Hey! My name's Phia, I'm 15 and Australian, and that's all the data you really need to know. I love writing and love the supportive fandom I've found on this site, but I love reviews the most - so indulge me! Of course praise is awesome, but constructive criticism's best... let rip!
:) Hope you enjoy what I've written.
xoxo Phia
I love it!
It's a very happy, light, funny fic! Your characterisation is perfect, especially James. The way both Lily and James treat the toddler and each other is also exactly as would happen in "real life". I also loved how you managed to Rose the catalyst for the whole thing.
Basically, despite of the hinted tragedy at the start, this short story is and sweet and just exudes... how can I say it... innocence! The little girl's innocence, of course, but also innocence from James, and the innocence of two young people in love.
Basically, this is far and away the best J/L fic I've read yet! I am definitely adding it to my fave stories!
Bee-autiful. Best fictional wedding I've ever been to (cos that's what it felt like).
I really liked that you fitted in both the humour at the start and the romance at the (duh) wedding!
Did you write this before or after DH? I don't know if I can say more than that without this being a spoiler, it was just the mention of Petunia that made me wonder...
My only criticism was that it wasn't long enough. Can't wait til the next installment!
Author's Response: After DH, actually.
I hope the next one\'s long enough, and I\'m glad you liked it!
--Hanni
MAJOR SPOILERS A post-DH Fred and George fic.
It's been one year since the war ended and Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes is still going strong. That is, until Angelina shows up with news that her new boss is being blackmailed. Next thing, a mysterious package arrives on the doorstep, there's a spate of inexplicable burglaries in Diagon Alley, and an old friend appears to have come back from the dead…
Ah, what can I say? Your writing style is beautiful, your characterisatoin is perfect, your dialogue is funny, and your plot is fascinating. Though I think anyone who's read DH will figure out the link between Dumbledore, the Ministry and the importance of Snitches...
I am getting to the point where I'm resenting George's treatment of Fred. I mean, the way he doesn't seem to mind taking the credit for stuff Fred does, and leaving Fred all alone in the top of the shop - I mean, his dead twin's come back to life, couldn't he take a short vacation? - and the way he's falling for Angelina. I mean, poor Fred!
And the thing about King's Cross utterly confused me. I could make neither head nor tail of it. Plus, I was under the impression that while it was King's Cross for Harry, it's be something different for everyone? And that the only reason Dumbledore was there with Harry was because he was Harry's mentor.
I wish I spoke Latin. None of the schools I've ever been to have offered it.
I'm not sure whether I've ever left you a review, but this story is in my favourites and I'm always eagerly awaiting an update. I do wish that the chapters were bigger, I've started waiting for every second chapter in order to have two at once. I can't stand reading one and then going, "Damn, no more up yet!"
Yeah. And, may I add, you are one of my favourite authors. The first story I ever read on MNFF was the Blood-Spattered Bathroom, and I remember reading it and getting really really worried! I thought, if that's the standard they expect here, I'll never get a fic validated!
Yeah. Sorry for this rambling and confused review. Your story rocks, and I can't wait for the next update!
Phia
Author's Response: Thank you very much! Ok, I\'ll just answer a couple of things for clarification purposes: I know what you mean about George, but the way I see it, he\'s already moved on with his life without Fred. Although it\'s upsetting, he\'s not even 100% sure that Fred\'s really there, so he\'s not quite ready to believe it yet. Plus, he kind of has to take credit for what Fred does because he can\'t tell anyone else about him or they\'ll think he\'s mad. And the Angelina thing - I hope I\'ve made it clear that George really doesn\'t want to like her, but he just can\'t help it. In the next couple of chapters (which are already written) this becomes more clear.
