal that I felt like I was invading.

The ending is something that I just want to touch on briefly. Once I got to the ending, all I wanted to do was strangle you. You gave this couple a perfect get together, and then you kill half of them off. Normally, I wouldn't care, because Lavender dies in my head canon anyway and I don't like her in the first place. But because you made me connect to her, I got emotionally attached, and I actually wanted to strangle my pillow because I wanted them to be together and I didn't want a character who I had grown attached to to die.

One last major point about this fic is the use of the song lyrics. In terms of lyrics, you used quite a lot for the length of the story. For the most part, I think that they fit really well. With song fics, it's easy to use too many lyrics and write your story exactly around it, but here, you managed to include a lot, but to portray the characters emotions. At first, I was a little skeptical about the first use of the lyrics, as they didn't seem to fit, but on the second read, I saw that they totally do as a foreshadow of the story. Surprisingly, I found myself actually reading the lyrics (I usually skip them over in song fics) and appreciating how they fit into the context of the story.

In general, this is a fab story. I loved every moment of it, from the use of the song lyrics to the anger over watching Lavender die. You really captured the real spirit of a crush and managed to turn what could have been a major fluff fest into something so much deeper, creating this story that is relatable and reaches out to everyone.

Maple

Author's Response: Hey Maple!

Sorry I made you mad! Haha, but Seamus and Lavender never did become canon (or maybe they did, idk), so all I wanted to concentrate on over here was what a first crush means -- to you, to me, to everyone. It was nothing out of the ordinary, really, it's universal to experience this, which is probably why I was able to pull it off, haha.

To be honest, all those infatuated thingies were probably the easiest to write. Like you, like Lavender, I've had a first crush too, and then some, so I just incorporated my own experience into this (though my crush never asked me out, so I didn't get as lucky as Lavender). I don't relate very much to Lavender's character either, but I picked her and Seamus for this fic knowing I could probably write all the silliness of a crush more accurately with someone like Lavender. This fluff, for example, wouldn't have fit Hermione all that much. I'd have to keep the thoughts and the situation more controlled.

My friend told me this once, "If you ask a person what they like about their crush, they can give you specific details, but if you ask them the same about someone they're in love with, they can't give you a single reason." Like, we have crushes for very basic reasons: "he's hot" "he's smart" "he's really nice" etc etc. You can pinpoint why you are crushing on someone, and I wanted to emphasise that here. The kiss, though, it's just my take on what a first kiss should feel like. I always wonder how uncomfortable it would be. Hehehe. Glad you liked it! :)

Sorry about the ending! In that case, I wanted to talk about how one can never forget their first love/crush, and how it must be so painful to lose them like that. And the song? Shhh, but I wrote the fic around the song ;). That's why it fits lol.

Thank you for that lovely review, Maple, and sorry it took so long for me to come up with a response. Glad you liked the fic! :)

Hello Ellie!

This is a very interesting story, and I didn't even know you had written it! I liked how you took a movie canon character and ingrained it into your story so that he felt like he belonged. It was a very creative gesture, and I think it really gives this story a bit of uniqueness to it. While Nigel could exist in the book universe, we never actually see him, so it was nice to see how you took this movie character and fleshed him out to make him a believable book character.

I was intrigued with the opening section. While there is nothing overly new about it - the torture of a young student - there was something that just grabbed my attention. I think that the fact that you wrote the opening from no particular point of view gives it a very matter of fact tone that makes the whole situation feel more tolerable and easier to read, which kept me reading. There's one part I'm a little unsure of in the first bit. Is the woman Umbridge? The description of her and the way she talks leads me to think she is, and I'm unsure if she would be at Hogwarts at that time. I really, really liked the line "the boy knew he had made his choice, and his pain prevented countless others from suffering as he was". I think it really exemplifies what the DA stood for at this time - protecting others and fighting for what little justice they could.

One issue that I had with this story was the amount of head hopping. While it was easier to understand as the story went by, it was a little confusing in the opening part. While it was definitely necessary later on in the fic, to show what is going on, I think that it would have been much more effective to have just stuck with Nigel's point of view in the Room of Requirement. I did, however really like the head hopping in the latter half, as it really gave an in depth look into the overall structure of the plan. I think that it helped make this story into something fairly exciting and fun to read, and it wouldn't have been accomplished if it had been from one point of view.

