[Report This]
The Severed Souls by Magical Maeve
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Summary : The sequel to Daughter of Light. Maeve has a very bad end to her honeymoon as things come to light about Severus that astound her. Why is her husband so keen to keep Draco Malfoy alive at all costs and can she really get over her loathing of Narcissa Malfoy to work together to save both Severus and Draco from the fate that Voldemort would like to inflict on them? Why is Harry so furtive and will Neville save the day when Maeve’s necklace is returned to her by her father. Oh, and our favourite bad-boy Auror is back!
There has been rather a long break in the writing of the story due to work commitments, but I'm back on the case and hoping to get it finished - if there's anyone left still reading!! :-)
Date: 03/17/06 Title: Chapter 21: Harry's Encounter
An excellent story Jan and it was extremely well written. I must say that i absolutely love your writing style and your grammer is also excellent. You are certainly gifted for not making dialogues and conversations awkward as most authors tend to do. You have a very good characterisation and apparantly can describe their emotions very well too! There was one thing though and that was that your story became a little too long and tedious for me. Perhaps you could make it a little faster? Overall an excellent job i must say. Keep writing!
Author's Response: Thanks thorn! Chapter length is non-negotiable, I\'m afraid. They just run their natural course. Either that of have a 100 chaptered fic! LOL
Summer Dreams by Accio_Chocolate
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Harry and his friends are back at the Burrow for the summer. There are several unexpected guests there as well. Add Harry’s inheritance, new friendships, and budding love, and it all adds up to Summer Dreams. Will be PG-13 in later chapters. Written pre-HBP Chapter 8 is up! Thanks to all my loyal readers and reviewers!
Date: 02/12/06 Title: Chapter 4: Garden Party
A good story. It was a very pleasant read and all in all a good story. But the fact that mnade your story so unusual and lovely was the fact that you kept all your characters in character and still managed to produce quite a good effect. Also your general writing style, grammer and construction are simply amazing. You could try taking your story from a slightly different angle though as it would make it more interesting but this is good too. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thanks for the detailed review! I try my best, but I couldn't do it without my beta! I'm not sure what other angle I could write, so I guess you're stuck with it my way...but thanks for a good reason why it's not the best story to you, much appreciated.
It Didn't Start This Way by Marauder by Midnight
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: James Potter and Lily Evans weren't exactly buddies at first sight. They began virtually as enemies. Gradually, however, they came to respect each other and like each other at Hogwarts. Somehow, that like turned to an eternal love.
Described through the memories of all who knew them, this is the story that follows them through the seven years in Hogwarts, as their rocky relationship develops into a bond that becomes the envy everyone. This is the story that describes the difficulties that they encounter during the terrible years of You-Know-Who's reign. This is the story of the parents of The Boy who Lived. This is the story of the love between Lily Evans and James Potter.
Chapter Five (Friends?) posted - Lily walks into the world she never knew.
Sorry for the (very long) delay.
Date: 02/09/06 Title: Chapter 1: Discovery
Brilliant! you should actually get this story published. I had read your other fic the pidgeon and the phoenix and i was like.. ok let me read more... and then i came to this fic and i realised that i had read it. I had practically memorised the fic. I did not have to read it to you. Now as usual in my reviews i divide my thoughts into two broad extremely complicated categories what i liked- every moment of it! sheer brilliance! amazing writing. Your writing style is excellent. So is your grammer. If you have a beta thAT EXPLAINS IT. anyway at first i was browsing through just to read a new story with originality a story from an entirely different angle and then i found this and it suited my needs perfectly. It was like a breath of fresh air. It was sheer brilliance! what i did not like- what i did not like was that you do not update fat enough! I want mor of the story but you are not willing to give it to me1 why aren't you? anyway! keep writing! i really want to see many more fics and 8 is the highest rating i give for any fic. First time i have given a 9.
Date: 02/11/06 Title: None
Amazing story. Now as usual i am not going to give you a lecture but am going to show my opinion in the usual way
what i liked- it was good with regard to your general writing style, word usage and grammer which are all the technical parts of a real good story
what i did not like was that your story was too slow and became a bit of a drag eventually. You could speed up things a bit.
Anyway, keep writing you definitely have potential!
Author's Response: ok well thanks for your advice i was actually thinkng thAT it was too slow and am thinking of making it like a one shot instead ......... well thankds so much mwas
The Healer by the nutty imp
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: This story will take you back to 15th century Venice where Nicolas and Perenelle Flamel visit an artist friend. Here, they will deeply explore the story of the Wizarding world’s 1st healer.