Kings Cross. Right. I was wondering when someone might say something about how weird that was. I decided to just keep it that everyone goes to Kings Cross when they die, largely because I thought it would be easy for people to comprehend where Fred was meant to be, without actually having to say \"Fred was sitting in the place where he went when he died.\" And Dumbledore is there to talk to Fred about Bandersnatch\'s death. It says in the chapter that he was not the person who met Fred the first time he died (unlike Harry), so he\'s not there because he is of any special importance to Fred, but solely to give him advice about the murder. Whew. I hope that\'s helped. Thanks again for the review, I\'m really glad you\'re enjoying it ;o)
Aw, that's awesome. Sweet.
I loved the bit about Sirius and his book about Charming Wizards, and all the smart retorts, insults, and professions of love that passed between L & J.
The one place your humous let you down was with the joke about that girl defeating Voldemort. Tha was macabre and unfunny.
Tehe.. nah, 'twasn't that bad. I was jerst jokin' around. It was the least funny joke, but that is not necessarily an insult, since all the other jokes are so good.
I liked Myrtle's POV at the end, and the idea that she has a crush on Sirius. Cute. And the way the rest of the fic was in past tense but that part was present - really brings out the "stream of consciousness" thing you were obviously going for. Well done.
One thing: I would've thought Lil'd like cats. I mean, in her letter to Sirius in DH, she did mention that they had a cat.
Oh, poor Sev! I loved Lily's interaction with him. Very well done. Made my heart ache for him.
All in all, extremely good! I like this one even better than your other fic!
Love Phia
Author's Response: The cat thing! That\'s great you\'ve mentioned that! I like to think that Lily had developed her love for cats at this moment. Nobody had noticed this before and thank heavens that you did!
I shamelessly stole the idea of Myrtle liking Sirius from a humor fic.
Darn it, Tash, you stole my idea! Of Fred having to wait for George before they could move on! Although, the bedroom at the Burrow was a great idea, and I'd never have been able to pull of the funny bits that well. But, you managed to put in the confusion, boredom, and to some extent, desperation that Fred felt while he was stuck in there, without dumping it all in one load. You did it... subtly. And I'd never be able to do it like that. I am so glad I'm not entering in this category of the challenge! I wouldn't stand a chance!
Grr. Another review without any constructive criticisms. Oh well, some wow-oh-my-gosh-that-was-so-good type reviews can be nice sometimes, right?
Love Phia
Is there going to be a second chapter??? You can't just leave it there!!!
This was so original. I'm not sure whether it's terribly epilogue-like, but I loved it.I had never even thought of the possibility that Harry might do a thing like that- and I don't know if I'm talking about murdering Lucius or pushig his family away! Both, I suppose.
And I liked the Lizzie and Ellie thing. I mean, it'd get a bit confusing, but it was a cute pun.
The interview and the letter from Ginny were woven in very nicely! It's always nice to have that change in tone.
Congrats on a great fic! I cross my fingers for you! Rah rah Ravenclaw!
If there's no more I may be forced to hex you. You have been warned.
Phia
Author's Response: Ha ha! Sorry, Phia, but this challenge was only allowed to be a one shot. I\'ll put a possible sequel on my To Write list, though! As for the Lizzie and Ellie thing, that\'s from another one of my stories and I just had to work it in there!
Ah, sweet Salazar. I just submitted a story to this same prompt. And it was about Remus. And guess what the first chapter was called? "A Letter". *headdesk*
Sorry. Just had to get that out. My story was quite different. I just didn't think that anyone else would think of Remus... should've known.
Anyway.
I liked this fic so far, Remus is very innocent and childlike. Unlike in mine, where he's an old man in a child's body. The bit about him wanting to pay for his wand was especially touching.
I liked your characterisation of his father, too. My first impression of him (when he sent Remus to his room as Dubledore arrived) was of an Uncle Vernon-type character- but I think he's more stern and ashamed of Remus than just cruel.
His mum seems quite personality-less, but that's OK. Mothers are harder to give personality to. Who knows why.
And your characterisation of Albus was, well, not perfect- but (apart from JKR) I haven't actually ever seen anyone characterise him perfectly. He's just so unique. But his actions and the basic things that he did (I especially loved his kindness with calling Remus "Mr Lupin")and said were good, however your word usage wasn't always quite right. For example
"It is a fair ways from the school grounds"
The "fair ways" bit is decidedly a modern colloquialism. And it doesn't actually make sense. With any other character it'd be fine, but Dumbledore always uses such perfect English grammar.