I liked how you didn't sugar-coat all the abuse that was definitely happening at Hogwarts at the time. Everything is straight up and matter of fact. This makes the story so believable to the reader, because you aren't trying to hide something or make it seem less real. Statements such as : "just today (and rather a good day, too) Nigel had acquired a large bruise over one eye" really show the drama and the abuse effectively, while mentioning first years running away from punishment emphasises the horror of how deep these punishments went.

I was a little unsure of the characterisation of Neville. As someone who was left on the outside for much of his Hogwarts life, I can't see him coming across as so elitist and secretive. I also think he'd be a little more concerned about the missing book. If the book was that important and it was taken, I couldn't see Neville putting it off, I think he'd be right on it in order to protect the rest of the DA.

I thought that your characterisation of Nigel was very interesting and quite fleshed out. I think that the line that really put him together was that he was "better with parchment than with people". Given how little we are given of Nigel in the movies, what you did with him really fits the feel of the Nigel we see in the movies. To me, his character felt very well rounded and I totally believed that he existed in the Harry Potter universe. He is meticulous and organised, and he really fits the role of the person who would rather make plans than run them. I also loved his self-sacrificing nature. I think it really shows off how the DA is supposed to be. All for justice, and all for protecting each other.

Finally, I really liked the ending of your fic. I loved how it surprised me because it was the beginning and it was completely unexpected. It gave a very circular feel to the piece, which was very satisfying for the reader. It clarified the beginning but also gave the beginning a whole new perspective. The fact that didn't feel like skipping that part shows that it gave it some fresh meaning.

Overall, this fic definitely has a lot of potential, especially in the characterisation and believably of a movie canon character. It was a lot of fun to read and explore Nigel and his world.

~Maple

Author's Response: Oh, drat. I completely forgot about this review, and I'm so, so sorry it took me this long to respond, Maple. D:

Anyway, thank you so much. :) I know that the head-hopping can be a little hard to follow, but I'm glad you thought it worked. The challenge was a mystery challenge, so I figured if I went out of Nigel's head (who was the only person who knew the entire plan) that it would make it a bit more exciting and mysterious. Looking back, it really wasn't necessary in the beginning, so thank you for pointing that out. :) I'm also thrilled you liked Nigel- for some odd reason I decided that when I wrote this I wanted the main character to be him. I'm glad you think I did him justice.

In regards to the first bit, I realize now that it does sound a lot like Umbridge, but it was the female Carrow (I forget whether that's Alecto or Amycus now). I *think* that was clarified the second time that bit came around, but in case you were wondering. I'm also glad you liked the ending. It's fun writing something that ends where it begins.

Lastly, on Neville: I realize that his characterization is super shaky here, but I don't think I conveyed my reasoning right. This wasn't nearly all the time, as Neville would not draw away for long, if at all. But he knew that it was a delicate matter, (trying to steal the sword) because it was so obvious Harry needed it, so he kept that under wraps. The rest of that year, however, he would be that fearless leader who never abandoned Hogwarts. I love the second version of the DA for the reasons you mention; the unity, the self-sacrifice, and how they're protecting the castle while the hero is away.

Overall, thank you for the amazing SPEW review, Maple!
Ellie

Oh, what a beautiful little piece! This story made me smile and feel sad at the same time. I think that the ideas of childhood are very well presented. Your characterisation of Luna is quite good, actually, which was a pleasant surprise, as a lot of people make her over the top and obnoxious, but this just seemed to fit her perfectly.

I think that this story really exemplifies the idea of youth and the innocence of it. It was definitely a unique story with a lovely feel and message to it.

~Maple

Author's Response: Thank you! I wanted to try something different with this; I'm so intrigued by the theme of innocence and growing up and I really wanted to look at that here.

Hey Sophie!

I read this once before, but I think I liked it better on the second go round. This is a very lovely piece, and I’m glad I got the chance to read it again.

It was interesting how you opened the story in present tense, when it has the stylistics of a flashback. It definitely gives a good hook to the reader, because it is a very unusual way of doing things. It makes the whole thing seem so much more immediate and personal, which is what Tonks is feeling at the time, though we don’t know it yet.

I love how so natural and teenagery Tonks and Charlie’s relationship feels. It definitely has that very real feel of first love, and falling in love with your very good friend. Having Charlie feel jealous and angry when he finds Tonks with Max felt very believable. It is the exact reaction I would expect someone in his position to have. The hindsight on Tonks’ part was also very well done. Now that it has happened, she knows what all the little quirks in his actions are, and I think that is so reminiscent of a girl newly in love – she begins to understand and realise what exactly was going on.