Discover the myth and legend of Asclepius – the Greek god of healing. Discover the roots of dark creatures like the Inferi and their evolved form. Discover the beginnings of that deep hatred and set traditions of the Wizarding world’s most ancient family.
WINNER OF THE MNFF HISTORY-MYTHOLOGY QUARTERLY CHALLENGE
Date: 03/09/06 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
Overall i would have to say an excellent story. I never read historical fics but i read yours and i was like WOW! Way to go Miel! By the way you know me in the forums as thorn. I have always liked Europe and therefore this fic held a particularly strong appeal for me. I like your general writing style as well and you seem to have your time-lines pretty accurate (bet you also use the lexicon). Constructive criticism? There simply isn't anything to be criticised. Good job!
Author's Response: Actually Wikipedia got info on HP too. Truly a comprehensive site. Would you believe that I'm actually bad at history? *lol*
Date: 02/04/06 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 4 – The Living and The Dead
Three words to describe your fanfic- wow!awesome story! seriously. But there are a few points
what i did not like was that you made a few technical mistakes and also it became really slow moving
what i liked was your grammar, plotline, general writing style and the fact that you made historical fanfiction interesting. i enjoyed it thoroughly
Author's Response: Ahh.. yes those daunting daffodils instead of daisies. ^_^ I shall correct that :)
*Sigh* My problem when I write in 1st person ... I can't switch the scenes quickly :) -- And in trying to smoothen the transistion between the time lines .. I guess sometimes it does take too long :) Thanks for the review and correction :)
Forever Yours by harry_potter_star
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary:
sigh.
Okay. Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay
For all of you who wanted an update, I have a proposition. You may or may not like it, but it's all I can offer.
Check review challenge for the last chapter. details there!
James and Lily Potter were possibly the most famous parents in wizarding history. We know alot about their adult life, but what do we really know about their childhood? Even Harry never knew about the Drama, jealousy, danger, friendships, happiness, sadness, resentment,confusion and love that his parents went through as children. Here, their lives, from when the two of them were eleven to when they were brutally murdered at only 21, is recorded. Lily and James Potter were unsung heros. This is their story.
Date: 06/21/06 Title: Chapter 6: Snowflakes
Well, I amn't really into James and Lily but your story is absolutely fantastic! I have added you to my favourite list.
So *ahem*
Now this chapter in particular concentrated so much on the lighter side of things! I love to see marauder mischief when I can.Ok, now what I am going to do is I'll be showing you the best parts so you can capitalise on them.
First of all- The other boys nodded. “It’s too bad we can’t just… magically make it snow or something like that,” sighed Peter.
Sirius, James and Remus all sat up abruptly and stared at him excitedly.
“What?” asked Peter, nervously.
Over here describing Peter's tone as nervous adds a wonderful touch. It makes the reader feel as if for once Peter said something intelligent and it actually made sense! That was funny especially as he didn't even realise it.
At breakfast the next morning, everyone was excited about the snow, and the biggest thrill of it was that none of the teachers seemed to be able to do anything about it
Now this was funny too because of the p[art- The biggest thrill was the teachers couldn't do anything about it
I loved the snowball fight too! Especially the way it was initiated.
Your flow and dialogue are quite excellent. So is your grammer. I absolutely adored this story of yours1 Good job and keep writing
Author's Response: hey, I\'m really glad you liked it!! thanks for the detailed review, it helps alot!! Thanks heaps for pointing out the stuff you like in particular, thats just the stuff I like to hear :) I\'m defs still writing lol I\'ve started doing year ten english i like it so much, and I might be moving on to year eleven next term :P thnx again!
Date: 06/21/06 Title: Chapter 6: Snowflakes
Ok, a few grammatical errors in the previous one so.....
Well, I amn't really into James and Lily but your story is absolutely fantastic! I have added you to my favourite list.
So *ahem*
Now this chapter in particular concentrated so much on the lighter side of things! I love to see marauder mischief when I can.Ok, now what I am going to do is I'll be showing you the best parts so you can capitalise on them.
First of all- The other boys nodded. “It’s too bad we can’t just… magically make it snow or something like that,” sighed Peter.
Sirius, James and Remus all sat up abruptly and stared at him excitedly.
“What?” asked Peter, nervously.
Over here describing Peter's tone as nervous adds a wonderful touch. It makes the reader feel as if for once Peter said something intelligent and it actually made sense! That was funny especially as he didn't even realise it.
At breakfast the next morning, everyone was excited about the snow, and the biggest thrill of it was that none of the teachers seemed to be able to do anything about it
Now this was funny too because of the p[art- The biggest thrill was the teachers couldn't do anything about it
I loved the snowball fight too! Especially the way it was initiated.