But that was just a small thing I picked up on.
The way you had Ollivander remember Remus's mum's wand was a nice touch. However, when he used words like "anyhow" it was slightly OOC. He's another one that is old, English, and perfectly grammarised. Also, "I get that a lot" seemed a little... Yeah. Like "a fair ways", it just didn't seem to fit with the way that character usually speaks.
But I really liked this fic, and I will be watching for the next chapter! It's a shame that we both wrote for the same prompt about the same character, but great minds think alike, eh?
Phia
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your detailed feedback! I\'ll definitely pay more attention to characterization, especially in dialogue, in future stories! I\'ve already written the third chapter, which is on queue...so we\'ll see how that goes. And I\'m sure our stories will be very different, so all is well. ;) Thanks again for your compliments and critiques!
Very funny, Tash! I especially liked your characterisation of McGonagall.
But she can do the Reparo charm, can't she? Doesn't she do it when Neville breaks his cup? Actually, I'm probably wrong thee, but I'm at work so I can't check my books.
I do wish that this could have been longer. Surely you could have incorporated a few more things that could have gone wrong? By the time she had fallen asleep before her first lesson, I was starting to think "oh yes, she's really getting into swing now", because she'd had a few mishaps and whatnot. I liked what there was, but I think you had the potential for a lot more. A detail of the whole day would have been nice.
Hope you've enjoyed your holiday!
Phia
However, I think you could have
Author's Response: I actually did have a few more things planned, but after putting it after the place where the fic currently ends, it made the conversation with McGonagall seem a bit displaced, and it didn\'t work well written any other way. I do think the ending is a bit abrupt and I could\'ve worked more on that.
:)Tash
Tehehe. Now this was hilarious.
Yes. I loved it.
Your characterisation of dear Gilderoy was simply perfect! I don't think Jo herself could have done better. Just... the way he spoke, the way he struck poses, the self-assured yet stupid things he did, oh, I can't compliment it all, there's too much, and for once I have nothing to criticise. It was all perfect.
I also loved the bit about Snape's hair being shiny. Now THAT was funny. Not to mention the insinuation that Snape had ever heard of any type of hair care.
Yeah. Characterisation of Gilderoy, Snape, McGonagall, Sprout, Oliver Wood, all tick, tick, tick, tick, tick!
If this doesn't win I'll be shocked.
Let's see if you can pick up the quote (I'm sure you can)- How come you're not in Ravenclaw?
And that wasn't in any way a slight against Hufflepuff. I just wish that the points you'll earn for winning this were going to my dear House.
Phia
Author's Response: Thanks so much! :D I really appreciate it. I had a lot of fun writing this one, but there\'s tons of talent on here...winning would be a surprise to me indeed!
Actually, I think of myself as a Ravenpuff. ^^ But you \'Claws have a lot of entries in the Autumn Challenge; you\'ll be raking up tons of points that way. *hopes that more Puffs will participate*
Oh, you wouldn’t believe it. I got to school early, EARLY on Friday especially to write a review for you. And it was closed! The library, closed for the first time in living memory! Grr. Sorry.
I can’t really criticise the story, Tash. It’s really good. The two opening paragraphs are awesome, I’d nominate them for Quicksilver if it was still going and there was an appropriate category! They reminded me a bit of your post in the Tower about magic…
And my favourite line was “It was a dark night and we walked in tandem silence, just me and her, normal old Lily and magnificent, magical Petunia.”
Because of a) the usage of the word tandem – loved it! And b) how you juxtaposed “normal old Lily” and “magnificent magical Petunia”. That really clearly showed how different Lily felt they were, and her bitterness about it.
And the way you tied Lilies in with the whole thing was awesome.
As I said before, I can’t criticise the story as a whole, but I can nitpick. So I will.