One scene that I thought really helped you set the stage to Charlie’s character is when Tonks talks about Charlie telling her about Max and that he “was struggling very hard to keep the grin off his face the whole time”. To me, this is reflective of the Charlie we see at the end. He clearly cares for Tonks, but there’s a part of him that is looking out for himself a lot too.

The sex scene is just so beautifully and tactfully written. Often times I find myself feeling uncomfortable during sex scenes because everything is so explicit and just uncomfortable. Yours is so tactfully done, and I don’t find myself thinking that it was just put in there as entertainment. I really feel like it was a necessary part of the story.

Your creation of Tonks and Remus’ relationship was surprisingly believable for me. In my headcanon, their relationship is nothing like this. But yet, somehow, I was convinced. I think this is one of the most important parts of writing – convincing the reader.

I love how you made Tonks reflections feel like legitimate reflections. I think that, sometimes, when in first person, authors add too much description or make funky similes that no person actually ever thinks when reflecting. Here though, I bought it. I felt what Tonks was feeling, and never did I question that it was her. One quibble I did have was that the parallel concept felt a bit forced. I understand that she would be thinking about how similar things were between the two, but I feel like this part was a little too formal and didn’t fit in with the rest of the style you have written. That being said, I did love the last few lines, where she realises that she is the one who falls for the men who will always break her heart.

I really enjoyed this, Sophie. Thank you for introducing me to both Charlie/Tonks and Remus/Tonks. It was a thoroughly enjoyable read.

Maple

Author's Response: Maple, thank you so much for this review. This is probably the story that's been the hardest for me to write, so it's great to have someone's opinions on it, especially in such a fab SPEW review. I am awful at responding to SPEW reviews, though, so sorry both for keeping you waiting and for the useless response.

The flashback/dream thing was (as so often seems to happen to me) somewhat accidental. I wanted to write this sequence between Charlie and Tonks but I had no idea where I was going to take it. I knew I wanted to draw comparisons between Tonks's relationships with Charlie and Remus, and I didn't know how to make the connection. I'm not even entirely sure why I chose to make the scene a dream in the end. It just seemed like a good way to make an immediate transition between Charlie and Remus.

I'm glad you found the relationships I portrayed believable. It's not something I know a lot about from personal experience, so I've always got to go by my observations of other people and by things I've read or watched. I just have to hope I manage to stay true to life, if that makes sense. I'm especially pleased to hear that my Remus and Tonks worked for you despite not being what you expected. You're right -- convincing people is always important.

The smut -- well, I don't think I have it in me to write the sort of smut that would make you uncomfortable! Graphic isn't really my style, even the prompt behind this was somewhat more detailed, hah. I prefer to stick to innuendo and implications, and I'm glad that worked for you.

Before Soraya beta'd this, Tonks's voice wasn't really right -- too formal, like some of the later passages still are. It's thanks to her, really, that it felt as natural as it hopefully does. You make a fair point about the reflections at the end of the fic. Soraya pointed that out to me when she beta'd it, and I did try to work on it, but I know it's still not right. I had set myself on using the parallels thing, so I really didn't want to take it out, even when it felt forced.

Thanks again for the lovely review :) You've made some very useful points.

~Sophie

I should have known that a Scorpius story by you would not just be a Scorpius story, but a Neville story as well. *Shakes head affectionately* I was actually completely surprised to see him in here, but it was a very pleasant surprise, and I’m glad you included him.

As usual, I am in awe at your ability to create a scene without putting huge amounts of emphasis on everything that is actually there. This is really effective in, not only making a picture for the reader, but making the reader see the world through your character’s eyes. Though you don’t mention much of anything about the room, I can still see it. Instead, you describe the envelope. This really gets us into the character’s head right away, because Scorpius is likely to notice the envelope, given all it entails, but the room, not so much, as he sees it every day.

You have really rounded Scorpius into a very realistic character. He exhibits a balance of contrasting characteristics that would be evident in a real person. He is both confident and unsure, brave and meek. What made him the most convincing was that, no matter how estranged he feel from his parents, he still wants their approval. There is something so beautiful about that, and so human, that I really connected myself with Scorpius. The development he goes through as a character is really exciting to watch, especially as it spans only 4000 words. By making Scorpius so connectable, you have really made this story amazing.