Your flow and dialogue are quite excellent. So is your grammer. I absolutely adored this story of yours. Good job and keep writing.
Here is the corrected version.
Author's Response: lol thanks for putting that up, but im seriously not that picky :P:P I make mistakes in my responses all the time and I just don\'t worry about it, so long as its readable hehe
The Hunting of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack by Erik
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Luna Lovegood, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, Neville Longbottom and Ginevra Weasley go to Sweden for a heroic hunt of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack
Date: 07/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Hunting of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack
A lovely piece of writing. Poetry especially is so hard to write, mostly in this style where the third and the first and the fourthand the second line rhyme.
I absolutely loved the description in this poem especially-
There she stood with a light such as stars in her eyes
All of sleep was totally forgotten
I loved the decription of stars in her eyes. Very graphic.
But I am afraid I will ahve to start being a little ntipicky now-
‘But it doesn’t exist’ t’was Hermione to speak
‘It’s a fantasty made by your dad
I am sorry to say’ said she humble and meak
‘You would better go back to your bed’
Well, over here I thought that you intended it to be meek and not meak.
Also, in the last line, I feel that had would be a better substitute for 'would'.
Also, I would strongly advice putting a period at the end of every paragraph especially after a dialogue is spoken. And don't worry, this will definitely not disrupt the flow of the poem in any way.
‘To be famous means trouble’ he said to his friends
‘A trouble I eagerly shun
I prefere to be known for what I intend
Rather than what I have done’
Now this paragraph was certainly lovely. I love the ideas you put into it however, I think that it should be prefer and not prefere. But on the other hand, this was definitely one of my favourite paragraphs.
An adventure it is more than any we’ve seen
For I tell you, that beast is a foul one
It is hungry and rude, it is cruel, it is mean
It is rightfully ‘voided and shun’
Maybe the flow would be better if you changed the last line to it is rightfully avoided and shunned.
There she stood queer and eager as few of her size
For the journey they soon would be gotten
I would advice placing a period after gotten. Also, maybe you should use a better rhyming substitute for gotten. I don't think it goes with UK english. (Or does it?)
Hermione sat uffish, alone in the hut
Refused to take part of the hunt
Alone? Not at all, next to her Neville sat
And commented her mood with a grunt
Very,very funny paragraph. However, what is uffish? Did you by any chance mean huffish? (Or am I just very ignorant?)
Home they went on their carpet, home to the feast
Where Neville was very relived
Ok, the only mistake I noticed was that relieved has accidentally been spelt relived here.
Ok, I will stop being overly critical now. Overall, I must say this was an excellent piece of poetry. I would so love to see moreof your writing! Keep up the good work!
Date: 07/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Hunting of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack
Ok, I msde a spelling mistake in my previous review so I am posting it all again. *hangs head in shame.*
A lovely piece of writing. Poetry especially is so hard to write, mostly in this style where the third and the first and the fourthand the second line rhyme.
I absolutely loved the description in this poem especially-
There she stood with a light such as stars in her eyes
All of sleep was totally forgotten
I loved the decription of stars in her eyes. Very graphic.
But I am afraid I will ahve to start being a little ntipicky now-
‘But it doesn’t exist’ t’was Hermione to speak
‘It’s a fantasty made by your dad
I am sorry to say’ said she humble and meak
‘You would better go back to your bed’
Well, over here I thought that you intended it to be meek and not meak.
Also, in the last line, I feel that had would be a better substitute for 'would'.
Also, I would strongly advice putting a period at the end of every paragraph especially after a dialogue is spoken. And don't worry, this will definitely not disrupt the flow of the poem in any way.
‘To be famous means trouble’ he said to his friends
‘A trouble I eagerly shun
I prefere to be known for what I intend
Rather than what I have done’
Now this paragraph was certainly lovely. I love the ideas you put into it however, I think that it should be prefer and not prefere. But on the other hand, this was definitely one of my favourite paragraphs.
An adventure it is more than any we’ve seen
For I tell you, that beast is a foul one
It is hungry and rude, it is cruel, it is mean
It is rightfully ‘voided and shun’
Maybe the flow would be better if you changed the last line to it is rightfully avoided and shunned.
There she stood queer and eager as few of her size
For the journey they soon would be gotten
I would advice placing a period after gotten. Also, maybe you should use a better rhyming substitute for gotten. I don't think it goes with UK english. (Or does it?)
Hermione sat uffish, alone in the hut
Refused to take part of the hunt
Alone? Not at all, next to her Neville sat
And commented her mood with a grunt
Very,very funny paragraph. However, what is uffish? Did you by any chance mean huffish? (Or am I just very ignorant?)