I don’t think McGonagall should be “kicked” out of the house, it sounds a bit modern and casual. Perhaps she could be thrown out, or asked to leave?
The “Never fallen without a scratch” is a bit clumsy and unwieldy, because of the double negative. You have to sort of read it twice to understand what you mean. Maybe you could replace it with something like, “Never made an enemy break out in a rash”, or something like that?
In the next paragraph you have the word “growing” twice in the same sentence. I think you should scratch the first one.
And in the paragraph after that you have “plaster a flimsy smile on my smile”, which is just a typo, I know, but I thought I’d let you know.
“I tried everything to not be able to talk to her again” again, this is a bit confusing. I know what you mean, but you could replace it with something a bit less awkward, perhaps “ I tried everything to keep me from talking to her”, or something like that?
Between the lines “I always knew your favourite magic trick was…” and “… if something ever happens to me” you switch tenses to present, and then afterwards go back to past again. I wouldn’t have picked this, except that I was just battling it in my Remus fic, don’t worry! But that is one thing that needs to be fixed.
As I said, there’s nothing major to criticise! I loved the way you made this fic so sad, and believable. The bit where she was at school and wanting to shout out that she didn’t belong there, I really sympathised with that. You’ve captured her anger, confusion, bitterness, and sadness very well. It’s interesting, too, an AU fic where the sisters have had their places switched. Interesting to see that if Petunia hadn’t been the one to suffer not going to Hogwarts, she might have grown up a more loving person. I just really really hope that you didn’t have her marrying James, did you? The poor guy…
Congrats on a nice little one-shot, Tash! And thankyou so much.
Love Phia
Author's Response: *hugs Phia* Thank you for the lovely review. :) You know, that might be where I got the idea...the posts in the Tower...*psst...do you realise that you posted this on Flame, and not Where Lilies Grow?*
Anyway, I made most of the suggested changes, you\'d be glad to hear. As for Petunia marrying James...don\'t feed the plotbunnies. XD
--Tash
Wow, Tash.
Beautiful.
I loved the way he was sort of, almost addicted to the candle flame - and the way you linked it to Ginny, and Daisy's hair. And then linked the last paragraph back to it again.
Molly was very nicely characterised, and this was the first post-DH fic I've read where Harry was too.
Ack, this story was so - poignant. Just the right mix of sadness and anger (Harry, obviously) and innocence and belief (Daisy).
Language is impeccable, metaphors, creative imagery, all tick tick tick. The only thing I can fault is that the present tense is a bit awkward - consistent, but awkward. It just isn't right for this story. I don't know, I just kept going "Wait, this is in present tense, isn't it?" and... yeah.
Sorry. That isn't too helpful.
But it is long overdue for you to be added to my Favourite Author's list! So, on you go!
Love Phia
PS I still think she should have been named Dahefrnymomodo...
Author's Response: Hmm, I sort of do have an obsessive love of present tense--almost half my stories are that way. Thanks for the reading and reviewing, Phia. *hugs* It is appreciated. :)
Well, I would have called her Dahefrnymomodo but it took too long to type. =P
Oh, Angela. Tis beautiful.
I love the dree verse, it really reflects on Luna well. I mean, I don't think her thoughts, cos this really is a stream of consciousness poem, would be structured, or rhyming. Plus the long and short lines did verry well in keeping your ideas either complex, or short and snappy. The spacing, in places like where she asked things like Do I mind? And then, yes, and then, no, was perfect.
I loved the lily, and the way you linked back to it so often.
And the way it was so perfectly Luna. Hopeful, sad, odd, with that love of the small things and yet energy that we all love about her.
And it's so deep.
I could never write anything like that.
Tis beautiful, Tigz. If only you could have entered it in something, you'd have won it, = more points for the Claws.
I hope to see more poetry from you, missy!
Love Phia
Author's Response: *blushes* Aww, thank you Phia! This is such a great review. I plan on submitting more poetry for something = more points for the \'Claws. I also plan on submitting more poetry = because I can. ;-P I am SO glad you liked it Phia!! *cheers* Now maybe you might want to tag it in Ravenclaw Review Tag?