I don’t know how you do it, but every time you write Neville, I am excited to read it, because I know you will present something new and more attractive about him. Here, I love how compassionate you made Neville. Neville could very easily hate Scorpius, simply because his father made his life miserable. Instead, he extends a hand of kindness towards him. Neville is the teacher I wish I had had while in school. You have taken all of the qualities canon Neville exhibits in the books, and molded it into a very wonderful adult.

Your take on Astoria is definitely original and refreshing. I have never seen her characterised like this. She is so much like Lucius, it’s bizarre, but in a totally good way. A lot of people characterise Astoria as someone who is almost nice. Here, you have made her worse than Draco, which I rather liked. It gave me an antagonist to root against. I also love how mother like you’ve still managed to make her. She clearly has mother’s intuition, and I think, deep down, she does care about Scorpius. She is the perfect blend of absolutely terrible and mother-like. And in the end, she is just mouthy enough for me to like her.

PLOT:
If I have one complaint about this story, it would be that it almost feels too similar to Neville’s OWL story. Like Neville, Scorpius receives an A in Transfiguration, an E in Charms, and an O in Herbology. And like Neville, Scorpius is told Charms is a soft subject. Both of them are subjected to what seem like unrealistic expectations by their guardians, who don’t quite appreciate what they have.

I really enjoyed the subtle dynamics between the Malfoys and Neville. While Neville, who has every reason to hate Draco and his family, is kind towards Scorpius and doesn’t speak ill of his parents, the Malfoy parents don’t like to talk about it. I think that is very interesting, and I kind of find myself wondering why. Neville didn’t really do anything to Malfoy specifically when they were children, besides fight for the good, but yet they don’t like them. It adds an interesting touch that reminds us of the history of this story.

The way you handled the idea of the father figures in this story was very well done. I felt bad for Draco, who feels outdone by Neville. For me, the scene where Draco realises that he is still Scorpius’ father, and no matter what, he would stay that way, was the greatest moment. In that moment, we realise that this story is not only about Scorpius, but about his parents and how they develop. Draco’s development was beautiful, as he finally realises what he should have known all along: Scorpius loves him, and he is worried about disappointing him because he just wants to please his dad, just like anyone else would.

What a beautiful piece of work, Jamie! It definitely followed a very realistic story, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Maple

Aida,

This is beautiful! Of all the post-Lily/James death fics I’ve read, this one is definitely the best. You have approached it in a completely different way than most people do, and everything together just felt so right.

I loved how you characterised Peter, a character who suffers from many clichés. I felt like I totally connected with him. He isn’t a whiney, bed-wetting character, but rather, he is a character who truly loves his friends, but who likes his alone time, which I totally get. I love how he gets nervous for the Bloody Baron, yet totally faces his fears, proving the Sorting Hat to be right. And for the first time ever, I totally understand how Peter could turn to the Dark Lord – he simply does not want to die. He has nothing to fight for, and he is too young to give his life for something not immediately effecting him. This was just so believable and so easy to understand, something that I think is hard when writing Peter.

I loved how everything fit together in this story. While the story is clearly divided into four distinct parts, the four parts flow cohesively and are necessary to each other. Everything fits together and everything makes sense. Each part links into the next, which links into the next. I totally bought it, and I think it really helped show consistency between Peter’s character. He has a favourite place, and key moments that have brought him to where he is, and it is beautifully done.

I loved the use of the Bloody Baron. What a very creative idea! It really is who Peter is. He suffers so much for what he has done, and it will always remind him of that moment, a moment where he was scared but faced his fears anyway, a moment where he3 had the best friends in the world. I love how he turns to him form in these times. I love the picture you gave us – Peter staying as a rat, because everything was just so much less complicated that way.

Amazing story, Aida! It really made me think about Peter as a character, and it is truly the best look at the aftermath of James and Lily’s death that I,ve read, even though it occurs nine years later.

Maple.

Hey Pooja!

This fic is one I’ve watched for a long time, and you have no idea how much I want to finish it, but, alas, I shall stop and take a moment to review this chapter, but I may take some stuff from the other chapters I’ve read as well.

I love the opening. It’s just so inviting to the readers. The use of sunshine and bed makes me feel relaxed and happy. I can envision it immediately in my head, and the feeling of relaxedness makes me sit and say yes, this is something I want to read. I am relaxed and this story makes me feel warm. Then he wakes up and he smells food and sees Hermione. Ron feels relaxed and happy, and I feel relaxed, happy, and excited to read on. What I love is that this is oh so deceiving. Instead, the chapter takes a turn for the darker, but yet I keep reading, because I have been engrossed already by the easy, relaxed opening.