Home they went on their carpet, home to the feast
Where Neville was very relived
Ok, the only mistake I noticed was that relieved has accidentally been spelt relived here.
Ok, I will stop being overly critical now. Overall, I must say this was an excellent piece of poetry. I would so love to see more of your writing! Keep up the good work!
Date: 03/17/06 Title: None
An excellent well written and a well described story i must say! The emotions are conveyed very well and so are the characters. It was very good and it certainly bseems very likely that this might be what really happens. Constructive criticism? There simply isn't any because this story was really fabulous. Keep up the good work!
Hogwarts, Meet the Marauders! by Kelsid
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: In this sequel to Harry's Our What???, James and Lily have time-travelled to the past and finally found out the truth about who their son is. Meanwhile, in their true time-frame, the Marauders have concocted a plan to rescue James and Lily. But when they arrive in Harry's time, they realize they can't get back and must seek the aid of their older counterparts.
Date: 02/11/06 Title: Chapter 2: In Which James Finds Out the Awful Truth
Most stories which i read in the humour category, are funny for the sake of being funny. The authors use vulgar jokes and old comebacks, frankly which makes the author feel bored. This story is one of the very few exceptions. You have humour without disrupting the plotline and has decent clean humour. Honestly after reading this i felt like asking a question, are you jk? It is very good. But you can improve upon your general writing style,other than that is very nice.
Arachne’s Curse by Ravensgryff
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: HBP Spoilers! Set immediately after the end of HBP, Severus Snape begins to explain exactly whose side he's on and what the stakes are in the coming battle. What is the curse of Arachne and how did it lead him to this point? Obsession, betrayal and a quest for redemption are all part of this historical account of Snape's life since coming to Hogwarts.
Thanks so much to my outstanding Betas: Orlaith, CCCC and Bobin221!
Date: 03/16/06 Title: Chapter 6: Saved
An excellent story ravensgryff. I especially likeds the part where Severus goes to the dark lord's home only to find it empty. I came across this story while doing the scavenger hunt and i was frankly amazed. It was wonderful. I especially like your descriptions. You certainly do that very well. Also emotions are very well potrayed throught the characters dialogues. There is one thing though. Your story is rather.....sleepy. I can't exactly describe it but your reader does not feel many strong emotions while reading it , this is just my opinion though. Overall i must say... Good Job!
'Yes' by nat089
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: James Potter usually accepts dares without batting an eyelash. However, this time, while he’s on a dare, he's also on a personal mission. But first, he’s anxiously waiting for Lily to turn up. What does Lily have to do with this dare? And what will she say when she finds out?
(One shot)
[Author's Note]
Before you start commenting that the dare was unromantic, please please read the 2nd sentence of the 4th paragraph. I clearly state that "James was steeling himself to do SOMETHING HE WANTED TO DO VERY MUCH EVEN WITHOUT BEING DARED TO". In other words, the dare was the catalyst, not the cause. It only served to spur him into action; it didn't give him the intention of doing what he did (I'm trying not to give out spoilers here, so read to find out what - though you can probably guess ;)).
Date: 02/11/06 Title: Chapter 1: 'Yes'
An excellent well- written story which actually has a story line as well.now as usual there are two parts of my review over here what i liked- the story was weel written and has a basic plotline and i s an good story.It has good grammer as well. what i did not like- there is almost nothing different from all the othere stories out there. Your story seems cliched. But you do have potential.Keep writing!
Date: 02/11/06 Title: Chapter 1: 'Yes'
An excellent well- written story which actually has a story line as well.now as usual there are two parts of my review over here what i liked- the story was weel written and has a basic plotline and i s an good story.It has good grammer as well. what i did not like- there is almost nothing different from all the othere stories out there. Your story seems cliched. But you do have potential.Keep writing!
Date: 02/04/06 Title: None
This was a hilarious story. Itt was simply lovel and i loved every moment of it. Now don't take this the wrong way but sometimes i read a part of the story and wrinkled my nose. Some of the jokes were so blatantly obvious i couldn,t really laugh. It seemed like it was meant to be funny but it wasn't.Your generaly story and writing style are excellent though.
Author's Response: We understand, everybody's sense of humor differs. Maybe you like subtle humor, and our humor is... obvious. Thanks for the review. We're really glad you liked the story.
The Love Of His Life by joanna
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Sirius wants to find his soul mate and asks James's permission to date Lily.