*runs away, still blushing*
*splutters* not the best you've ever written??? Then what is the best you've ever written? SEND IT TO ME!
Sorry about the double post. Oh, and in my review, I meant "free verse" not "dree verse". Yeah. They're next to each other on the keyboard.
*loves*
Author's Response: Um, no it\'s not? I kinda sorta lost some of my poems on the computer. *sobs* When we moved. But maybe if you still want, I\'ll send you some. After all, I\'m always writing! Hip hip hooray!
*hugs Phia*
Oh, Anna. Lovely. You know how I love Tonks, and you've done her perfectly here. It's so unfair. You're going to beat Tash, Slytherin's going to get first place and Ravenclaw second. Oh well. You'll deserve it.
I liked the way it was a dark house, and a corridor - reminded me of the Black household. Of course, that was what you were aiming for. And I liked the idea of the white and black glows - though perhaps it was influenced a little by Eoin Colfer's The Wish List? Sorry, that was just what it reminded me of.
You seem to have started to get into a Latin title craze, hey? Do you speak it?
And I love the way you've separated the sinners, the sinless, and the people who are both. I mean, it's not like you're the first person to ever have had that idea, but you put it beautifully.
Bellatrix was perfectly in character. Perfectly.
And you did the present tense so well! It is so unfair! Why can't I write like that?
Oh, what more is there to say? I loved this story, I'd grade it Outstanding, and, yes. Very well done, congrats on your first place!!!
Love Phia
Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much, Phia. :) And I don\'t know if I\'m going to get first place -- I haven\'t read any of the other entries for this cat, actually, but there are many other talented authors. Stop acting like I\'ve won. :P
Oooh, I love The Wish List!! *pauses for squeeing* Erm, that might\'ve influenced it, but I think I\'ve read several books with the \'glowing soul\' idea, actually.
Oh, I WISH I spoke Latin! I\'ve been wanting to learn it forever, I\'m still trying to find a class on it. Anyway, yes, I have gone a little Latin crazy with my titles, teehee. I was wondering if anyone was noticing! ;D
I\'m glad you enjoyed the characterizations, because I really haven\'t written much of either Bellatrix or Nymphadora. And Phia, you are still a fabulous writer whether or not you completely understand tenses, so stop degrading yourself! *pretends to be mad* :P
Anywho, thank you again for this lovely review. And, honestly, nobody\'s won the contest yet, so stop acting like I have. *eyeroll* :)
Aww. I… I… Aww.
I’ll come back later, once I can actually say something intelligible.
OK, I’m back.
I think it’s wonderful that Sev can’t appreciate the beauty of the winter day, but instead marvels at Lily’s beauty.
I think that the way you’ve characterised both of them is absolutely perfect.
I think your descriptive language is fantastic.
I think that the plot is so SWEET. I don’t have the talent to take an ordinary happening and make it an extraordinary piece of writing. I wish I did. All I can do is big adventures. It doesn’t take much skill.
But overall, I think that the obvious love between the two – the way Sev only wants to make Lily happy, the way Lily appreciates everything Sev does and is – is so, so touching.
Congrats on an awesome fic, Tash. I love it.
Love Phia
PS: wait, I finally found something to criticise! Spelling errors! Chequered is spelt wrong, so is sceptically, phial and jewellery. Oh dear. I’m at the point where I have to pick at spelling. Hmm. I think I’ll just leave. Good job!
Author's Response: *hugs* Thanks, I\'m glad you liked it. :D And if you check the dictionary, they\'re not spelling errors...just alternate spellings....Silly English language *throws rock at it*
Well..................
I really liked the imagery. At the start, I mean. And I love the phrase "A shimmer in the moonlight". Tis beautiful.
I liked how you wove the humour about the drapes in; I'm not sure Sirius was too bothered about that sort of thing (more of a girly type thing) it was funny, and funny is good.