I felt a little off when Hermione calls Ron “Ronald Weasley”. I just found it so reminiscent of his mother, which made it a little awkward. I do think, however, that Hermione’s mood is really well shown. She is clearly cross, and we would have seen that even if Ron hadn’t said it. It’s nice as I don’t have to be told what she’s feeling, I can infer it for myself, which makes the story feel more natural. I think that this is a reoccurring theme through what I have read of this story. The emotions just feel so real and honest without us having to be told what exactly they are feeling. I think that this is the greatest strength of the entire chapter and story, actually.

For me, Rose and Hugo were very well done. Rose showing the jealous older sister side just felt so right. I like that she shows some intelligence already and she has a sort of defined personality. You could take Rose as she is right now and easily describe her at 14 or even 16, which I think is great. I especially liked how she was mad about being woken up by Hugo. I remember when I was three and my sister was born and being so annoyed at the fact that she would wake me up in the middle of the night with her crying, so I was able to really connect and understand this part. What I thought was especially great was how you portrayed Hugo. I think it’s easy to forget how articulate and intelligent two year olds really are. But really, there are two year olds reading, talking, and expressing themselves, and I really think you did Hugo justice with this.

I love the family interactions. They were fun to read, especially as each person clearly has their distinct role and voice. I especially loved the line : ‘“You mean,” Hugo said sadly’. I don’t know why, but I just get this really clear image of the kitchen table here, and Hugo hanging his head and looking all sad and dejected. It’s really fantastic. Everything just feel so natural and I could just read banter like this for a lot longer in the fic because it is so fun and so real.

Lastly, I’m really impressed that you manage to do this completely from Ron’s POV. I don’t know why, but I find it easier to write from the female POV, but you make Ron feel believable, and for that, I’m impressed.

Overall, I’m really excited to see where this will go. Right now, it has already shown some dark overtones, so I’m really excited to watch this go from a darkish happy the deep roots of this story.

I will finish this soon, I promise!

Maple

Author's Response: Maple!

Sorry, I'm late with this! But then to be honest, I didn't know how to go about a reply at first, and then my exams came along. Anyway, I am so happy to have received this review! November was really an awesome month for me, with the number of reviews I've received!

A part of the opening was from a drabble challenge I wrote on LJ for smut. I wanted Ron and Hermione to have fought-- so the sunlight seemed a good atart to give everyone a false sense of hope. But that seems to have worked here too. Hehe. Yes, I will be evil enough to say I'm glad it made everyone feel warm and relaxed, especially when you see what comes later.

Hermione does call Ron 'Ronald Weasley' in the book. I posted this on LS, as king if she would call him that, and Croll reminded me that she did. It's in DH, when Ron returns with Harry after destroying the Horcrux. "You complete ar*e, Ronald Weasley!", I think, but I can't be exact as I don't have the book on me atm. The moods and the gestures were all with the help of my wonderful Beta, who actually told me how those little gestures would convey a lot more emotions than me mentioning them word-for-word. :)

I loved writing Rose and Hugo. They felt so cute to me-- and sibling rivalry is a very important part of sibling relationship. In fact, I was such a jealous, stubborn kid, I forbade my parents from having another child. I let them know that I wasn't about to tolerate a sibling, and I'm not sure whether they wanted just one child, or if they took me seriously. But I do have a sibling-like cousin, who made up for the absence of siblings. We fought over everything, and I managed to get jealous too. So yes, I can say that I could relate to Rose too-- in many ways, ha! As for Hugo, the same cousin of mine spoke perfectly, and could sing when he was two. My mum says that I could talk too, and recognise colours, shapes and recite the alphabet. It differs from child-to-child, actually-- I saw a two year old three days ago, who could only say 'mummy'. But then he was vey sick, so maybe he could speak more, but chose not to.

I can't tell you what a sweetheart Hugo was to write. :) I had a clear picture-- which I wanted translated, and I wanted my readers to understand Hugo the way I did. I'm glad I was successful in that! And Ron is one of my favourite characters to write. He's such a darling-- I enjoy writing him! I trule enjoyed writing the entire family conversation, and Ron, and am very happy that you liked Ron's PoV.

Thank you for this lovely review! :)