Date: 02/04/06 Title: Chapter 2: 2
An excellent story! i really like the way you express yourself however i am still going to give you a few pointers
what i liked was your choice of words , your plotline and your excellent writing style.
However your story became a drag towards the end. It simply was not fast enough. You are capable of writing much better though
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Especially the encouraging words.
A Few Detentions and A Story by LaneTechFreshie
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: James Potter: Marauder. Lily Evans: Prefect. They're both seventh years at Hogwarts. They're also about to have a pretty interesting year--complete with a few detentions, pranks, confusion, and laughter--in which they get through school, make some trouble and maybe, just maybe, sort out their feelings for each other.
Thanks to all you who have made it possible for this story to be in the Top Tens. It was a very happy moment when I first saw my story on the list, and I love being able to go back and see it there now. Still. Yay!
Throughout the latter half of 2010, and the first half of 2011, I re-edited this story. The changes were mostly to fix stray (and annoying) grammar and spelling errors, but also to rework some plot points in an effort to stay truer to canon. I also updated the style; having written this story so long ago, my writing has definitely developed (and I would say gotten better), so I edited to reflect that. (I apologize for the errors that were in the story before all this editing. I found them immensely distressing when I reread my chapters. Heartbreaking, really.)
Big “thank yous” go to the three people who helped edit/nitpick the first edition of this novel: violagirl, fairiesandcream, and Omagus.
And yes, this story is up on Fanficition.net under the penname: Io.Sono.Emilia.
Of course, as a disclaimer, I’m not JK Rowling. The Potterverse does not belong to me, but I am in it and love it.
Date: 02/12/06 Title: Chapter 9: The American
An excellent story. It seem as if you are an experienced writer already. Seriously it was that good. Anyway i liked this new angle which you have taken this story with and also your writing style nad grammer.Also i like your choice of words.criticism? there just isn't any. It was a lovely story!
The Potions Master of Azkaban. by Magical Maeve
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Severus Snape finds himself a resident of Azkaban for his deeds and misdeeds during Voldemort's reign. A broken man, he is struggling merely to stay alive when one of the guards takes an interest in him. This is an interest that could get her into serious trouble as she tries to save the life of a man who may not want to be saved.
And I must credit the wonderful Poultrygeist for the title and Anne for her sterling beta work! Thank 'ee. :-)
Date: 03/17/06 Title: Chapter 10: Aftermath.
I really liked this story of yours and i must say that it was one of your best efforts. It was very good and i am usually a veryt ough critic so here goes- I like your voice and your writing style because it puts your reader at ease and your grammer is excellent too so is your characterisation and you manage to potray emotions very well ! I would have preferred a little more action but nevertheless a fantastic job!
Dear Dumby by Oppungo
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: What happens when Dumbledore has his latest "brilliant" idea, to start an advice column, and call it 'Dear Dumby'? Letters from some of our favourite Hogwarts students, some of our not so favourite Hogwarts students, some not even Hogwarts students at all, and, of course, lots of madness!
Pre-HBP for obvious reasons!
Nominee for the Best Humour Award in the Quicksilver Quill Awards! Many thanks to all who voted for it!
Date: 04/09/06 Title: Chapter 7: Care - verb, to be concerned. Apparently not.
Hi Kiara! It's me thorn!
I absolutely loved your whole story. It is really good. Where did you get the inspiration for this? I particularly enjoyed Fudge's, Voldemort's and Ron's letters. OOPS! I am not supposed to know who they are, am I? Better not let Dumbledore know that he has been writing letters to 'charming security officers'. This is positively one of the best humour fics I have read on this site and can only be compared to Nagini's dairy.I am afraid that I do not have any constructive criticism to give you because there simply isn't any. To quote Ron(or Harry?) or someone in the book anyway 'that was bloody brilliant'. I really enjoyed it. Keep up the good work and update soon.
PS- First fic I have ever rated 10 and also I would like to thank you for being such a wonderful beta for me. :)
Author's Response: Heya thorn!! *huggles!* Yay, I'm really glad you like it! Inspiration? Let's just say I own the copyright to my life...! Wow, one of the best humour fics? *is blushing and beaming!* Thanks!! (I don't think I've read Nagini's Diary, I'll have to do so soon...) And YAY, a 10! I'm really pleased you think it worthy of ten (and the first one you've deemed worthy of ten!), but seriously, you're making me blush!! Yes, I do wonder how long it will be until Dumbledore realises the reality of the 'charming security officer', or if someone else will first...! Chapter 8 is in queue, and should be up when the mods are done updating the site! And you're welcome (for the betaing!)!! It was a pleasure - you're a great writer yourself! Thanks again for such a lovely review!!