I liked the dream, and the way Sirius was the only one who spoke. It was an interesting concept that Harry needed to be told about these things too, so that they'd sort of... sit in the back of his consciousness? I dunno, it just clicked for me.
Kreacher was cute. You made him very Dobby-like.
The humungous spaces between paragraphs annoyed the heck out of me.
But all in all, very very good! Much funnier and more interesting than my humble Drabble entry... I enjoyed reading this! Good job Tigz!
Love Phia
Author's Response: Yay! Thank you! The huge spaces always annoy the heck outta me too, but I can\'t be bothered to fix them. First of all, I don\'t know how and don\'t want to mess the whole thing up. Second, I\'m lazy. Hee. Thank you so much! *hugs*
Very good, Tash. The way you've described every-day events so well is fabulous. The sort of thing that's so trivial it stands out when written in a story.
I like how you've woven in interesting bits in the boring stuff.
Wish I could write like that. You know, I am very tempted to never again read a single one of your stories, because they always depress me so much. Perhaps one day I'll just... learn to write as well as you do.
Love Phia
Author's Response: Hi Phia! xD No, don\'t stop reading my stories. *squishes* Thanks for the review. :)
OK. I can see why this won! Anna, you've done an amazing job. Very... depthful. Interesting, how you've taken two moderately minor characters and one very minor and created an amazingly intricate plotline for them.
Aberforth's perfectly in character; I love how you've made him IC but also woven some very Albus-like thoughts into his dialogue. He's really the main humour element in the story, which is nice because even the most profound stories do need something to make you smile.
I never really liked Cho either; I guess I'd always acknowledged that she had potential as a character, but I'd never been all that inspired to take advantage of it myself. So it's great to see what you've done with her; you've changed her character in a way that's very believable and well-justified, but kept it just enough the same for us to recognise who it is.
As for Theodore - since he is so minor, you could basically have gone wherever you want with him. Usually, that's where most people slip up, because they give these minor minor characters either vry exaggerated or hardly characterised personalities, but you haven't done either. You've stuck to the small amount of canon and expanded, of which I am terribly in awe.
I won't try and tackle the themes you've woven in here; his lack of making a decision, second chances, first chances, moving on with life, healing, etc etc, because I've already had a philosophical day and my head is about to explode. But I guarantee that I'll be pondering this story all weekend, and I thank you for that.
My one criticism - "ma'am" is very, very American. I really can't picture any British wizard saying it. Even madam would be better - but not ma'am.
That's all. :)
Thanks for a great read! Oh, and congratulations not only on winning, but also on being in he top ten most prolific authors! Wow!
Much love,
Phia
*Squees* It's up! Congratulations! It looks so purty on the actual site... Not that it didn't always look purty, of course! You already know what I think of your amazing writing so I won't waste your time. Congratulations again, can't wait for the first chapter to be validated and the second chapter to pop up in my inbox!
Love Phia
Author's Response: I can\'t thank you enough, Phia! The Prologue would probably not be half as appealing to everyone as it is now, if it wasn\'t for you. *hugs* *squishes*
Meep!
Aww, Tash, she’s so in-character! I love how innocent and carefree she is. Honestly, Luna’s so hard, and you’ve got her down pat so well. Rolf seems to have a good character, too. Nicely done. I like the idea of him being able to hear plants talk, and Luna hear animals – and the way both seem to feel happy around Luna. She’s just that kind of person, isn’t she.
And the Crumple-horned Snorkack outside the window! Awesome! But I feel so sorry for Luna, for her not seeing it when Rolf did.
And the ending lines are pure magic. “Luna, don’t ever stop believing.” “What are you talking about? I never will.” “What are you going to do tomorrow?” “Look for Crumple-horned Snorkacks, of course!”
All I can criticise is that in quite a few places your tense switches from past to present and back again. That happens in a few of your fics; I think that it’s because you type so fast. My theory, anyhow.
As per usual, I am totally jealous of this fic and I would steal it, if only I had the technical know-how! Applause for Tash, the awesome author!
Love Phia